Gabriel.LIVE

Author: Gabriel

  • Using Self‑Awareness and Emotional Insight for Personal Growth

    Using Self‑Awareness and Emotional Insight for Personal Growth

    I’ve spent most of my life treating the brain like a finely tuned machine—inputs, outputs, algorithms, all neatly mapped out. As an analytical thinker, emotions felt like a side‑project: curious signals that I noticed, but never really used to steer my life. Growing up, I was taught to see feelings as messengers from my body, warning me of danger or satisfaction, but they were always something to be observed, not a compass.

    It wasn’t until I picked up Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse that revealed a totally different perspective. Meurisse didn’t just reframe emotions as data; he showed me how to turn those data points into deliberate, growth‑oriented decisions.

    What you’ll find inside:

    In this post, I’ll share that journey—from puzzlement to purpose—exploring how self‑awareness and emotional insight set the foundation for personal growth. If you’ve ever felt your rational mind at odds with your gut, or wondered how to make emotions work for you, keep reading. The first step to freedom is recognizing that you are not the sum of your feelings; you are the observer, and you hold the keys to unlock them.

    Your Brain’s Primary Mission

    Think of the brain as a cybernetic control system whose primary objective is to maintain homeostasis – a state of steady internal physical and chemical conditions (also read Rewire your brain). Evolution engineered a hierarchy of priorities: hunger, safety, reproduction. Joy, in contrast, is a secondary reward signal—a by‑product of achieving those primary goals.

    If you model the brain’s reward circuitry in a simple loop, the dopamine pathway is the “output” that signals success. But the input—the stimulus that triggers dopamine—doesn’t come from abstract happiness. It’s rooted in concrete, measurable events that signal safety or resource acquisition: a full plate, a secure shelter, a partnership.

    This architecture explains why fleeting pleasures often feel hollow. The system is wired to flag immediate threats or gains, not to evaluate the quality of an emotion.

    External Events vs. Inner State

    A common analytical intuition is that cause and effect are linear. Yet, long‑term satisfaction isn’t a simple function of external events. (also read: Thinking in Systems). Instead, it’s a complex mapping:

    Happiness = f(Interpretation | Event)

    In other words, how we interpret a given event largely determines our lasting emotional state.

    Example: The “Salary Increase” Paradox

    You receive a 5 % raise. The objective data: income raises leading to  comfort raises. However, if you interpret the raise as a sign of “I’m indispensable,” your self‑efficacy rises and so does long‑term satisfaction. If you interpret it as “I still need to prove myself,” anxiety spikes.

    The key takeaway is that interpretation is the variable you can control. By systematically auditing how you map external stimuli to internal states, you gain a powerful lever over your emotional landscape.

    What the Ego Is and Why It Matters

    In psychological terms, the ego is an internal narrative that gives coherence to identity. It’s built from a sequence of thoughts—“I am a good coder”, “I must be perfect”, “I need approval”. These statements lack empirical grounding; they’re constructed by your mind to make sense of your experience.

    Think of the ego as a model that you continually update based on new data. Just as a machine learning system updates its weights when new samples arrive, the ego updates its narrative when new events occur. The danger? The model can become biased if its training data is skewed—e.g., a single negative feedback can disproportionately weight a “I’m incompetent” label.

    The Illusion of “Having = Being”

    The ego frequently equates possession or status with self‑worth:

    • “I have a fancy car → I’m valuable.”
    • “I have a high title → I’m superior.”

    This creates a feedback loop: we acquire more to satisfy the ego, but each acquisition merely reinforces the illusion.This is akin to a self‑reinforcing algorithm that never converges. (also read: How Your Vocabulary Molds Your Reality)

    Ego thrives on low self‑awareness. When we don’t question our internal narratives, the ego becomes a dominant variable that shapes decisions.

    Conversely, high self‑awareness allows the ego to be observed rather than acted upon. By treating ego narratives as data points rather than truths, we can identify and prune the noise.

    Attachment, Beliefs, and the Emotional Cycle

    The process Attachment to Belief to Emotion is iterative:

    1. Attachment – we latch onto something (people, objects, ideas).
    2. Belief – we assign a value or expectation to that attachment (e.g., “I must be loved by X”).
    3. Emotion – the attachment + belief triggers an emotional response (e.g., fear, joy).

    If the attachment is fragile (e.g., a transient relationship), the belief may be over‑inflated, leading to strong emotional swings.

    This restlessness—the monkey mind—is the cognitive noise that keeps us oscillating between attachments. For analytical minds, this is the equivalent of overfitting: the system constantly adjusts to noise rather than underlying patterns.

    Negative emotions often feel like alerts—“something’s wrong.” But the crucial insight is that they are informative, not pathological.

    • Fear signals a mismatch between expectation and reality.
    • Sadness indicates a loss or a misalignment between goals and current state.

    By treating them as diagnostic signals, we can conduct a root‑cause analysis and adjust either the attachment or the belief.

    5. Self‑Awareness as the Key to Freedom

    Imagine setting up a real‑time monitoring dashboard for your thoughts and feelings. You capture each event (e.g., “I felt annoyed at the email”), tag it (e.g., “cognitive distortion: catastrophizing”), and then pause before reacting. This is called “Observing Without Identification”.

    The act of not identifying with the event is akin to separating the signal from the noise. You view the emotion as a transient data packet that will dissipate if you don’t feed it the amplification circuit of rumination.

    When you let the emotion pass, you essentially drop a data point from the influence set of your decision‑making model. That reduces variance.

    • Experiment: Notice when you feel a negative emotion. Instead of reacting, label it (“I am feeling frustrated”) and then observe the rest of the day. Side remark: the word “feeling” makes a difference while labeling the emotion. Without it you might subconsciously identify yourself with the emotion – but you are not your emotions.
    • Result: The emotional intensity tends to subside, demonstrating that amplification is the primary driver of emotional persistence.

    Attention is the energy that fuels emotional responses. By redirecting focus to awareness—the neutral observer—you shift the energy vector away from the emotional output and toward cognitive clarity.

    Analytically, this is a resource reallocation problem: you re‑balance your internal bandwidth from reactive to proactive states.

    6. Practical Tools for Everyday Practice

    Below are concrete, data‑driven techniques that helped me as an analytical person.

    • Emotional Journaling: Record feelings for a week, noting triggers and patterns.
      Why it matters: Provides empirical data for trend analysis
      A simple example is:
      • Time: 9:45
      • Event: Email from manager “Need this EoB”
      • Emotion: Anxiety
      • Interpretation: I’m incompetent
      • Alternative interpretation: I can do this and need to prioritize.
    • High‑Power Poses: Adopt a posture (e.g., standing tall) for 2 minutes.
      Why it matters: Activates the “self‑efficacy” circuit—improved body language correlates with confidence.
    • Compliment Acceptance: Accept praise without immediately internalizing it as self‑worth.
      Why it matters: Prevents your ego from re‑encoding the compliment as a permanent belief.

    Notice the shift from self‑defeating to situational interpretations after applying the alternative lens.

    Take‑away: Reclaiming Your Life

    1. You are not your ego or emotions. They are ephemeral phenomena that arise and fade. By observing them, you create a buffer zone between stimulus and response.
    2. Change starts with the story you tell yourself. Reframe “I’m a coder” into “I’m a curious problem‑solver”. This subtle shift moves the ego from identity validation to skill evolution.
    3. Act with awareness of values, purpose, and inner reality. Let your decision‑making be guided by principles rather than temporary emotions.

