Gabriel.LIVE

Category: Books

  • “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    I remember scrolling through podcast episodes, as prep for a business trip, when I stumbled upon an interview with Tony Robbins and Mo Gawdat. Gawdat, a former Chief Technology Officer at Google X, wasn’t talking about AI or groundbreaking tech. He was talking about happiness. That, in itself, was unusual. But it was how he talked about it that truly grabbed my attention.

    What you’ll find inside:

    He spoke with a quiet authority, a profound calm, and a story that was… devastating. His son, Ali, had tragically passed away, and Gawdat had embarked on a journey to understand how to navigate such immense grief, not by avoiding it, but by fundamentally changing his relationship to it.

    If you observe the people close to you, some are seemingly unflappable in the face of hardship, and I wonder: what’s their secret? Why are some capable of finding something positive, even in the darkest of times, while others feel almost miserable if little things didn’t work out?

    Gawdat’s story, and the framework he developed in his book, “Solve for Happy,” offered an answer, and it wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t about positive thinking or “looking on the bright side.” It was about understanding the engineering of happiness, the underlying mechanisms that create our experience of joy and suffering.

    Happiness: The Default Setting

    The core idea of “Solve for Happy” is surprisingly simple: happiness is our default state. Think about a baby. Before the world layers on expectations, trauma, and learned patterns, they are pure, unadulterated joy. They aren’t worried about the future or dwelling on the past. They’re simply experiencing the present moment.

    Read also: “Flow – the psychology of optimal experience”  by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

    Gawdat argues that this inherent joy isn’t lost, it’s masked. Our brains, designed for survival, constantly analyze, predict, and categorize, creating a complex web of beliefs and expectations that ultimately distort our perception of reality. We are, essentially, running a constant, complex algorithm, and the results are rarely what we think they are.

    Read also: Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, where he depicts that your brain is goal seeking machine

    The Illusions and Blindspots: Where the Algorithm Fails

    This algorithm, as Gawdat describes it, is riddled with illusions and blindspots. Here are a few key ones:

    • The Illusion of Control: We desperately believe we can control external events. We plan, strategize, and worry, all in an attempt to shape the world around us. But the truth is, a huge amount of life is unpredictable. Accepting this isn’t about resignation, it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering.
    • The Illusion of Separation: We perceive ourselves as separate from the world, from other people, from the universe. This creates feelings of loneliness, fear, and inadequacy. Recognizing our interconnectedness can foster empathy, compassion, and a sense of belonging.
    • The Illusion of Time: We get stuck in the past (regret, resentment) or the future (anxiety, worry), missing the beauty and opportunity of the present moment. Our brains are excellent at remembering and predicting, but terrible at experiencing the now.
    • The Limitation of Imperfection: We hold ourselves and others to unrealistic standards, leading to disappointment and frustration. Accepting imperfection is key to fostering self-compassion and building healthy relationships.

    The Story We Tell Ourselves

    Crucially, Gawdat argues that the events themselves aren’t the source of our suffering. It’s our interpretation of those events. Our brains are constantly constructing narratives, filling in gaps, and assigning meaning. None of these narratives are “reality” – they’re just stories we tell ourselves.

    Read also: “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” by Joseph Nguyen

    Think about a time someone apologized to you. The apology doesn’t erase the event that caused pain. But it changes how you feel about it, right? Because it alters the narrative. It signals a shift in intention, a recognition of harm, and an offer of reconciliation. This realignment between your internal world and the external world, Gawdat argues, is what brings relief.

    This leads to a powerful point: thinking alone has no impact on the reality of our lives. Endless analysis, rumination, and worry don’t solve problems, they create them. Overthinking doesn’t prepare you for the future; it steals the joy from the present. It’s a waste of precious mental energy, and it leads only to suffering with no benefits whatsoever.

    Remember: Always look on the bright side of life.

    Choosing Happiness: A Conscious Act

    Happiness, then, isn’t something that happens to you; it’s something you choose. It starts with awareness – a conscious recognition of your emotions, thoughts, and patterns. You have to become the observer of your own mind, rather than being swept away by its currents.

    Gawdat proposes several habits to cultivate this awareness. He emphasizes the importance of reframing your thinking and focusing on what you can control. Here are a few that I’ve found particularly helpful:

    • Success Journal: This isn’t about listing achievements. It’s about intentionally rewriting your brain to see the positive events in your life. Each day, write down at least five things that went well, no matter how small. It retrains your brain to focus on abundance and gratitude.
    • Awareness Break: Several times a day, pause and engage your senses. Recognize ten things around you, naming them, smelling them, tasting them, hearing them, feeling them. It grounds you in the present moment and disrupts the constant stream of thoughts.
    • Gratitude Walk: I’ve added this to the mix. Every morning, I go for a walk and, with each step, I consciously identify something I’m grateful for – the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds, the opportunity to breathe. It’s a simple practice, but it sets a positive tone for the entire day.

    My Biggest Takeaway from “Solve for Happy”

    If I had to distill all of Mo Gawdat’s insights in “Solve for Happy” down to a single, most impactful concept, it would be this: suffering isn’t caused by what happens to you, but by the story you tell yourself about what happens.

    While the book delves into illusions, algorithms, and practical habits, that core idea is the foundation upon which everything else is built. It’s profoundly liberating because it shifts the focus of control. We often feel helpless when life throws challenges our way, believing the events themselves are the problem. Gawdat argues that the problem isn’t the event, but the interpretation we assign to it.

    This isn’t just positive thinking; it’s a recognition of how our brains construct reality. We don’t experience events objectively; we filter them through our beliefs, past experiences, and expectations, creating a narrative that shapes our emotional response.

    Recognizing this allows you to:

    • Interrupt negative spirals: You can challenge the stories you tell yourself and reframe them in a more constructive light.
    • Reduce reactivity: You can create space between the event and your reaction, choosing how you respond instead of being swept away by automatic emotional patterns.
    • Take ownership of your happiness: You realize that you have the power to change your experience, not by changing the external world, but by changing your internal narrative.

    For me, that concept was the most impactful because it wasn’t about avoiding suffering – it’s about changing your relationship to it. It’s a shift from feeling like a victim of circumstance to becoming the author of your own experience. And that, ultimately, is a profoundly empowering realization.

    I’d love to exchange with you on this topic. Please comment or reach out to me on threads: https://www.threads.com/@gabriel.live.24

  • Rewire your brain: The Transformative Power of Psycho Cybernetics

    Rewire your brain: The Transformative Power of Psycho Cybernetics

    For years, I felt muted. Not in the sense of lacking opinions, but like my voice simply didn’t carry. In crowded rooms, during team meetings, even at a bar, I’d speak, and it felt like my words evaporated before reaching their intended ears. I’d rehearse what I wanted to say, try to project, but nothing seemed to work. I genuinely believed there was something wrong with how I communicated, some technical malfunction in my vocal delivery.

    After reading Maxwell Maltz’s “Psycho Cybernetics” I began to understand what was really happening. It wasn’t a vocal problem; it was a self-image problem. And, crucially, it was a problem I could change.

    What you’ll find inside:

    “Psycho Cybernetics” published in 1960 is a fascinating exploration of the human mind, drawing parallels between guided missile systems (the “cybernetics” part) and our innate ability to achieve goals. Maltz, a plastic surgeon, observed something profound in his patients: often, physical correction didn’t solve underlying emotional or behavioral issues. He realized the image people held of themselves was far more powerful than their physical appearance.

    The Sculpting of Self: How We Build Our Inner Image

    Maltz argues that our self-image isn’t something we’re born with, but rather something we build over time through our experiences – particularly in childhood. These experiences, whether positive or negative, create a mental picture of who we are. This picture, often subconscious, dictates how we perceive the world and, critically, what we believe is possible for ourselves.

    Think of it like this: imagine a sculptor slowly chipping away at a block of stone. Each experience, each interaction, is a strike of the chisel, shaping the final form. For me, early experiences of being talked over, or dismissed in group settings, had chipped away at my confidence, creating a self-image of someone whose voice wasn’t valued or heard. I wasn’t consciously trying to be quiet, my subconscious had simply decided that’s who I was.

    But the beautiful thing is, if the sculptor can continue to work the stone, they can also reshape it. Maltz explains that we can change our self-image using the same creative process we used to build it in the first place.

    Goal-Seeking Machines and the Limits of “Possible”

    Humans are, at their core, goal-seeking organisms. Our brains are wired to identify desired outcomes and then relentlessly work to achieve them. But here’s the catch: that pursuit of goals is always filtered through the lens of our self-image. (read also why feed your brain with decent information)

    Maltz introduces the idea of an “area of the possible.” This is the range of outcomes our subconscious believes we are capable of achieving. If your self-image is limited, your area of what you can imagine and actually do shrinks. You might have the talent, the skills, even the desire to reach for something bigger, but your subconscious will subtly sabotage your efforts, creating obstacles and self-doubt.

    I realized my muted voice wasn’t about a technical issue, but about a self-imposed limitation. I had unconsciously defined myself as someone who wasn’t meant to be heard and thought I was just a good listener. My subconscious wasn’t actively trying to silence me, but it wasn’t actively helping me project either.

    The Power of “Acting As If”

    So how do we reshape our self-image and expand our area of the possible? Maltz advocates a powerful technique: “acting as if.” But this is not about “fake it till you make it”. He encourages us to mentally rehearse success, vividly imagining ourselves already possessing the qualities and achieving the goals we desire.

    This isn’t just positive thinking. It’s about creatively experiencing the desired outcome through your imagination. It’s about immersing yourself in the feeling of success, allowing your subconscious to accept that new reality.

    For me, this meant practicing speaking with confidence, not just in private, but visualizing myself addressing a room and being listened to with genuine interest. I imagined the feeling of delivering a powerful message and the positive response it garnered. It felt silly at first, but slowly, it started to work.

    From Past Mistakes to Future Growth

    Maltz emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present and future, rather than dwelling on past mistakes. He isn’t suggesting we ignore our errors, but rather that we learn from them and move forward. He stresses that constantly revisiting the past only reinforces negative patterns.

    “Admit your mistakes and errors, but don’t cry over them. Correct them and go forward,” he writes. This resonated deeply. I had a habit of replaying past conversations, agonizing over what I should have said, which only reinforced my anxiety and self-doubt. Learning to acknowledge mistakes, correct them when possible, and then let them go was a crucial step in reshaping my self-image.

    „It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.“

    Furthermore, Maltz encourages us to practice empathy. “In dealing with other people, try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.” This shifts the focus away from self-absorption and fosters a more positive and constructive mindset.

    Three Habits to Implement from “Psycho-Cybernetics”

    Here are three actionable habits derived from the book that I’ve incorporated into my life, and which have made a significant difference:

    1. Mental Rehearsal (5-10 minutes daily): Before a potentially challenging situation (a presentation, a difficult conversation, etc.), spend 5-10 minutes vividly imagining yourself successfully navigating it. Focus on the feeling of confidence and positive outcomes.
      Why it works: This primes your subconscious for success, reducing anxiety and increasing the likelihood of a favorable outcome. It’s like practicing a skill in your mind before you physically perform it.
    2. “Error Correction” Journaling (Weekly): Once a week, review your past week and identify a mistake or something you wish you’d handled differently. Briefly acknowledge the error, outline what you’ve learned, and consciously commit to a different approach in the future.
      Why it works: This breaks the cycle of dwelling on past mistakes, fostering a growth mindset and reinforcing positive change. It shifts the focus from regret to learning.
    3. Perspective-Taking Exercise (Daily): Each day, actively try to see a situation from another person’s point of view. Consider their motivations, beliefs, and experiences. Try to understand the motivations and reactions of others, and respond with empathy and understanding.
      Why it works: This cultivates empathy and reduces self-centeredness, fostering more positive relationships and a more balanced perspective. It allows you to approach challenges with greater understanding and compassion.

    In conclusion, “Psycho Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz offers a powerful framework for understanding and transforming your self-image. It reminds us that we are not fixed entities, but rather dynamic, evolving beings capable of reshaping our minds and achieving our full potential. And for me, it finally allowed my voice to be heard.

  • “Badass Habits” and a benefit – rewriting your reality

    “Badass Habits” and a benefit – rewriting your reality

    Experiencing the positive effect of rewiring my habits for the past year, I curiously seek to understand this topic further. This is how I stumbled upon Jen Sincero’s “Badass Habits”, and something clicked. It wasn’t just about positive thinking; it was about brutally honest self-assessment and the need to actively visualize my new identity to make these habits work.

    What you’ll find inside:

    This book isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about understanding how deeply ingrained patterns – the habits we barely notice – shape our entire existence. And it’s refreshingly blunt, full of tough love and actionable strategies. Here’s a dive into the core ideas, and how they’ve helped me start building a life my future self will be proud of.

    The Cascade: Thoughts, Words, Beliefs, Habits, Reality

    Sincero lays it out powerfully: “Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our habits, and our habits become our realities.” It sounds simple, but it’s profoundly impactful. Think about it. How often do we unconsciously repeat negative self-talk (“I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up”)? These thoughts aren’t just fleeting feelings; they shape how we talk to ourselves and how we perceive the world. (read also how vocabulary molds your reality)

    Over time, these repeated thoughts solidify into beliefs. We believe we’re not good enough, so we might avoid challenges. These beliefs then drive our habits. We procrastinate, self-sabotage, or play it safe. And ultimately, those habits create our reality: a life filled with missed opportunities and a pervasive sense of unfulfillment.

    I realized I’d been stuck in this loop for years. I believed I didn’t have the time to do creative stuff, so I avoided writing, drawing, or any activity that felt “artistic”. This belief created the habit of avoiding anything creative, and unsurprisingly, I had a very unfulfilling creative life! But Sincero argues that’s nonsense. Beliefs aren’t immutable truths; they’re just stories we’ve been telling ourselves.

    Who Are You Becoming? The Power of Identity

    This is where the book really shifted my perspective. Sincero emphasizes that “When it comes to building great habits and ditching lame ones, your commitment to staying focused on who you’re becoming regardless of where you are/who you are right now is the mightiest power you’ve got.”

    Forget about being “perfect” or instantly successful. The focus isn’t on achieving a goal; it’s on becoming the person who would achieve that goal. This is about identity.

    “Shift your identity to match the habits you’re adopting.”