    For the analytical thinker, the ultimate lesson is that emotions are data. When you treat them as such—observed, categorized, and leveraged—you gain the freedom to navigate modern life with precision, resilience, and a deeper sense of self.

  • Introverts Guide to Excel in a Collaborative Work Culture

    Introverts Guide to Excel in a Collaborative Work Culture

    Collaborative work cultures are all the rage. Open-plan offices, constant team meetings, brainstorming sessions… it’s a world designed for connection and rapid idea generation. But what if, for you, all this constant interaction feels… draining? If you’re an introvert, you’re likely familiar with this feeling. Often, these cultures prioritize extroverted behaviors – quick thinking, vocal participation, and constant networking – leading many introverts to feel like they have to change to fit in.

    What you’ll find inside:

    I know this feeling intimately. From a young age, I’ve naturally gravitated toward solitude. It’s not that I dislike people; it’s simply that I don’t need external stimulation to feel energized. In fact, too much of it can leave me feeling overwhelmed and depleted. It distracts me from the deep focus that allows me to do my best work.

    But here’s the crucial point: introversion isn’t a weakness. It’s a different way of processing information, gaining energy, and contributing to a team. Introverts bring unique strengths – deep thinking, active listening, thoughtful analysis, and focused execution. And you absolutely can thrive in a collaborative workplace without sacrificing your energy or authenticity. Let me share what i works for me to navigate collaboration while staying true to myself.

    Understanding Your Introverted Needs

    The core difference between introverts and extroverts isn’t shyness or sociability. It’s where you get your energy. Extroverts are energized by social interaction; being around people fills them up. Introverts, on the other hand, recharge through solitude. Social interaction expends energy, even if it’s enjoyable. Think of it like a battery: extroverts recharge during interaction, while introverts need quiet time to recharge after interaction.

    Understanding this fundamental difference is key to identifying your personal triggers in a collaborative setting. What specifically drains your energy? Here are a few common culprits from my professional live:

    • Excessive meetings: Back-to-back meetings leave little time for focused work or quiet reflection.
    • Constant interruptions: Being frequently interrupted breaks my concentration and makes it difficult to regain momentum.
    • Large group brainstorming without preparation time: Being put on the spot in a large group can be overwhelming and stifling for someone who prefers to process ideas internally first.
    • “Popcorn” style idea sharing: Rapid-fire brainstorming, where ideas are thrown out quickly without much thought, can feel chaotic and unproductive.

    Self-awareness is paramount. What level of social interaction feels comfortable for you? How much downtime do you need to recharge? What situations leave you feeling depleted? It’s okay to not always be “on” and actively participating. Authenticity is far more valuable than trying to conform to a mold that doesn’t fit.

    Setting Boundaries – Protecting Your Energy

    Protecting your energy isn’t selfish; it’s essential for sustained performance and well-being. Here’s how to establish healthy boundaries in a collaborative environment:

    • Schedule “Recharge Time”: Treat quiet focus time like an important meeting – block it off in your calendar and resist the urge to reschedule. This could be 30 minutes first thing in the morning, an hour after lunch, or whatever works best for you. I figured that reading 20 minutes after lunch is what distracts me from work related topics and highly boosts my ability to focus again.
    • Meeting Management:
      • Pre-Meeting Prep: Review the agenda beforehand to formulate your thoughts and prepare contributions. In case there is none, request it!
      • Selective Participation: You don’t need to contribute to every discussion. Choose moments where your input is truly valuable.
      • Politely Decline: It’s okay to decline meetings that aren’t essential for you. Try phrasing like: “Thank you for including me. I’m currently focused on X, and I don’t think my input is crucial for this particular meeting.”
    • Manage Interruptions:
      • Office Hours: If feasible, designate specific times for open communication via open doors in the office or “escape” into home office.
      • Visual Cues: Headphones or a “Do Not Disturb” sign can signal your need for focused work.
      • Email/Slack Boundaries: Don’t feel obligated to respond immediately to every message. Set expectations for response times. You may want to set a respective status as with NoHello.
    • Communicate Your Needs: Respectfully let colleagues know when you need some quiet time to process. A simple “I need a bit of focused time to think this through” can go a long way and also demonstrated, that you take the topic serious.

    Communicating Effectively as an Introvert

    While introverts may not always be the loudest voices in the room, they often excel at communication in other ways.

    • The Power of Written Communication: Introverts often thrive in writing. Utilize email and Slack to deliver thoughtful responses, proposals, and feedback. This allows you to carefully craft your message and avoid feeling put on the spot.
    • One-on-One Conversations: Introverts often flourish in deeper, one-on-one connections. Initiate these conversations to build relationships and foster understanding. People will get to know you better and understand, that you care about the topic despite being bit more silent in lager groups.
    • Preparing for Group Discussions:
      • Jot Down Key Points: Writing down your thoughts beforehand can help you articulate them with clarity and confidence.
      • Practice Your “Elevator Pitch”: For quick contributions, rehearse concise statements. This might work for some. But don’t let practicing stress you out.
    • The “Pause” is Your Friend: It’s okay to take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. Don’t feel pressured to fill silence.

    Leveraging Introverted Strengths in Collaboration

    Introverts bring a unique and valuable skillset to collaborative environments. I build my career upon these strenghts and ultimately when it comes to collaboration a mix of those in a team are required.

    • Deep Listening: You’re likely an excellent listener, capable of truly understanding different perspectives. Use this to connect people by explaining what you understood and try to find common ground – especially if the others can’t stop arguing.
    • Thoughtful Problem Solving: You excel at analyzing information and offering well-considered solutions.
    • Detail Orientation: You often notice details others miss, leading to higher-quality work.
    • Written Documentation: You’re skilled at creating clear documentation to improve team understanding.
    • The “Second Opinion” Value: Position yourself as a reliable source for providing a thoughtful, balanced perspective after initial brainstorming.

    👉 Also read: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    Conclusion

    You can thrive in a collaborative workplace without compromising who you are. Embrace your introversion, leverage your strengths, and establish boundaries that protect your energy. Don’t strive to change who you are, but rather learn how to work as you are.

    The stories you tell yourself and what you belief in matters. Start by implementing one or two strategies from this post. Perhaps schedule some dedicated recharge time in your calendar this week. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. You don’t need to change who you are to thrive – you just need to learn how to work as you are.

    With this I leave you with Susan Cains TED talk about “The power of introverts”

  • “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    I remember scrolling through podcast episodes, as prep for a business trip, when I stumbled upon an interview with Tony Robbins and Mo Gawdat. Gawdat, a former Chief Technology Officer at Google X, wasn’t talking about AI or groundbreaking tech. He was talking about happiness. That, in itself, was unusual. But it was how he talked about it that truly grabbed my attention.

    What you’ll find inside:

    He spoke with a quiet authority, a profound calm, and a story that was… devastating. His son, Ali, had tragically passed away, and Gawdat had embarked on a journey to understand how to navigate such immense grief, not by avoiding it, but by fundamentally changing his relationship to it.

    If you observe the people close to you, some are seemingly unflappable in the face of hardship, and I wonder: what’s their secret? Why are some capable of finding something positive, even in the darkest of times, while others feel almost miserable if little things didn’t work out?

    Gawdat’s story, and the framework he developed in his book, “Solve for Happy,” offered an answer, and it wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t about positive thinking or “looking on the bright side.” It was about understanding the engineering of happiness, the underlying mechanisms that create our experience of joy and suffering.