    Instead of saying “I want to be a writer,” you embody being a writer. You dress the part (even if it’s just comfy pajamas!), you create a dedicated writing space, and you prioritize writing time. You become the person who writes, regardless of whether you’ve published a single word.

    I started doing this with exercise. For years, I’d tried to “get in shape” with fleeting motivation. Then I decided I was becoming a “strong and healthy person.” I didn’t focus on weight loss or achieving a specific physique. I focused on feeling strong and healthy. I started small – a one push-up each day. This exercise was about embodying the kind of person who prioritizes her health and well-being. This small shift in identity made a massive difference. (also read How The Compound Effect transforms your life.)

    Awareness is the Foundation

    Sincero stresses that “The first step to making any major change in your life is always awareness.” This sounds obvious, but it’s surprisingly difficult to do. We’re so busy living on autopilot, we rarely pause to examine our thoughts, beliefs, and habits. (read From Reacting to Witnessing: A Path to Inner Growth)

    The book challenges you to brutally honest self-assessment and question your limiting beliefs and sabotaging habits. It’s uncomfortable work, but essential.

    I started journaling, not about my daily activities, but about my internal dialogue. With the help of AI reflecting on what I have written, I realized I was constantly apologizing for things that weren’t my fault, downplaying my accomplishments, and seeking external validation. These were deeply ingrained habits, fueled by a belief that I wasn’t worthy of respect.

    Re-Writing Your Narrative: Perception and Visualization

    Sincero argues that “Our “realities” are determined by how we habitually perceive ourselves and our world.” This is mind-bending, but incredibly empowering. We’re not victims of our circumstances; we’re co-creators of our reality.

    She encourages us to visualize ourselves as the hero of our own life story. Not a passive observer, but an active protagonist, facing challenges with courage and resilience. This isn’t about magical thinking; it’s about training your brain to focus on possibilities rather than limitations.

    I started a visualization practice where I imagined myself confidently navigating challenging situations, speaking my truth, and achieving my goals. It felt silly at first, but it helped me reprogram my subconscious mind and build self-confidence.

    Sincero champions the use of mantras and affirmations, but not in the fluffy, feel-good way many people approach them. She emphasizes that they need to be believable and specifically address the limiting beliefs you’re trying to overcome.

    Instead of simply saying “I am successful,” you might say, “I am capable of learning and growing, and I will take consistent action towards my goals.” This is a more realistic and empowering affirmation.

    Three Habits to Rewrite Your Reality (Inspired by “Badass Habits”)

    Here are three habits I adopted, applying the principles from the book:

    1. Daily “Truth Bomb” Journaling: This isn’t about listing your gratitude (though that’s good too). It’s about identifying a limiting belief you’re struggling with and writing a counter-argument, based on logic and evidence.
      Why it works: It forces you to actively challenge your negative thought patterns and build a more rational and empowering belief system.
    2. “Power Pose” Before Challenges : Adopt a confident posture (think Wonder Woman!) before facing a daunting task or situation.
      Why it works: Research shows that power poses can actually alter your brain chemistry, increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol, which leads to increased confidence and reduced stress. It’s a quick and easy way to tap into your inner strength.
    3. “Future Self” Letter Writing: Once a year write a letter from your ideal future self to your current self, offering encouragement, guidance, and celebrating your successes. Why it works: It helps you clarify your vision for the future and embody the identity of the person you want to become. It’s a powerful way to stay motivated and committed to your goals or rearrange them.

    “Badass Habits” isn’t a magic bullet. It requires consistent effort, brutal honesty, and a willingness to challenge your deeply ingrained patterns. But it’s a powerful roadmap for rewriting your reality and creating a life you truly love. It’s not about becoming “perfect,” it’s about becoming the best, most badass version of yourself. And that’s a journey worth taking.

  • How The Compound Effect transforms your life

    How The Compound Effect transforms your life

    We all have dreams. Goals we whisper to ourselves. Things we wish we were doing. For years, “getting in shape” was one of mine. I’d start strong in January, fueled by resolutions, only to fizzle out by February, overwhelmed and defeated. Sound familiar?

    What you’ll find inside:

    I was stuck in a cycle of grand gestures and fleeting motivation. Then, I decided to take another route – my personal lazy way of doing things.

    And it started with one push-up. Seriously. Just one.

    I was so disillusioned with failed attempts at intense workout regimes that I decided to strip it back. My goal? Do one push-up every single day for a year. No excuses. Even on travel days, I’d drop to the floor in my hotel room and knock it out. It felt ridiculously easy. Almost…insulting.

    But that was the point. It wasn’t about the one push-up itself. It was about establishing a system.

    Fast forward 365 days. I wasn’t a bodybuilder, but I was stronger. More importantly, I had a consistent habit. And then, something incredible happened. I realized I could easily do 10. Then 20. I built on that momentum. By the end of the year, I was comfortably doing 100 push-ups.

    One push-up. 100 push-ups. The difference wasn’t magic. It was the Compound Effect also described Darren Hardy’s book.

    The Power of Small Choices: Unpacking The Compound Effect

    “The Compound Effect” isn’t a self-help fad. It’s a brutally honest look at how our choices, seemingly insignificant on their own, accumulate over time to create enormous results – good or bad.

    Darren Hardy illustrates this brilliantly with a simple analogy: imagine two people starting on the same path. One person improves by just 1% each day. The other stays the same. After a year, the person improving by 1% isn’t just slightly ahead, they’re 37 times further along!

    That’s the power of compounding. It’s not about dramatic leaps; it’s about consistently making small, smart choices. It’s about understanding that:

    Small Choices + Consistency + Time = Radical Results.

    Hardy emphasizes that the magic isn’t in setting huge goals. In fact, focusing solely on outcomes can often hinder progress. Instead, he argues that you need to focus on your systems – the daily habits and routines that dictate your behaviour.

    Think of it like planting a seed. You don’t yell at the seed to grow faster, do you? You provide the right conditions: consistent watering, sunlight, and fertile soil. Your habits are the soil. Your systems are the consistent watering and sunlight. The results (your goals) will blossom naturally.

    The Compound Effect is about shifting your focus from goals to systems. Read also goals are for losers and how to think in systems.

    Habits & Systems: The Fuel for the Compound Effect

    So, how do we build these powerful systems? The answer lies in habits.

    Habits are the automatic behaviours we perform with little or no conscious thought. They conserve mental energy, allowing us to focus on more complex tasks.

    But not all habits are created equal. Bad habits, like excessive scrolling or unhealthy eating, create a negative compound effect, slowly eroding our well-being. I also recommend the book Outlive by Peter Attia in this context.

    Good habits, however, are the engine of the Compound Effect. They build momentum, creating a positive feedback loop that reinforces success.

    Here’s how habits and systems work together:

    • Habits: The individual actions you take (e.g., doing 1 push-up, reading 10 pages, meditating for 5 minutes).
    • Systems: The routines and structures that make those habits automatic and consistent (e.g., doing your push-up immediately after brushing your teeth, reading before bed, scheduling your meditation into your calendar).

    By designing effective systems, you remove friction and make good habits inevitable. This is crucial for sustained progress. You’re not relying on willpower, which is a finite resource. You’re leveraging the power of automaticity.