    Happiness: The Default Setting

    The core idea of “Solve for Happy” is surprisingly simple: happiness is our default state. Think about a baby. Before the world layers on expectations, trauma, and learned patterns, they are pure, unadulterated joy. They aren’t worried about the future or dwelling on the past. They’re simply experiencing the present moment.

    Read also: “Flow – the psychology of optimal experience”  by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

    Gawdat argues that this inherent joy isn’t lost, it’s masked. Our brains, designed for survival, constantly analyze, predict, and categorize, creating a complex web of beliefs and expectations that ultimately distort our perception of reality. We are, essentially, running a constant, complex algorithm, and the results are rarely what we think they are.

    Read also: Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, where he depicts that your brain is goal seeking machine

    The Illusions and Blindspots: Where the Algorithm Fails

    This algorithm, as Gawdat describes it, is riddled with illusions and blindspots. Here are a few key ones:

    • The Illusion of Control: We desperately believe we can control external events. We plan, strategize, and worry, all in an attempt to shape the world around us. But the truth is, a huge amount of life is unpredictable. Accepting this isn’t about resignation, it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering.
    • The Illusion of Separation: We perceive ourselves as separate from the world, from other people, from the universe. This creates feelings of loneliness, fear, and inadequacy. Recognizing our interconnectedness can foster empathy, compassion, and a sense of belonging.
    • The Illusion of Time: We get stuck in the past (regret, resentment) or the future (anxiety, worry), missing the beauty and opportunity of the present moment. Our brains are excellent at remembering and predicting, but terrible at experiencing the now.
    • The Limitation of Imperfection: We hold ourselves and others to unrealistic standards, leading to disappointment and frustration. Accepting imperfection is key to fostering self-compassion and building healthy relationships.

    The Story We Tell Ourselves

    Crucially, Gawdat argues that the events themselves aren’t the source of our suffering. It’s our interpretation of those events. Our brains are constantly constructing narratives, filling in gaps, and assigning meaning. None of these narratives are “reality” – they’re just stories we tell ourselves.

    Read also: “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” by Joseph Nguyen

    Think about a time someone apologized to you. The apology doesn’t erase the event that caused pain. But it changes how you feel about it, right? Because it alters the narrative. It signals a shift in intention, a recognition of harm, and an offer of reconciliation. This realignment between your internal world and the external world, Gawdat argues, is what brings relief.

    This leads to a powerful point: thinking alone has no impact on the reality of our lives. Endless analysis, rumination, and worry don’t solve problems, they create them. Overthinking doesn’t prepare you for the future; it steals the joy from the present. It’s a waste of precious mental energy, and it leads only to suffering with no benefits whatsoever.

    Remember: Always look on the bright side of life.

    Choosing Happiness: A Conscious Act

    Happiness, then, isn’t something that happens to you; it’s something you choose. It starts with awareness – a conscious recognition of your emotions, thoughts, and patterns. You have to become the observer of your own mind, rather than being swept away by its currents.

    Gawdat proposes several habits to cultivate this awareness. He emphasizes the importance of reframing your thinking and focusing on what you can control. Here are a few that I’ve found particularly helpful:

    • Success Journal: This isn’t about listing achievements. It’s about intentionally rewriting your brain to see the positive events in your life. Each day, write down at least five things that went well, no matter how small. It retrains your brain to focus on abundance and gratitude.
    • Awareness Break: Several times a day, pause and engage your senses. Recognize ten things around you, naming them, smelling them, tasting them, hearing them, feeling them. It grounds you in the present moment and disrupts the constant stream of thoughts.
    • Gratitude Walk: I’ve added this to the mix. Every morning, I go for a walk and, with each step, I consciously identify something I’m grateful for – the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds, the opportunity to breathe. It’s a simple practice, but it sets a positive tone for the entire day.

    My Biggest Takeaway from “Solve for Happy”

    If I had to distill all of Mo Gawdat’s insights in “Solve for Happy” down to a single, most impactful concept, it would be this: suffering isn’t caused by what happens to you, but by the story you tell yourself about what happens.

    While the book delves into illusions, algorithms, and practical habits, that core idea is the foundation upon which everything else is built. It’s profoundly liberating because it shifts the focus of control. We often feel helpless when life throws challenges our way, believing the events themselves are the problem. Gawdat argues that the problem isn’t the event, but the interpretation we assign to it.

    This isn’t just positive thinking; it’s a recognition of how our brains construct reality. We don’t experience events objectively; we filter them through our beliefs, past experiences, and expectations, creating a narrative that shapes our emotional response.

    Recognizing this allows you to:

    • Interrupt negative spirals: You can challenge the stories you tell yourself and reframe them in a more constructive light.
    • Reduce reactivity: You can create space between the event and your reaction, choosing how you respond instead of being swept away by automatic emotional patterns.
    • Take ownership of your happiness: You realize that you have the power to change your experience, not by changing the external world, but by changing your internal narrative.

    For me, that concept was the most impactful because it wasn’t about avoiding suffering – it’s about changing your relationship to it. It’s a shift from feeling like a victim of circumstance to becoming the author of your own experience. And that, ultimately, is a profoundly empowering realization.

    I’d love to exchange with you on this topic. Please comment or reach out to me on threads: https://www.threads.com/@gabriel.live.24

  • Silence the Doubters: How to handle “You Can’t”

    Silence the Doubters: How to handle “You Can’t”

    We’ve all been there. The well-meaning, or sometimes not-so-well-meaning, voices that consistently whisper, or even shout, “You can’t do that.” Whether it’s a family member, a colleague, or even a stranger, these pronouncements can be incredibly discouraging.

    The most significant obstacle to your success isn’t the difficulty of the task itself, but rather the negativity of others … well and sometimes also yourself.

    What you’ll find inside:

    A disclaimer (and a cucial point): this isn’t about ignoring sensible warnings or engaging in reckless behavior. Obviously, don’t rob a bank. This post isn’t a celebration of stubbornness or disregard for practicality. This blog post focuses on navigating the constant negativity of naysayers, particularly when you feel trapped in a situation where you can’t easily avoid them.

    The Baseline: Don’t Listen. (Really.)

    The core principle here is simple, but surprisingly difficult to implement: don’t listen to the “you can’ts.” More often than not, those pronouncements stem from the other person’s limited perspective, not from an objective assessment of your capabilities. They’re projecting their own fears, insecurities, and limitations onto you.

    Think about it. Someone telling you “you can’t just learn coding and start a SaaS Start-Up” might be speaking from their own fear of failure or a lack of experience in the tech-world. They may see all the potential difficulties – the cost, the work, the competition – and assume you’re incapable of overcoming them. But what they don’t see is your passion, your resourcefulness, your willingness to learn, and your unique vision.

    Also read: “Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory“

    Why Do They Say “You Can’t”?

    There are several underlying reasons why people feel the need to shut down your ideas with a blanket “you can’t.”

    • Lack of Imagination: Some people simply lack the ability to envision possibilities beyond their own experience. If they haven’t done it, it must be impossible. It’s a failure of imagination, not a judgment of your potential.
    • Projected Limiting Beliefs: This is a big one. We all carry around limiting beliefs – things we believe to be true about ourselves and the world that hold us back. When someone sees you attempting something outside their comfort zone, it can trigger their own insecurities. They subconsciously project their limitations onto you, telling you that you can’t do it because they can’t.
    • Fear of Your Success: This can be subtle, but it’s real. Your ambition and willingness to take risks might make others uncomfortable. They may fear that your success will highlight their own lack of action or courage.
    • Genuine (But Misguided) Concern: Sometimes, people think they’re protecting you from disappointment or failure. They may genuinely believe they’re offering helpful advice, but their message comes across as discouraging.

    The Self-Assessment: Are You Ready to Believe in Yourself?

    Before dismissing all naysayers entirely, it’s crucial to do a little self-assessment. Ask yourself these questions:

    • Would I be enthusiastic to tell my friends and family about it? (But don’t tell them yet!) This gauges your internal passion. If the thought energizes you, it’s a good sign. Also checks on your moral compass of what you are about to do is in the realm of your “tribe”.
    • Am I capable of imagining how I have accomplished it? Can you visualize success? Can you mentally walk through the steps? This demonstrates a degree of feasibility in your own mind. If you can almost feel what you are about to imagine, then you are on the right track.
    • Am I capable of learning it? Is the skill or knowledge required within your reach? Are you willing to invest the time and effort to acquire it? Do you know, what you don’t know?
    • Am I capable of putting into action what I learned? Do you have the discipline and motivation to translate knowledge into action? Also here, are you willing to invest the time?

    If you answer “yes” to all these questions, then the only thing left to do is… just do it. Don’t overthink it, don’t seek endless validation, and don’t make a big deal out of it.

    Read also: “Trust your instincts“

    Start taking small steps toward your goal, and let your actions speak for themselves. Once you feel traction and initial sparks of success, start the show and tell tour.

    Three Habits for Coping with the “You Can’t” Crowd

    Okay, so you’ve decided to ignore the negativity and pursue your dreams. But what about dealing with the people who constantly tell you “you can’t”? Here are three practical habits to help you cope:

    1. The “Thank You, Moving On” Technique: When someone tells you “you can’t,” simply say “Thank you for your input,” and then immediately change the subject. This acknowledges their comment without engaging in a debate or allowing it to derail your momentum.
      Why it works: It asserts your boundaries and prevents them from drawing you into a negative conversation. You’re politely but firmly shutting down their attempt to control your narrative.
    2. The “Information Diet” Strategy: Limit your exposure to the negativity. If there’s someone in your life who consistently undermines your goals, reduce the amount of time you spend with them, or avoid discussing your ambitions altogether.
      Why it works: You’re protecting your energy and creating a supportive environment for your dreams to flourish. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and constant negativity will drain your motivation.
    3. The “Reflective Question” Technique: When someone says “You can’t do that,” instead of getting defensive or arguing, respond with a calm, open-ended question. For example, “What makes you say that?” or “Can you help me understand your perspective?”. Read also “the lost art of asking“.
      Why it works: This forces the person to articulate the reason behind their doubt. Often, their reasoning is flimsy or based on assumptions. It also shifts the focus from you to their own perspective, making them examine their own limitations. It doesn’t necessarily change their mind, but it can expose the weakness of their argument.

    Final Thoughts

    The world will always have its share of naysayers and the will cross your path anyways. Don’t let their limitations define you.

    Projecting limiting beliefs is a complex interplay of cognitive biases, emotional defense mechanisms, and neurological processes. It’s rarely about intentionally trying to bring someone down, but rather a reflection of the observer’s own internal world.

    Understanding this can help us to be more empathetic towards those who project negativity, while also strengthening our own resolve to pursue our goals, regardless of what others might believe.

    Remember, the only person who can truly tell you “you can’t” is yourself.

  • The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    We live in an age of self-proclaimed expertise. Social media has amplified voices and created a culture where everyone seems to have an opinion – and feels compelled to share it – instantly. This puts immense pressure on all of us to have the “right” answer at our fingertips, to appear knowledgeable and confident at all times. But the real power doesn’t lie in having the answer, but in knowing how to ask the right questions.

    What you’ll find inside:

    For many, asking questions feels vulnerable and me being sensitive to others am no exception to that. We worry about appearing ignorant, interrupting the flow of conversation, or simply bothering someone. But this reluctance is holding us back. Asking isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a demonstration of intellectual humility, a catalyst for learning, and a surprisingly powerful tool for innovation and understanding.

    This isn’t just about clarifying details or seeking directions. It’s about cultivating a mindset of curiosity, a relentless pursuit of the why behind everything, and a willingness to admit – and even embrace – the fact that we don’t have all the answers.

    Beyond the Surface: The Question Behind the Question

    Think about the last time someone asked you a question. Did they simply accept your initial response, or did they delve a little deeper? A truly insightful questioner doesn’t stop at the surface. They’re interested in the underlying assumptions, the context, and the motivations behind your answer. They’re asking the question behind the question.

    This is where the real magic happens. Let’s say someone asks, “What’s the best way to market my new product?” A basic answer might involve listing different marketing channels. But a genuinely curious questioner would follow up with:

    • “What problem does this product solve?”
    • “Who is your ideal customer?”
    • “What are your biggest concerns about launching this product?”
    • “What have you tried already, and what were the results?”

    These aren’t just follow-up questions; they’re attempts to understand the context of the original question. They reveal the assumptions the person is making, the challenges they’re facing, and the true needs driving their inquiry. By understanding these underlying factors, you can offer far more valuable and tailored advice. John G. Miller wrote a book on this subject called “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life“

    Making Asking a Habit: Embracing “I Don’t Know”

    The biggest obstacle to asking good questions is often internal. We’re afraid of appearing foolish, or we fall into the trap of believing we already know enough. But the truth is, we all have gaps in our knowledge and best lessons are learned through failure. The world is incredibly complex, and no one can possibly know everything.

    The key is to reframe our perception of asking questions. It’s not about admitting ignorance; it’s about acknowledging the limits of our understanding and actively seeking to expand it. Think of it as an investment in your own intellectual growth. Your curiosity might even make you an expert whom people will pay for their advice.

    Make asking questions a habit. Practice it in all aspects of your life, from casual conversations to professional meetings. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not familiar with that – can you explain it to me?” or “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about…?”

    This isn’t just about being polite; it’s about signaling your genuine interest and creating a space for open dialogue. People generally enjoy sharing their knowledge and expertise. When you demonstrate a willingness to learn, you’ll be surprised how readily they’ll offer their insights.

    What Constitutes a “Good” Question? (And Avoiding the Obvious)

    So, what does a good question actually look like? It’s not about complexity or cleverness. It’s about clarity, relevance, and a genuine desire to understand.

    If you’re starting from a place of “knowing nothing” about a topic (which is a great place to start!), here are some general questions that can kickstart a conversation:

    • “Can you explain that to me like I’m five?” This forces the other person to break down complex concepts into simple, understandable terms.
    • “What are the biggest challenges in this area?” This reveals the pain points and obstacles that others are facing.
    • “What assumptions are we making?” This helps to uncover hidden biases and potential blind spots.
    • “What are the different perspectives on this issue?” This encourages a broader understanding and avoids narrow thinking.
    • “What does success look like in this context?” This clarifies the goals and objectives of the conversation.
    • “What are the key trade-offs we need to consider?” This promotes a more nuanced and realistic assessment of the situation.
    • “How does this connect to…?” (complete the sentence with something you do understand). This builds a bridge between the unfamiliar and the familiar.

    Of course, you want to avoid asking questions that are painfully obvious or have already been answered. Asking “What is the capital of France?” in a geography lesson isn’t exactly insightful. Pay attention to the context and demonstrate that you’ve made an effort to understand the basics before diving into more complex inquiries.