    Two Habits to Supercharge Your Compound Effect

    Ready to put the Compound Effect into action? Here are two habits you can start implementing today:

    1. The “5-Minute Tidy”

    • Action: Every evening (or morning), spend just 5 minutes tidying up one area of your home or workspace. Set a timer and focus solely on that task.
    • Why it works: This habit addresses the “small choices” aspect perfectly. 5 minutes feels manageable, even on your busiest days. Over time, these small bursts of cleaning prevent clutter from accumulating, creating a more organized and productive environment. The benefits compound exponentially, reducing stress, improving focus, and saving you hours of cleaning later on. It’s a small action with a huge impact. Plus, a tidy space leads to a tidy mind!

    2. “The One Thing” Daily Focus

    • Action: Each day, identify one thing you can do that will move you closer to your most important goal. It could be writing 500 words on a book, learning a new skill for 30 minutes, or making one important phone call. Prioritize this task and complete it before anything else. Schedule for it! (see also deep work)
    • Why it works: We often get bogged down in busywork, mistaking activity for progress. “The One Thing” forces you to focus on the most impactful task, leveraging the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule). By consistently tackling the most important thing, you create significant momentum. Even small, consistent effort compounds over time, leading to remarkable results. This habit isn’t about doing more; it’s about doing the right things.

    Start Small, Dream Big.

    The Compound Effect isn’t about overnight success. It’s about embracing the power of consistency and making small, deliberate choices that align with your long-term goals.

    Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. The magic happens over time.

    Remember my one push-up? It wasn’t about that push-up. It was about creating a system, building a habit, and harnessing the incredible power of the Compound Effect.

    So, what small choice will you make today to start building the life you want?

  • Stuck in Traffic, Stuck in My Head: How “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” Changed My Perspective

    Stuck in Traffic, Stuck in My Head: How “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” Changed My Perspective

    I was late. Not just a few minutes late, but really late. A crucial meeting with a potential client, months in the making, and I was stuck, completely immobile, on the highway. The sun beat down on my car, and the minutes crawled by. Instead of rationally assessing the situation (call them, explain, breathe), I spiraled. My heart hammered, my palms sweat, and my internal monologue went into overdrive: “This is a disaster! They’ll think I’m unprofessional! This deal is ruined! My career is over!” It was a classic example of making a mountain out of a molehill, and at that moment, I was convinced that mountain was going to crush me.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Looking back, the traffic was just… traffic. A temporary inconvenience. But my reaction to it was the real problem. And that’s the core message of Joseph Nguyen’s incredibly insightful book, “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” This book isn’t just another self-help guide; it’s a profound exploration of how our perceptions create our reality, and how, with a little awareness, we can reclaim control of our emotional lives.

    Don’t read this book for information, read it for insight. Insight (or wisdom) can only be found within.

    – Joseph Nguyen

    The World as We Perceive It, Not as It Is

    Nguyen challenges a fundamental assumption we all make: that we are experiencing reality directly. He argues that we don’t live in reality, we live in a world of thought. The actual events that happen are just… events. They happen with no inherent meaning. Imagine a simple occurrence – a friend cancelling lunch. That’s the event. But what meaning do we assign to it? “They don’t care about me,” or “Something important must have come up,” or “They’re just flaky.” That meaning is what triggers the emotional response.

    This is crucial: the event itself doesn’t cause the feeling, our interpretation of it does. And that interpretation isn’t a fixed truth, it’s a subjective construct. Ask ten different people to describe the same conversation, and you’ll get ten different accounts, colored by their own experiences, beliefs, and biases. We’re all essentially watching the world through a personalized filter, shaped by years of accumulated thinking.

    This realization is humbling, and potentially liberating. If our experience of life is built on perception, not objective truth, then we have the power to shift that perception.

    Feelings Follow Thought, Not Events

    The book’s most potent message centers on the relationship between thoughts and feelings. Nguyen argues that we don’t feel because of what happens to us, we feel because of what we think about what happens. Pain is inevitable, life throws curveballs, but suffering is optional.

    Think back to my traffic jam. The cars were simply stopped. The heat was just a temperature. The suffering came from the catastrophic stories I was telling myself, the exaggerated fears, the imagined consequences.

    Nguyen makes a compelling case that our thinking is the root cause of our suffering. If we accept that we can only ever feel what we are thinking, then we unlock the potential to change our feelings simply by changing our thoughts.

    This isn’t about positive thinking or denial. It’s about recognizing that our emotional state is a choice, determined by the narrative we create in our minds. We are, at any given moment, only one thought away from experiencing something different, from transforming our entire experience of life.

    The Power of “Thinking” vs. Having “Thoughts”

    The book draws a crucial distinction between simply having thoughts and engaging in thinking. Thoughts, Nguyen explains, are like clouds passing through the sky – they arise and pass without our conscious effort. But thinking is actively engaging with those thoughts, analyzing them, getting caught up in stories and narratives.

    We don’t have to engage with every thought that enters our mind. In fact, that’s where the problem lies. The more we dwell on our thoughts, the more powerful they become, fueling anxiety, worry, and sadness.

    Nguyen beautifully illustrates this with a simple analogy: Thoughts create, thinking destroys. Thoughts are the building blocks of reality, but thinking is the incessant, often negative, commentary that undermines our peace and well-being.

    He introduces the idea of a “thought-o-meter” – imagine a speedometer in your mind. The more thinking you’re doing, the higher it climbs. Low speeds are okay, even enjoyable, allowing for creativity and reflection. But when it hits the red zone, fueled by relentless worry and overanalysis, that’s when we experience stress, burnout, and emotional distress. Conversely, positive emotions flourish when the “thought-o-meter” is low – when we’re present, engaged, and not lost in the labyrinth of our minds. That is why concepts of Deep Work or Flow are so important.

    Three Habits to Explore the Impact of Thinking

    “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” isn’t just theoretical; it provides practical tools for applying these principles to daily life. Here are three habits Nguyen suggests, explained with a bit more detail:

    1. The “What Are You Thinking?”

    • Action: Throughout the day, pause and ask yourself: “What am I thinking right now?” Not what’s happening, but what is going on inside your head? Initially, you’ll likely discover you’re lost in a stream of narratives, judgments, and worries. This practice isn’t about stopping the thoughts, but about becoming aware of them. Awareness is the first step towards creating distance and preventing them from dictating your emotional state.
    • Why it works: It breaks the automaticity of thinking and allows you to observe your internal world with more objectivity.

    2. The “Thinking = Believing”

    • Action: Notice how readily you accept your thoughts as truth. For example, if you think “I’m going to fail this presentation,” examine that thought. Is it a fact? Or is it a prediction based on fear? By questioning the validity of your thoughts, you dismantle their power. Recognize that thoughts are simply mental events, not reflections of reality.
    • Why it works: It exposes the often-unfounded nature of our negative beliefs and allows you to choose how you respond to them.

    3. The “Time-Stop Before Reacting”

    • Action: When faced with a challenging situation, resist the urge to immediately react. Take a deep breath and create a small gap between the stimulus and your response. In that space, ask yourself: “What am I thinking right now?” and “Do I have to react this way?” This pause allows you to make a conscious choice rather than reacting impulsively from a place of fear or anger.
    • Why it works: It prevents you from getting swept away by emotional momentum and allows you to respond with greater clarity and composure.