    Training Yourself: The Power of Self-Questioning

    Asking questions isn’t just something you do to others; it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and critical thinking. Practice questioning your own assumptions, beliefs, and motivations.

    • “Why do I believe this?”
    • “What evidence supports this claim?”
    • “What are the potential consequences of this decision?”
    • “What am I missing?”

    Regular self-questioning can help you identify your biases, challenge your assumptions, and make more informed decisions. It’s like giving your brain a regular workout, strengthening your ability to think critically and creatively.

    Asking Isn’t a Magic Bullet: Learning from the Answers (and Beyond)

    It’s important to remember that asking questions isn’t a silver bullet. It won’t magically solve all your problems or provide you with all the answers. But it will open doors to new perspectives, deepen your understanding, and empower you to learn and grow.

    The real value lies in listening to the answers you receive, and then using that information to fuel further inquiry. Don’t be afraid to follow the rabbit hole, to explore unexpected connections, and to challenge your own preconceived notions.

    Asking the right questions is a lifelong pursuit. It’s a skill that requires practice, patience, and a genuine curiosity about the world around you. But the rewards are immeasurable. So, embrace the art of asking, and unlock the power of learning, growth, and innovation.

    I leave you with a TED talk by Karen Maeyens about her perspective on why we should ask questions.

  • Rewire your brain: The Transformative Power of Psycho Cybernetics

    Rewire your brain: The Transformative Power of Psycho Cybernetics

    For years, I felt muted. Not in the sense of lacking opinions, but like my voice simply didn’t carry. In crowded rooms, during team meetings, even at a bar, I’d speak, and it felt like my words evaporated before reaching their intended ears. I’d rehearse what I wanted to say, try to project, but nothing seemed to work. I genuinely believed there was something wrong with how I communicated, some technical malfunction in my vocal delivery.

    After reading Maxwell Maltz’s “Psycho Cybernetics” I began to understand what was really happening. It wasn’t a vocal problem; it was a self-image problem. And, crucially, it was a problem I could change.

    What you’ll find inside:

    “Psycho Cybernetics” published in 1960 is a fascinating exploration of the human mind, drawing parallels between guided missile systems (the “cybernetics” part) and our innate ability to achieve goals. Maltz, a plastic surgeon, observed something profound in his patients: often, physical correction didn’t solve underlying emotional or behavioral issues. He realized the image people held of themselves was far more powerful than their physical appearance.

    The Sculpting of Self: How We Build Our Inner Image

    Maltz argues that our self-image isn’t something we’re born with, but rather something we build over time through our experiences – particularly in childhood. These experiences, whether positive or negative, create a mental picture of who we are. This picture, often subconscious, dictates how we perceive the world and, critically, what we believe is possible for ourselves.

    Think of it like this: imagine a sculptor slowly chipping away at a block of stone. Each experience, each interaction, is a strike of the chisel, shaping the final form. For me, early experiences of being talked over, or dismissed in group settings, had chipped away at my confidence, creating a self-image of someone whose voice wasn’t valued or heard. I wasn’t consciously trying to be quiet, my subconscious had simply decided that’s who I was.

    But the beautiful thing is, if the sculptor can continue to work the stone, they can also reshape it. Maltz explains that we can change our self-image using the same creative process we used to build it in the first place.

    Goal-Seeking Machines and the Limits of “Possible”

    Humans are, at their core, goal-seeking organisms. Our brains are wired to identify desired outcomes and then relentlessly work to achieve them. But here’s the catch: that pursuit of goals is always filtered through the lens of our self-image. (read also why feed your brain with decent information)

    Maltz introduces the idea of an “area of the possible.” This is the range of outcomes our subconscious believes we are capable of achieving. If your self-image is limited, your area of what you can imagine and actually do shrinks. You might have the talent, the skills, even the desire to reach for something bigger, but your subconscious will subtly sabotage your efforts, creating obstacles and self-doubt.

    I realized my muted voice wasn’t about a technical issue, but about a self-imposed limitation. I had unconsciously defined myself as someone who wasn’t meant to be heard and thought I was just a good listener. My subconscious wasn’t actively trying to silence me, but it wasn’t actively helping me project either.

    The Power of “Acting As If”

    So how do we reshape our self-image and expand our area of the possible? Maltz advocates a powerful technique: “acting as if.” But this is not about “fake it till you make it”. He encourages us to mentally rehearse success, vividly imagining ourselves already possessing the qualities and achieving the goals we desire.

    This isn’t just positive thinking. It’s about creatively experiencing the desired outcome through your imagination. It’s about immersing yourself in the feeling of success, allowing your subconscious to accept that new reality.

    For me, this meant practicing speaking with confidence, not just in private, but visualizing myself addressing a room and being listened to with genuine interest. I imagined the feeling of delivering a powerful message and the positive response it garnered. It felt silly at first, but slowly, it started to work.

    From Past Mistakes to Future Growth

    Maltz emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present and future, rather than dwelling on past mistakes. He isn’t suggesting we ignore our errors, but rather that we learn from them and move forward. He stresses that constantly revisiting the past only reinforces negative patterns.

    “Admit your mistakes and errors, but don’t cry over them. Correct them and go forward,” he writes. This resonated deeply. I had a habit of replaying past conversations, agonizing over what I should have said, which only reinforced my anxiety and self-doubt. Learning to acknowledge mistakes, correct them when possible, and then let them go was a crucial step in reshaping my self-image.

    „It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.“

    Furthermore, Maltz encourages us to practice empathy. “In dealing with other people, try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.” This shifts the focus away from self-absorption and fosters a more positive and constructive mindset.

    Three Habits to Implement from “Psycho-Cybernetics”

    Here are three actionable habits derived from the book that I’ve incorporated into my life, and which have made a significant difference:

    1. Mental Rehearsal (5-10 minutes daily): Before a potentially challenging situation (a presentation, a difficult conversation, etc.), spend 5-10 minutes vividly imagining yourself successfully navigating it. Focus on the feeling of confidence and positive outcomes.
      Why it works: This primes your subconscious for success, reducing anxiety and increasing the likelihood of a favorable outcome. It’s like practicing a skill in your mind before you physically perform it.
    2. “Error Correction” Journaling (Weekly): Once a week, review your past week and identify a mistake or something you wish you’d handled differently. Briefly acknowledge the error, outline what you’ve learned, and consciously commit to a different approach in the future.
      Why it works: This breaks the cycle of dwelling on past mistakes, fostering a growth mindset and reinforcing positive change. It shifts the focus from regret to learning.
    3. Perspective-Taking Exercise (Daily): Each day, actively try to see a situation from another person’s point of view. Consider their motivations, beliefs, and experiences. Try to understand the motivations and reactions of others, and respond with empathy and understanding.
      Why it works: This cultivates empathy and reduces self-centeredness, fostering more positive relationships and a more balanced perspective. It allows you to approach challenges with greater understanding and compassion.

    In conclusion, “Psycho Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz offers a powerful framework for understanding and transforming your self-image. It reminds us that we are not fixed entities, but rather dynamic, evolving beings capable of reshaping our minds and achieving our full potential. And for me, it finally allowed my voice to be heard.

  • The Static in Your Focus: How Feelings Hijack Your Attention (and How to Tune Back In)

    The Static in Your Focus: How Feelings Hijack Your Attention (and How to Tune Back In)

    We all strive for focus, read productivity hacks, optimize our workspaces, and even try mindfulness techniques. But what if the biggest obstacle to your focus isn’t external distractions, but the internal world of feelings?

    What you’ll find inside:

    I recently spoke with a friend who confessed she struggles to contribute in meetings. She has valuable ideas, but is paralyzed by the fear of saying something “wrong”. She’s convinced it will sound foolish, or she’ll miss a crucial detail. My response wasn’t to tell her to just “push through it”. I explained that fear isn’t bad. It’s a primal signal – a caution flag waving to say, “Hey, assess the situation!”. It’s meant to make you cautious, not freeze you solid or make you flee the room.

    This conversation sparked a deeper realization: we often treat feelings as enemies of productivity and deep work – something to suppress or ignore. But what if they’re actually vital signals, constantly communicating information we need to navigate life effectively? And what if learning to interpret those signals is the key to reclaiming our focus?

    Feelings: The Body’s Language

    Think about it this way: thoughts are the language of the mind, processing information and forming conclusions. Feelings are the language of the body, offering a visceral response to that information. Just as we can’t ignore important thoughts, we can’t afford to dismiss our feelings. Feeling something – joy, sadness, frustration, even discomfort – means your body or your unconscious is trying to tell you something.

    Ignoring these signals in the name of productivity might seem effective in the short-term. You power through, ignoring the nagging anxiety or the quiet disappointment. But on the long run, this is like running a car with a flashing warning light. You might keep going for a while, but eventually, something will break down – burnout, chronic stress, a loss of motivation, or even physical illness.

    However, and this is crucial, feelings also have a knack for derailing us. They can act like a radio signal getting lost in static, overwhelming our ability to concentrate on the task at hand. That’s because feelings are powerful, demanding attention, and often triggering impulsive reactions.

    Four Horsemen of Negative Feelings & What They’re Trying to Tell You

    Let’s examine my top of the most common culprits that steal our focus by playing on infinite loop in your head:

    • Anxiety: Often experienced as a racing heart, shallow breathing, and a sense of dread.
      What it communicates: “Something feels uncertain, a potential threat exists, prepare to respond!”
      Positive aspect: Anxiety, when acknowledged, can fuel proactive problem-solving. It can make us more aware of potential risks and encourage us to take steps to mitigate them.
    • Anger: A powerful emotion characterized by frustration, irritation, and a desire for justice.
      What it communicates: “A boundary has been crossed, a need is not being met, something is unfair!”
      Positive aspect: Anger, when channeled constructively, can be a powerful motivator for change. It can drive us to stand up for ourselves and others, and to address injustice.
    • Insecurity & Self-Doubt: A nagging feeling of inadequacy, questioning your abilities and worth.
      What it communicates: “You’re stretching beyond your comfort zone, you’re vulnerable, there’s a fear of failure.”
      Positive aspect: Self-doubt, surprisingly, can lead to growth. It encourages us to seek feedback, to learn and improve, and to approach challenges with humility. Also remember that is always a journey into the unknown and insecurity is part of it.
    • Regret: A painful emotion stemming from past actions or inactions.
      What it communicates: “You value something you didn’t prioritize, a lesson needs to be learned, a course correction is needed.”
      Positive aspect: Regret, when processed, can be a powerful teacher. It helps us clarify our values, make better decisions in the future, and cultivate greater self-awareness. It indicates, that you now are aware of your past mistakes.

    If you’d like to explore further on our emotions, I recommend to follow up on Lisa Feldman Barrett, who explains that emotions are not hardwired responses but are constructed by the brain based on past experiences and context.

    Reclaiming Your Focus: Three Powerful Habits

    So, how do you navigate this internal landscape of feelings without getting completely derailed? Here are three habits to cultivate:

    1. The “Boundary Setting” Exercise (Ongoing): Identify situations or people that consistently trigger negative emotions. Then, consciously set boundaries to protect your energy and well-being. This could involve saying “no” to extra commitments, limiting contact with toxic individuals, or clearly communicating your needs.
      Why it works: Boundaries reduce the frequency of triggering situations, minimizing emotional overwhelm and restoring a sense of control.
    2. The “Feeling-Focused Question” (When Distracted): When you notice your focus drifting, instead of berating yourself for being distracted, ask yourself, “What feeling is contributing to this distraction?” Is it anxiety about a deadline? Frustration with a task? Boredom? Once you identify the feeling, acknowledge it (“Okay, I’m feeling anxious right now.”) and briefly explore what’s triggering it. Why it works: This shifts you from reacting to the feeling to understanding it. Understanding creates space and allows you to choose a more conscious response.
    3. The “Micro-Action” (When Feeling Overwhelmed): Instead of trying to “fix” a feeling or immediately “power through” your work, take a small, actionable step. If you’re feeling anxious about a large project, break it down into the smallest possible task (e.g., “Write one paragraph.”). If you’re feeling frustrated, take a 5-minute break to stretch or listen to music.
      Why it works: Micro-actions create a sense of momentum and control. They interrupt the cycle of overwhelm and allow you to gradually regain your focus.

    Listen to the Signal

    Feelings aren’t enemies to productivity; they are important signals. Just like any signal, the stronger the feeling, the more important it is to listen in. Ignoring them might offer temporary gains, but ultimately leads to burnout and disconnection.

    By cultivating emotional awareness, learning to interpret those signals, and responding with compassion and action, you can reclaim your focus, navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience, and unlock your full potential. The static may never disappear entirely, but you can learn to tune it out – and listen to the messages beneath.

  • “Badass Habits” and a benefit – rewriting your reality

    “Badass Habits” and a benefit – rewriting your reality

    Experiencing the positive effect of rewiring my habits for the past year, I curiously seek to understand this topic further. This is how I stumbled upon Jen Sincero’s “Badass Habits”, and something clicked. It wasn’t just about positive thinking; it was about brutally honest self-assessment and the need to actively visualize my new identity to make these habits work.

    What you’ll find inside:

    This book isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about understanding how deeply ingrained patterns – the habits we barely notice – shape our entire existence. And it’s refreshingly blunt, full of tough love and actionable strategies. Here’s a dive into the core ideas, and how they’ve helped me start building a life my future self will be proud of.

    The Cascade: Thoughts, Words, Beliefs, Habits, Reality

    Sincero lays it out powerfully: “Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our habits, and our habits become our realities.” It sounds simple, but it’s profoundly impactful. Think about it. How often do we unconsciously repeat negative self-talk (“I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up”)? These thoughts aren’t just fleeting feelings; they shape how we talk to ourselves and how we perceive the world. (read also how vocabulary molds your reality)

    Over time, these repeated thoughts solidify into beliefs. We believe we’re not good enough, so we might avoid challenges. These beliefs then drive our habits. We procrastinate, self-sabotage, or play it safe. And ultimately, those habits create our reality: a life filled with missed opportunities and a pervasive sense of unfulfillment.

    I realized I’d been stuck in this loop for years. I believed I didn’t have the time to do creative stuff, so I avoided writing, drawing, or any activity that felt “artistic”. This belief created the habit of avoiding anything creative, and unsurprisingly, I had a very unfulfilling creative life! But Sincero argues that’s nonsense. Beliefs aren’t immutable truths; they’re just stories we’ve been telling ourselves.

    Who Are You Becoming? The Power of Identity

    This is where the book really shifted my perspective. Sincero emphasizes that “When it comes to building great habits and ditching lame ones, your commitment to staying focused on who you’re becoming regardless of where you are/who you are right now is the mightiest power you’ve got.”