    “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” is a profound and transformative book. It doesn’t offer quick fixes or easy answers, but it provides a powerful framework for understanding the nature of suffering and reclaiming control of our emotional lives. It’s a reminder that the world isn’t happening to us, it’s happening with us, and that our perception, not our circumstances, ultimately shapes our reality.

  • Stuck in a Rut? ‘The Little Book of Clarity’ Offers a Surprisingly Simple Solution

    Stuck in a Rut? ‘The Little Book of Clarity’ Offers a Surprisingly Simple Solution

    Do you ever feel like you’re running on a treadmill, constantly busy but not actually getting anywhere? Like you’re striving for goals that don’t truly resonate, or trapped in a cycle of self-doubt? You’re not alone. In a world that glorifies ‘hustle,’ it’s easy to lose touch with what really matters.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Jamie Smart, a former therapist and clarity coach, offers a refreshing alternative in his book, The Little Book of Clarity. This isn’t another self-help book filled with empty affirmations. Smart presents a surprisingly simple, yet profoundly effective, framework for breaking free from the ‘busy being’ and reconnecting with your authentic self. The Little Book of Clarity offers a path to a more fulfilling life, not through doing more, but through being more.

    The core problem: The ‘busy being’ vs. the ‘real you’

    Smart argues that we often identify with our activities – our jobs, our roles, our to-do lists. We become a ‘busy being’ – defined by what we do rather than who we are. This leads to a constant need for external validation and a feeling of emptiness, even when we achieve our goals.

    The problem isn’t that we’re not doing enough; it’s that we’re disconnected from our core desires and authentic selves. We’re chasing things that should make us happy, instead of tuning into what actually does. I’d call it the productivity trap and felt victim to that multiple times.

    According to the author, the state of clarity is based on three pillars:

    Uncover Your Core Desire: The first step to clarity is identifying what truly motivates you. Not what you think should motivate you, or what your parents or society expects, but what genuinely excites and energizes you. Smart guides you through a process of self-discovery, helping you to peel back the layers of conditioning and uncover your deepest desires. This isn’t about finding a ‘passion’ – it’s about recognizing the underlying feeling that drives you.

    Recognize Your Limiting Beliefs: Once you’re aware of your core desire, the next step is to identify the beliefs that are holding you back. These might be negative thoughts and self-limiting assumptions that sabotage your efforts. Smart provides practical tools for challenging these beliefs and replacing them with more empowering ones. He emphasizes that beliefs aren’t facts – they’re simply stories we tell ourselves. Sounds familiar for all of us who read the book “Biology of Believe“.

    The Power of Non-Doing (and Allowing): This is where The Little Book of Clarity truly stands out. Smart introduces the concept of ‘non-doing’ – letting go of the need to control everything and allowing things to unfold naturally. This isn’t about being passive; it’s about trusting that you already have everything you need within you. It’s about creating space for inspiration and allowing your core desire to manifest without force. Also here, the idea of being vs doing isn’t new. Think of the concept of flow described by Csíkszentmihályi.

    Habits to apply the framework

    These aren’t about adding more to your to-do list. They’re about subtly shifting your awareness and interrupting old patterns.

    1. Notice the “stories” you are telling yourself

    Action: Throughout the day, actively listen to the narratives running through your head. What are you telling yourself about your situation, other people, and yourself? Write them down if it helps.

    Why It Works: We often operate on autopilot, believing our thoughts are facts. Noticing your “stories” creates distance. It allows you to see them as interpretations rather than reality. This is the first step in breaking free from limiting beliefs and reactive patterns. It’s like realizing you’re watching a movie – you’re not in the movie.

    2. Mind the “Gap”

    Action: Pay attention to the difference between what is happening and your interpretation of it. For example, a colleague doesn’t respond to your email. The fact is they haven’t replied. The gap is your story about why – “They’re ignoring me,” “They think I’m incompetent,” etc.

    Why It Works: The “gap” is where suffering is created. It’s the space between reality and your judgment of it. By recognizing this gap, you can choose to focus on the facts rather than getting caught up in your interpretations. This reduces emotional reactivity and allows you to respond more skillfully.

    3. “Three Deep Breaths” – Interrupt the Pattern

    Action: When you notice yourself getting caught up in a negative thought spiral or emotional reaction, pause and take three slow, deep breaths. Focus solely on the sensation of your breath.

    Why It Works: Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the “rest and digest” response. This counteracts the fight-or-flight response triggered by stress and anxiety. It creates a momentary pause, disrupting the automatic pattern and giving you space to choose a different response. It’s a simple but powerful reset button.

    4. “What’s Possible Now?” – Shift Your Focus

    Action: Instead of dwelling on problems or past mistakes, ask yourself, “What’s possible now?” Focus on the next small step you can take, even if it seems insignificant.

    Why It Works: This question shifts your attention from what’s wrong to what’s available. It activates a sense of agency and possibility, breaking you out of a victim mentality. It’s about moving from being stuck in the past to creating a future you desire.

    Conclusion

    This book is perfect for anyone feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected from their true selves.The Little Book of Clarity isn’t about fixing yourself; it’s about remembering who you already are. By uncovering your core desire, challenging your limiting beliefs, and embracing the power of non-doing, you can unlock your potential and create a life filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment. If you’re ready to break free from the ‘busy being’ and reconnect with your authentic self, I highly recommend giving this book a read.

  • How Systems Thinking Can Unlock Lasting Personal Growth

    How Systems Thinking Can Unlock Lasting Personal Growth

    We’ve all been there: fired up with New Year’s resolutions, ambitious goals, and a surge of motivation… only to find ourselves backsliding within weeks. Why does personal growth feel so hard? The problem isn’t a lack of desire, but a flawed approach. We often focus on what we want to achieve, neglecting how we’ll actually get there.

    What you’ll find inside:

    What if I told you the key to lasting change isn’t willpower, but systems? Inspired by the groundbreaking work of Donella H. Meadows in “Thinking in Systems: A Primer”, this post explores how understanding systems thinking can revolutionize your approach to personal growth. We’ll dive into why traditional goal-setting often fails, and how intentionally designing the structure of your life – with consistent habits, feedback loops, and minimized friction – can unlock a self-sustaining engine of progress.

    What is a System anyway? (and why you should care!)

    We hear the word “system” everywhere. Political systems, economic systems, healthcare systems and even your morning routine is a system. But what actually is one?

    A system is more than just a collection of parts. It’s about how those parts interact. Meadows argues that a system is:

    “An interconnected set of structures that are organized in a way that produces a specific type of behavior.”

    Let’s break that down. It’s not just things (structure), it’s the relationships between them. Think of a simple thermostat system:

    • Structure: Thermostat, Heating, Room Temperature, You (setting the thermostat)
    • Relationships: The thermostat measures the room temperature. If it’s below your set point, it signals the heating to turn on. The heating heats up the room, raising the temperature. When the temperature reaches the set point, the thermostat signals the heating to turn off.