    Forget about being “perfect” or instantly successful. The focus isn’t on achieving a goal; it’s on becoming the person who would achieve that goal. This is about identity.

    “Shift your identity to match the habits you’re adopting.”

    Instead of saying “I want to be a writer,” you embody being a writer. You dress the part (even if it’s just comfy pajamas!), you create a dedicated writing space, and you prioritize writing time. You become the person who writes, regardless of whether you’ve published a single word.

    I started doing this with exercise. For years, I’d tried to “get in shape” with fleeting motivation. Then I decided I was becoming a “strong and healthy person.” I didn’t focus on weight loss or achieving a specific physique. I focused on feeling strong and healthy. I started small – a one push-up each day. This exercise was about embodying the kind of person who prioritizes her health and well-being. This small shift in identity made a massive difference. (also read How The Compound Effect transforms your life.)

    Awareness is the Foundation

    Sincero stresses that “The first step to making any major change in your life is always awareness.” This sounds obvious, but it’s surprisingly difficult to do. We’re so busy living on autopilot, we rarely pause to examine our thoughts, beliefs, and habits. (read From Reacting to Witnessing: A Path to Inner Growth)

    The book challenges you to brutally honest self-assessment and question your limiting beliefs and sabotaging habits. It’s uncomfortable work, but essential.

    I started journaling, not about my daily activities, but about my internal dialogue. With the help of AI reflecting on what I have written, I realized I was constantly apologizing for things that weren’t my fault, downplaying my accomplishments, and seeking external validation. These were deeply ingrained habits, fueled by a belief that I wasn’t worthy of respect.

    Re-Writing Your Narrative: Perception and Visualization

    Sincero argues that “Our “realities” are determined by how we habitually perceive ourselves and our world.” This is mind-bending, but incredibly empowering. We’re not victims of our circumstances; we’re co-creators of our reality.

    She encourages us to visualize ourselves as the hero of our own life story. Not a passive observer, but an active protagonist, facing challenges with courage and resilience. This isn’t about magical thinking; it’s about training your brain to focus on possibilities rather than limitations.

    I started a visualization practice where I imagined myself confidently navigating challenging situations, speaking my truth, and achieving my goals. It felt silly at first, but it helped me reprogram my subconscious mind and build self-confidence.

    Sincero champions the use of mantras and affirmations, but not in the fluffy, feel-good way many people approach them. She emphasizes that they need to be believable and specifically address the limiting beliefs you’re trying to overcome.

    Instead of simply saying “I am successful,” you might say, “I am capable of learning and growing, and I will take consistent action towards my goals.” This is a more realistic and empowering affirmation.

    Three Habits to Rewrite Your Reality (Inspired by “Badass Habits”)

    Here are three habits I adopted, applying the principles from the book:

    1. Daily “Truth Bomb” Journaling: This isn’t about listing your gratitude (though that’s good too). It’s about identifying a limiting belief you’re struggling with and writing a counter-argument, based on logic and evidence.
      Why it works: It forces you to actively challenge your negative thought patterns and build a more rational and empowering belief system.
    2. “Power Pose” Before Challenges : Adopt a confident posture (think Wonder Woman!) before facing a daunting task or situation.
      Why it works: Research shows that power poses can actually alter your brain chemistry, increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol, which leads to increased confidence and reduced stress. It’s a quick and easy way to tap into your inner strength.
    3. “Future Self” Letter Writing: Once a year write a letter from your ideal future self to your current self, offering encouragement, guidance, and celebrating your successes. Why it works: It helps you clarify your vision for the future and embody the identity of the person you want to become. It’s a powerful way to stay motivated and committed to your goals or rearrange them.

    “Badass Habits” isn’t a magic bullet. It requires consistent effort, brutal honesty, and a willingness to challenge your deeply ingrained patterns. But it’s a powerful roadmap for rewriting your reality and creating a life you truly love. It’s not about becoming “perfect,” it’s about becoming the best, most badass version of yourself. And that’s a journey worth taking.

  • How The Compound Effect transforms your life

    How The Compound Effect transforms your life

    We all have dreams. Goals we whisper to ourselves. Things we wish we were doing. For years, “getting in shape” was one of mine. I’d start strong in January, fueled by resolutions, only to fizzle out by February, overwhelmed and defeated. Sound familiar?

    What you’ll find inside:

    I was stuck in a cycle of grand gestures and fleeting motivation. Then, I decided to take another route – my personal lazy way of doing things.

    And it started with one push-up. Seriously. Just one.

    I was so disillusioned with failed attempts at intense workout regimes that I decided to strip it back. My goal? Do one push-up every single day for a year. No excuses. Even on travel days, I’d drop to the floor in my hotel room and knock it out. It felt ridiculously easy. Almost…insulting.

    But that was the point. It wasn’t about the one push-up itself. It was about establishing a system.

    Fast forward 365 days. I wasn’t a bodybuilder, but I was stronger. More importantly, I had a consistent habit. And then, something incredible happened. I realized I could easily do 10. Then 20. I built on that momentum. By the end of the year, I was comfortably doing 100 push-ups.

    One push-up. 100 push-ups. The difference wasn’t magic. It was the Compound Effect also described Darren Hardy’s book.

    The Power of Small Choices: Unpacking The Compound Effect

    “The Compound Effect” isn’t a self-help fad. It’s a brutally honest look at how our choices, seemingly insignificant on their own, accumulate over time to create enormous results – good or bad.

    Darren Hardy illustrates this brilliantly with a simple analogy: imagine two people starting on the same path. One person improves by just 1% each day. The other stays the same. After a year, the person improving by 1% isn’t just slightly ahead, they’re 37 times further along!

    That’s the power of compounding. It’s not about dramatic leaps; it’s about consistently making small, smart choices. It’s about understanding that:

    Small Choices + Consistency + Time = Radical Results.

    Hardy emphasizes that the magic isn’t in setting huge goals. In fact, focusing solely on outcomes can often hinder progress. Instead, he argues that you need to focus on your systems – the daily habits and routines that dictate your behaviour.

    Think of it like planting a seed. You don’t yell at the seed to grow faster, do you? You provide the right conditions: consistent watering, sunlight, and fertile soil. Your habits are the soil. Your systems are the consistent watering and sunlight. The results (your goals) will blossom naturally.

    The Compound Effect is about shifting your focus from goals to systems. Read also goals are for losers and how to think in systems.

    Habits & Systems: The Fuel for the Compound Effect

    So, how do we build these powerful systems? The answer lies in habits.

    Habits are the automatic behaviours we perform with little or no conscious thought. They conserve mental energy, allowing us to focus on more complex tasks.

    But not all habits are created equal. Bad habits, like excessive scrolling or unhealthy eating, create a negative compound effect, slowly eroding our well-being. I also recommend the book Outlive by Peter Attia in this context.

    Good habits, however, are the engine of the Compound Effect. They build momentum, creating a positive feedback loop that reinforces success.

    Here’s how habits and systems work together:

    • Habits: The individual actions you take (e.g., doing 1 push-up, reading 10 pages, meditating for 5 minutes).
    • Systems: The routines and structures that make those habits automatic and consistent (e.g., doing your push-up immediately after brushing your teeth, reading before bed, scheduling your meditation into your calendar).

    By designing effective systems, you remove friction and make good habits inevitable. This is crucial for sustained progress. You’re not relying on willpower, which is a finite resource. You’re leveraging the power of automaticity.