    “Once we see the relationship between structure and behavior, we can begin to understand how systems work, what makes them produce poor results, and how to shift them into better behavior patterns“

    – Donella H. Meadows

    Key characteristics of systems, according to Meadows:

    • Stocks & Flows: Imagine a bathtub. The water in the tub is the stock – it’s accumulated over time. The water flowing in and out are the flows. Stocks represent accumulations (like population, carbon in the atmosphere, money in a bank account), and flows change those accumulations.
    • Feedback Loops: As mentioned above, these loops can be reinforcing (amplifying a change – like compound interest) or balancing (stabilizing a system – like the thermostat).
    • Delays: Things don’t happen instantly. There’s often a delay between a cause and its effect. This can make it hard to understand what’s driving a system’s behavior.
    • Non-linearity: Small changes can sometimes have huge effects, and vice versa. Systems aren’t always predictable!

    Another interesting characteristic of systems is that to a large extent it causes its own behavior. An outside event may trigger that behavior, but the same outside event is likely to produce a different result for a different system. Sounds familiar?

    Beyond Motivation: Why Systems are the Key to Lasting Personal Growth

    We often approach personal growth with a focus on setting ambitious goals and summoning the willpower to achieve them. While intention is important, this approach may lead to frustration and a return to old patterns. The problem isn’t a lack of motivation; it’s a misunderstanding of how change actually happens. This is where the principles of systems thinking offers a powerful alternative.

    Meadows emphasizes that the behavior of any system – be it an ecological environment, a business, or you – is determined not by isolated events, but by its underlying structure. This structure comprises the elements within the system, the relationships between those elements, and the feedback loops that govern their interactions. Applying this to personal growth means recognizing that lasting change isn’t about sheer force of will, but about intentionally designing the structure of your life to support the behaviors you desire.

    Think of it like this: you can try to eat healthier by relying on willpower each time you face a food choice. Or, you can design a system where healthy food is readily available, unhealthy options are minimized, and meal preparation is streamlined. This shifts the burden from conscious effort to environmental design.

    Here’s how a systems-based approach to personal growth manifests:

    • Identifying Key Variables: What areas of your life do you want to improve? (e.g., fitness, learning, creativity). These are your key “stocks” – the accumulated results you’re aiming for.
    • Designing “Flows”: What consistent actions (habits, routines) will contribute to those stocks? These are the “flows” that influence your progress. Examples: daily exercise, reading for 30 minutes, journaling.
    • Creating Feedback Loops: How will you track your progress and adjust your approach? This could involve journaling, using habit-tracking apps, or seeking feedback from others. Positive feedback reinforces desired behaviors, while negative feedback signals the need for adjustments.
    • Minimizing Friction: What obstacles prevent you from taking those actions? How can you remove or reduce those barriers? This is about making the desired behaviors as easy and convenient as possible.
    • Leveraging Delays: Recognizing that many systems exhibit delays between action and result. This means being patient and consistent, even when you don’t see immediate progress.

    By focusing on structure rather than willpower, you create a self-reinforcing cycle of growth. Small, consistent actions accumulate over time, leading to significant results. This isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about building a system that supports continuous improvement, even in the face of setbacks. It’s about shifting from a fragile reliance on motivation to a robust, self-sustaining engine of personal growth, all rooted in the principles of systems thinking.

    Further readings

  • Deep Work – more than productivity hack

    Deep Work – more than productivity hack

    For months, “Deep Work” by Cal Newport popped up in my social media feeds as a productivity bible, a game-changer for focus, and the key to thriving in a distracted world. Honestly, I was starting to wonder what all the hype was about!

    In a culture obsessed with “busy,” and where simply appearing productive often takes precedence, I decided to finally pick up a copy and see if Newport’s arguments held water. Because let’s be real, in a world that rewards hustle, it’s easy to fall into the trap of prioritizing quantity of work over quality.

    What you’ll find inside:

    This book promises a path to doing the opposite – to produce truly meaningful work, and to do it with intention. In this blogpost, I’ll share what resonated with me, and ultimately, tell you whether or not this book lives up to its reputation.

    Is Your Work Valuable? (And Why It Might Not Be)

    Ever feel like you’re busy all day, but haven’t actually accomplished anything truly meaningful? You’re not alone. Cal Newport argues that we’re rapidly entering an economy where the ability to perform “deep work” – focused, distraction-free concentration that pushes your cognitive capabilities to their limit – is becoming increasingly valuable, and frankly, rare.

    He posits that routine cognitive tasks are increasingly being automated. And we see this already today, that certain tasks are being fulfilled by AI. With the rise of Agentic AI, this trend might get even more traction. This means being ‘busy’ isn’t enough nor “shallow work” is something we can expect to be paid for in future.

    In essence, deep work isn’t just a productivity hack; it’s a skill. The ability to deeply focus, to wrestle with complex problems without distraction, is becoming the most valuable skill you can possess.

    Deep work isn’t about working more; it’s about working differently. It’s about reclaiming your attention and intentionally cultivating the ability to focus intensely. If you’re feeling increasingly overwhelmed and unfulfilled in your work, or worried about the future of your career, understanding the principles of deep work might just be the key to not only surviving, but thriving in the years to come.

    Beyond the Hype: Where “Deep Work” Feels Shallow

    While Newport paints a compelling picture of a future demanding “deep work,” it’s easy to fall into the narrative of seeing it as a revolutionary prophecy rather than a nuanced observation.

    The AI Revolution: Prophecy or Premature Celebration? This book has a compelling case for the rising value of “deep work” in an age of automation, predicting a future where those who can think critically will thrive. But let’s be honest: the “AI revolution” has been perpetually “just around the corner” for decades. While AI is undoubtedly advancing, the claim that it will fundamentally reshape the economy and create a clear divide between “deep” and “shallow” workers feels optimistic, to say the least. It’s a compelling narrative, certainly, but one built on a lot of “what ifs” and a somewhat selective reading of technological history. Maybe shallow work will just move along as we do into new jobs and functions.

    Distraction Isn’t the Problem – Our Brains Are.

    The book frames the struggle for focus as a modern affliction, exacerbated by smartphones and social media. But this feels like treating a symptom, not the disease. The real issue isn’t the increase of distraction, but the decades-long conditioning of our brains to crave instant gratification. From sugary cereals marketed to children to the endless scroll of social media feeds, our environment has systematically trained us to seek dopamine hits, eroding our capacity for sustained attention. We’ve become addicted to novelty.

    The Lost Art of Deep Thinking: A Matter of Neuroplasticity.

    This conditioning isn’t just a matter of willpower; it’s a neurological reality. Our brains are remarkably plastic, meaning they adapt to the stimuli they receive. Years of constant stimulation and instant gratification have literally rewired our brains, making it harder to focus, concentrate, and engage in deep, complex thought. It’s not that we can’t focus; it’s that our brains have been trained not to. The challenge isn’t simply eliminating distractions; it’s actively retraining our brains to resist them. While eliminating distractions is a good start, I hoped to learn more about what we can do to revert this conditioning.

    Habits derived from “Deep Work”

    The following are three habits, I derived from this book.

    Habit: 15-Minute Drift

    Every day, at a set time (e.g., after lunch, before dinner), I dedicate 15 minutes to intentional doing nothing. I sit comfortably, close my eyes (or gaze softly out a window), and simply allow my thoughts to wander. No phone, no book, no music – just quiet observation of whatever arises.