    Two Habits to Supercharge Your Compound Effect

    Ready to put the Compound Effect into action? Here are two habits you can start implementing today:

    1. The “5-Minute Tidy”

    • Action: Every evening (or morning), spend just 5 minutes tidying up one area of your home or workspace. Set a timer and focus solely on that task.
    • Why it works: This habit addresses the “small choices” aspect perfectly. 5 minutes feels manageable, even on your busiest days. Over time, these small bursts of cleaning prevent clutter from accumulating, creating a more organized and productive environment. The benefits compound exponentially, reducing stress, improving focus, and saving you hours of cleaning later on. It’s a small action with a huge impact. Plus, a tidy space leads to a tidy mind!

    2. “The One Thing” Daily Focus

    • Action: Each day, identify one thing you can do that will move you closer to your most important goal. It could be writing 500 words on a book, learning a new skill for 30 minutes, or making one important phone call. Prioritize this task and complete it before anything else. Schedule for it! (see also deep work)
    • Why it works: We often get bogged down in busywork, mistaking activity for progress. “The One Thing” forces you to focus on the most impactful task, leveraging the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule). By consistently tackling the most important thing, you create significant momentum. Even small, consistent effort compounds over time, leading to remarkable results. This habit isn’t about doing more; it’s about doing the right things.

    Start Small, Dream Big.

    The Compound Effect isn’t about overnight success. It’s about embracing the power of consistency and making small, deliberate choices that align with your long-term goals.

    Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. The magic happens over time.

    Remember my one push-up? It wasn’t about that push-up. It was about creating a system, building a habit, and harnessing the incredible power of the Compound Effect.

    So, what small choice will you make today to start building the life you want?

  • Beliefs & You: How They Shape Your Life & Unlock Your Potential

    Beliefs & You: How They Shape Your Life & Unlock Your Potential

    Have you ever stopped to consider why you do what you do? Not the immediate “I’m hungry, so I’m eating” reasons, but the underlying motivations, the silent assumptions guiding your choices?

    What you’ll find inside:

    The answer, more often than not, lies in the intricate web of beliefs we carry within us. These beliefs, formed early in life and continually reinforced, are the invisible architecture of our experience, shaping not only what we do, but who we are and how we think.

    Good intentions formed beliefs limiting my potential

    For years, I operated under a simple, seemingly sensible rule: don’t trust strangers. It was a directive ingrained in me by my parents, delivered with good intentions to keep me safe! And it did keep me safe, as a child.

    But as an adult, I began to notice a pattern. I wasn’t just cautious around strangers; I was instinctively skeptical of new ideas coming from anyone outside my established circle. New perspectives felt threatening. I realized this wasn’t just about physical safety. This ingrained belief had subtly colored my entire approach to learning, collaboration, and even personal growth. I was less open to new experiences and even tried to control situations avoiding new impulses. I wasn’t consciously trying to be closed off. It was simply the automatic response of a belief system honed over decades.

    This personal realization sparked a journey into understanding how these deeply held beliefs form, manifest, and ultimately, can either empower or limit us.

    How Beliefs are Built: The Foundations of Our Reality

    Beliefs aren’t born in a vacuum. They’re constructed from a variety of sources, often unconsciously.

    • Societal Conditioning: From the moment we’re born, we’re bombarded with societal norms, values, and expectations. These messages – about gender roles, success, relationships, money – forming the bedrock of many of our beliefs. For example, the belief that “hard work always leads to success” is a common societal message, even though it doesn’t always hold true!
    • Personal Experience: Our own experiences, especially those from childhood, are incredibly formative. A negative experience with a dog as a child might lead to a lifelong fear of dogs. A successful entrepreneurial venture might instill an unwavering belief in the power of taking risks.
    • Trusted Authorities: We often adopt the beliefs of people we trust and respect – parents, teachers, mentors, religious leaders. The advice, “Money doesn’t buy happiness” repeatedly echoed by a parent can shape a person’s financial perspective for life, even if they later experience happiness through financial security.
    • Repetition: The sheer repetition of a message – from advertising, media, or even casual conversations – can solidify a belief, even if it’s demonstrably false. Think about marketing campaigns that create a perceived “need” for a product you never knew you wanted.

    The Hidden Impact: Why We Struggle to See Our Beliefs

    So if these beliefs are so influential, why aren’t we more aware of them? Several factors contribute to this blind spot:

    • Automaticity: Over time, beliefs become automatic thoughts, running in the background of our consciousness. They’re like default settings on a computer – we don’t consciously think about them, they simply operate.
    • Confirmation Bias: We naturally seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs and dismiss information that contradicts them. This creates an echo chamber, reinforcing our worldview and preventing us from considering alternative perspectives. If you believe that “all politicians are corrupt,” you’ll likely focus on news stories that support that belief, ignoring examples of honest and ethical public servants.
    • Emotional Connection: Beliefs are often tied to strong emotions, making them resistant to change. Challenging a deeply held belief can feel like a personal attack, triggering defensiveness and resistance.
    • The Illusion of Objectivity: We tend to believe that our perception of reality is objective and unbiased, failing to recognize the extent to which it’s filtered through our subjective beliefs.

    This lack of awareness can be profoundly limiting. Our beliefs shape our interpretations of events, influencing our emotions, behaviors, and ultimately, our life outcomes. Imagine someone who believes they aren’t “good with money”. They might avoid learning about investing, make impulsive purchases, and subconsciously sabotage their financial success, because of that limiting belief. Recommending Happy Money by Ken Honda on this subject.

    We often don’t realize that we’re self-sabotaging – we simply attribute our failures to bad luck or external circumstances. This hinders us from recognizing our full potential.

    Breaking Free: Habits to Cultivate Awareness & Challenge Limiting Beliefs

    The good news is that we can become more aware of our beliefs and challenge those that are holding us back. Since I am a big believer in the power of habits, let me share two of them:

    1. The “Why” Exercise (Journaling):

    • Action: Whenever you notice a strong emotional reaction to a situation, or find yourself consistently making the same choices, ask yourself why. Don’t stop at the first answer. Keep asking “why” several times to dig deeper and uncover the underlying belief driving your behavior.
    • Why it Works: This habit forces you to become a detective of your own mind, uncovering the hidden assumptions that shape your actions. It creates space between your initial reaction and your response, allowing you to examine the belief objectively. For example: “I feel anxious when someone disagrees with me.” Why? “Because I fear rejection.” Why? “Because I believe my worth is tied to the approval of others.” Now you’ve identified a limiting belief you can work on.

    2. Perspective-Taking & Active Listening:

    • Action: Actively seek out perspectives different from your own. Engage in conversations with people who hold different viewpoints, and really listen to what they have to say. Try to understand their reasoning, even if you disagree. Challenge yourself to articulate their viewpoint back to them, ensuring you’ve truly understood it.
    • Why it Works: This habit breaks down the echo chamber and exposes you to alternative ways of thinking. It challenges your assumptions and forces you to consider the possibility that your beliefs might not be the only valid ones. It cultivates empathy and broadens your understanding of the world, paving the way for more informed and flexible thinking.

    Conclusion

    Challenging your beliefs is not about erasing your past or abandoning your values. It’s about creating a life that is aligned with your true potential, rather than being dictated by limiting beliefs formed long ago. It’s about recognizing that the architecture of your reality is not fixed, but a constantly evolving structure that you have the power to reshape. The journey to self-awareness is a lifelong one, but the rewards – a more fulfilling, authentic, and empowered life – are well worth the effort.

    Follow me on threads for daily inspiration: gabriel.live.24