    Why it Works: This isn’t laziness; it’s cognitive rest. Our brains aren’t designed for constant, focused attention. This “drift” time allows the Default Mode Network (DMN) to activate. The DMN is responsible for creativity, problem-solving, and consolidating memories. By letting your mind wander, you’re essentially letting your unconscious mind process information and recharge, leading to improved focus and deeper work when you do concentrate. It’s like defragging a computer.

    Shot-down ritual to have peace in mind of today’s work assignments, but plan for the next day. Especially relevant for home office work!

    Habit: Daily Closure

    At the end of my workday, spend 5-10 minutes to recap all loose ends. I review my completed tasks, quickly note any unfinished items, and specifically write down the 1-3 most important things I need to tackle first tomorrow.

    Why it Works: This ritual creates psychological closure. It prevents work from bleeding into your personal time, which is especially crucial when your office is in your home. The act of planning the next day reduces anxiety about what needs to be done, and prioritizing those 1-3 tasks ensures you start with the most impactful work.

    Habit: Time Blocking

    Every Sunday evening, I create a detailed schedule for the entire week, blocking out 30-60 minute segment for the most important, high-value tasks (the “payout” tasks) when my energy is highest. I treat these blocks as appointments I can’t break, and I strictly adhere to the schedule, including breaks and buffer time.

    Why it Works: This is a powerful application of Parkinson’s Law (work expands to fill the time available). By timeboxing, you create artificial deadlines that force focus and prevent procrastination. Prioritizing high-value tasks first ensures you make progress on what truly matters, even if unexpected things come up. The detailed schedule reduces decision fatigue (you don’t have to constantly decide what to work on) and promotes a sense of control over your time. It’s about being proactive, not reactive. Over time, you get a feeling on how long these blocks should be. If the task is not finished, don’t extend your block but start with the next task.

    Conclusion

    The fact that this book resonates with the audience underlines the problem that many face with concentrating especially at work. While there are already several productivity and time management practices laid out with concepts like Eisenhower Matrix, GTD or Pomodoro Technique, the most important aspect of this book to understand that distraction is present and you can do something about it.

  • Stop Chasing Happiness: The Secret to Actually Enjoy Life

    Stop Chasing Happiness: The Secret to Actually Enjoy Life

    We’re constantly told to find happiness. To seek it out, chase it, manufacture it. But what if happiness isn’t something you find, but something you experience – a byproduct of being fully engaged in life?

    Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, in his groundbreaking work “Flow – the psychology of optimal experience” argues exactly that. He reveals how our state of consciousness dramatically impacts our quality of life, and introduces the concept of “flow” – that feeling of complete immersion in an activity where time melts away and satisfaction surges.

    Could learning to cultivate this state of “flow” be the key to not just getting more done, but to living a richer, more fulfilling life? It’s time to stop chasing happiness and start designing experiences that naturally create it.

    I enjoyed this book so much, that I have to apologize for this more in depth blog post.

    What you’ll find inside:

    What the heck is “flow”?

    Engaging in a captivating conversation with a friend often creates a flow experience, as ideas flow effortlessly and we become completely present with each other. During these moments, we lose track of time, fully immersed in the reciprocal exchange and building of understanding, feeling energized and deeply connected.

    Flow represents an intense focus on an activity that leads to a loss of self-consciousness and a feeling of great satisfaction. It’s akin to being in ‘the zone,’ where time seems to fly by, and you’re fully immersed in what you are doing.

    Mihály describes flow as the mental state that people often experience during activities that they find intrinsically rewarding. This combination leaves us with a impression of being self-fulfilled and happy.

    How to “go with the flow”

    Reaching a state of flow isn’t random; it requires certain conditions and an understanding of one’s own motivations and abilities. The interesting aspect is, that to some extent any given task can be transformed into a “flow” state.

    Mihály identifies several factors necessary for entering this optimal experience:

    Balance between challenge and skill

    One of the most crucial elements of achieving flow is finding a balance between the challenge of a task and your skill level. If a task is too easy, you become bored; if it is too difficult, you may feel overwhelmed. The sweet spot is similar to goal setting – you have to have 80% confidence in reaching the goal but leave a bit of “unknown” to make it challenging.

    Immediate Feedback

    Feedback during a “flow” state informs you whether or not you’re succeeding. It has to allow Rea-time assessment to stay in the present moment and in sync with your goals in order to progressing with the activity.

    Deep Involvement

    “Flow” requires full immersion in an activity. The sense of being deeply involved is characterized by the aforementioned concentration and a merging of action and awareness. When you are entirely absorbed, you are more likely to experience flow.

    The effect of a “flow” on your self

    Entering a state of “flow”, is more than just a means to achieve optimal performance or enjoyment; it’s an experience that has profound effects on the self. When you find yourself in flow, where your mind and body are fully engaged in what you’re doing, you don’t just accomplish tasks with heightened efficiency – you also undergo significant personal development.

    One of the remarkable outcomes of experiencing flow is the differentiation of the self. As we engage deeply with challenges and successfully navigate them, our sense of capability expands. Overcoming a challenge not only leaves us feeling more skilled but also enhances our understanding of who we are and what we can achieve.

    Flow experiences compel us to push beyond our perceived limitations, confronting tasks that stretch our abilities without exceeding them entirely. As we rise to meet these challenges, we gather evidence of our capabilities, which contributes to a richer sense of self. Each successful flow state is an opportunity for growth.

    This differentiation isn’t just about acquiring new skills; it’s also about refining them. The more we practice in the presence of clear goals and immediate feedback, the better we become at those activities, which further differentiates and develops our sense of self.

    Flow Integrates the Self

    In addition to enhancing our sense of differentiation, flow is instrumental in integrating the self. During a flow state, consciousness operates with exceptional clarity and orderliness. This profound level of focus aligns our thoughts, intentions, feelings, and senses toward a single goal. Everything converges harmoniously, which facilitates not just an efficient performance but also a unified experience!

    When we are fully immersed in an activity, there’s no room for internal conflict or distraction. Our cognitive processes synchronize with our actions, creating a seamless interaction between mind and body. This integration fosters a sense of wholeness—an alignment of all aspects of the self that contributes to a more coherent identity.

    By consistently experiencing flow, we train ourselves to enter this state of well-ordered consciousness more readily. Over time, this can lead to a general improvement in our ability to focus and integrate various elements of our lives, resulting in greater personal harmony.

    „Flow helps to integrate the self because in that state of deep concentration consciousness is unusually well ordered.“

    Source: Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s “Flow”

    The aftermath of a flow experience often leaves individuals feeling more connected—not only internally but also with others and the world around them. When thoughts, intentions, feelings, and senses are harmonized toward a common objective during flow, this unity spills over into other areas of life once the activity concludes.

    Does the “Flow” state have any side effects?

    What if your goals aren’t truly your own, or if you set them so easily that they stifle personal growth? Perhaps you’re pursuing goals that lack real meaning, simply to feel a temporary sense of accomplishment.

    This implies that with the wrong boundaries you can flow as much as you want but still stall or drift into the wrong direction. This depends on the information that keeps coming into awareness is congruent with your goals. If the information is reinforcing your goals you will experience flow.

    I am not certain yet if this is a good or a bad thing. Due to lack of better knowledge I stick to my explanation in the Goals are for losers post. As long as the net sum of energy you invested vs. gained out of your flow activity is positive, it is a good thing to continue.

    Maybe there is another book that has the answer.

    Habits to cultivate “flow”

    As mentioned earlier with a bit of practice, flow state can be achieved with by intention. The following habits might be of help.

    Practice focused attention:

    Action: Schedule dedicated blocks of time (e.g., 25-minute Pomodoro sessions) for uninterrupted work on a single task. Consciously redirect your attention back to the task whenever your mind wanders.

    Why it works:  Flow isn’t something that just happens; it requires practice. Training your ability to focus and resist distractions strengthens the neural pathways needed to enter and sustain a flow state.

    Challenge Yourself (but not too much):

    Action: Before starting any activity, define specific, manageable objectives. Break down larger tasks into smaller, actionable steps. Choose activities where the challenge matches your abilities – not so easy you’re bored, but not so difficult you’re overwhelmed. Regularly push your skills slightly beyond your current comfort zone.

    Why it works: Flow arises when skill and challenge are balanced. A moderate level of difficulty keeps you engaged and motivated, requiring focused effort without inducing anxiety or frustration. Clear goals provide direction and a sense of purpose, allowing you to focus your attention and measure progress.

    Conclusion

    What makes “Flow” particularly fascinating is its grounding in scientific research and psychological principles, providing a more empirical perspective compared to Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now,” which leans towards spirituality. While both books share themes about living in the present moment, Csíkszentmihályi offers insights that are deeply rooted in observable phenomena, making it an excellent read for those interested in how our minds work and how we can optimize our mental states for a better life.

  • Secrets of Longevity: Transforming Aging into Empowerment

    Secrets of Longevity: Transforming Aging into Empowerment

    My son asked me today, if we all have to die. The answer is yes. But he at least demanded that we life until 100, so we can be longer together. This inspired me to read Outlive by Peter Attia to get clarity of what most of us struggle when getting older and understand what to do about it.

    What you’ll find inside:

    According to Attia, longevity has two components. The first is your chronological lifespan – the hope of my son to spend as much time together as possible. The second component is called health span the quality of your life which he defines as free from “disability and disease”. All action you take to improve the health span will result in longer lifespan.

    Spoiler alert: eat healthy, exercise and sleep well is what impacts both. But how to do this is not so simple answer for each individual. The right tactic to approach is trying to improve the overall health aspects as well as individual measures depending on your life situation. The book will not reveal what exactly to do, but you will learn how to think about these things. It explains the system holistically, so you can adjust what might work for you to “outlive”.

    The Four Horsemen of chronic disease

    In his speech for … Steve Jobs inspired us with the quote “life you live as it was the last day”. This does not mean to go wild, but rather to make yourself aware of what is really important for you right now and also to think if you would spend your time on it, if you’d know that this is the last 24h you have.

    Attia calls out the four horsemen of death chronic disease that might challenge your quality of life.

    • Cancer: F*ck cancer! I bet you also lost someone to that.
    • Neurogenerative disease leading to performance decrease of your brain like Alzheimer.
    • Atherosclerotic disease affecting your blood flow causing heart attack or brain stroke.
    • Diabetes: disfunction of how your body handles Insulin. Causing fat liver etc.

    Today’s medicine has answers for all of these diseases. There are pills, surgeries or therapy that might get you out of trouble for some time. Due to technological advancements this will improve in future even more. Still today’s medicine is not there to address the nuances involved when treatment is applied, impacting our unique mix of symptoms and risk factors.

    “Risk is not something to be avoided at all costs; rather, it’s something we need to understand, analyze and work with”

    – Peter Attia MD, Outlive: The science and Art of Longevity

    This fall in line the what I mentioned in my post about risks, that every single thing we do in life is based on some calculation of risk versus reward.

    That is why Attia states, that at the level of the individual patient, we should be willing to ask deeper questions of risk versus reward versus cost for any therapy. You must be certain about your goals well informed and understand the true nature of these risks.

    Eat, Exercise and Sleep as health factors

    It is no surprise that Attia dwells into the topics of nutrition, exercise and quality of sleep as factors to improve your health. On the other hand he clearly states, that there is no silver bullet that fits all of us. It is rather to seek tactics that are likeliest, based on what we know now, to deliver a better-than-average return for our health span.

    Attia proposes that with some unorthodox but very reasonable lifestyle changes, you can minimize the most serious threats to your lifespan and health span and achieve your own measure of longevity alpha

    If you exercising consistently you might secure an increased mobility at high age. This on the other hand exposes you to the risk of injuries, that might decrease your chances of mobility in future.

    The same is true for what and how you eat. Calorie reduction diets or time restrictions for calorie intake might lead to weight loss. On the other hand you might miss the chance to provide your body with the nutrients required to renew cells etc. Attia calls that you might fall short on proteins with some diets.

    If you are one of them who believes that sleep is a waste of time, think twice. Evolution would have already found a way to get rid of sleep, wouldn’t this be helpful of our system. Not only your body is recovering from dem strapazen of the day, but also your brain will sink in all the information you collected. Consistent good quality of sleep is the baseline for emotional health.

    Emotional Health

    Diving into the topic of emotional health is worth another post. So spare with me, if you are here for further details. But to get you started with this topic, I’d like to leave you with the following:

    The emotional state might be the least factor you’d associate with longevity. Thinking about living beyond your 80s, life can be lonely. Not all your friends will follow your lead in consistently challenging yourself on your eating, exercising or sleeping habits to achieve longevity. You might truly outlive them – then what?

    Behind the facade of a best nutrient, exercised and out slept person in the world you might end up as an emotional douchbag constantly fighting over things you feel attached to.

    You might want to dwell into the science of belief or “The power of Now” by Eckart Tolle for further inspiration about emotional health.

    Derived habits from “Outlive”

    As summary on strategies and habits that promote longevity and enhance overall well-being, here are my three habits:

    1. Regular Physical Activity:

    • Action: Engage in a combination of aerobic exercise, strength training, and flexibility workouts throughout the week. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous activity, along with strength exercises twice a week.
    • How it Helps: Regular physical activity improves cardiovascular health, enhances muscle strength, and boosts metabolic function. It plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy weight, reducing the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes, and improving mental health by reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

    2. Nutritional Excellence:

    • Action: Follow a balanced, nutrient-dense diet that emphasizes whole foods such as vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats. Limit the intake of processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats.
    • How it Helps: A nutritious diet fuels the body with essential vitamins and minerals, supports immune function, and reduces inflammation. It also helps maintain optimal body weight and reduces the risk of chronic illnesses, thereby contributing to longevity and improved quality of life.

    3. Prioritize Sleep:

    • Action: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep per night by establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a restful environment, and minimizing exposure to screens and blue light before bed.
    • How it Helps: Adequate sleep is critical for cognitive function, emotional regulation, and physical health. It allows for cellular repair, supports brain function, and reduces the risk of conditions such as obesity, heart disease, and mental health disorders. Prioritizing sleep is essential for recovery and longevity.

    The more I learn about life, the more I realize it is truly a miracle. Life is like a gift that deserves to be opened with intention and care.