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Category: Personal Growth

  • Introverts Guide to Excel in a Collaborative Work Culture

    Introverts Guide to Excel in a Collaborative Work Culture

    Collaborative work cultures are all the rage. Open-plan offices, constant team meetings, brainstorming sessions… it’s a world designed for connection and rapid idea generation. But what if, for you, all this constant interaction feels… draining? If you’re an introvert, you’re likely familiar with this feeling. Often, these cultures prioritize extroverted behaviors – quick thinking, vocal participation, and constant networking – leading many introverts to feel like they have to change to fit in.

    What you’ll find inside:

    I know this feeling intimately. From a young age, I’ve naturally gravitated toward solitude. It’s not that I dislike people; it’s simply that I don’t need external stimulation to feel energized. In fact, too much of it can leave me feeling overwhelmed and depleted. It distracts me from the deep focus that allows me to do my best work.

    But here’s the crucial point: introversion isn’t a weakness. It’s a different way of processing information, gaining energy, and contributing to a team. Introverts bring unique strengths – deep thinking, active listening, thoughtful analysis, and focused execution. And you absolutely can thrive in a collaborative workplace without sacrificing your energy or authenticity. Let me share what i works for me to navigate collaboration while staying true to myself.

    Understanding Your Introverted Needs

    The core difference between introverts and extroverts isn’t shyness or sociability. It’s where you get your energy. Extroverts are energized by social interaction; being around people fills them up. Introverts, on the other hand, recharge through solitude. Social interaction expends energy, even if it’s enjoyable. Think of it like a battery: extroverts recharge during interaction, while introverts need quiet time to recharge after interaction.

    Understanding this fundamental difference is key to identifying your personal triggers in a collaborative setting. What specifically drains your energy? Here are a few common culprits from my professional live:

    • Excessive meetings: Back-to-back meetings leave little time for focused work or quiet reflection.
    • Constant interruptions: Being frequently interrupted breaks my concentration and makes it difficult to regain momentum.
    • Large group brainstorming without preparation time: Being put on the spot in a large group can be overwhelming and stifling for someone who prefers to process ideas internally first.
    • “Popcorn” style idea sharing: Rapid-fire brainstorming, where ideas are thrown out quickly without much thought, can feel chaotic and unproductive.

    Self-awareness is paramount. What level of social interaction feels comfortable for you? How much downtime do you need to recharge? What situations leave you feeling depleted? It’s okay to not always be “on” and actively participating. Authenticity is far more valuable than trying to conform to a mold that doesn’t fit.

    Setting Boundaries – Protecting Your Energy

    Protecting your energy isn’t selfish; it’s essential for sustained performance and well-being. Here’s how to establish healthy boundaries in a collaborative environment:

    • Schedule “Recharge Time”: Treat quiet focus time like an important meeting – block it off in your calendar and resist the urge to reschedule. This could be 30 minutes first thing in the morning, an hour after lunch, or whatever works best for you. I figured that reading 20 minutes after lunch is what distracts me from work related topics and highly boosts my ability to focus again.
    • Meeting Management:
      • Pre-Meeting Prep: Review the agenda beforehand to formulate your thoughts and prepare contributions. In case there is none, request it!
      • Selective Participation: You don’t need to contribute to every discussion. Choose moments where your input is truly valuable.
      • Politely Decline: It’s okay to decline meetings that aren’t essential for you. Try phrasing like: “Thank you for including me. I’m currently focused on X, and I don’t think my input is crucial for this particular meeting.”
    • Manage Interruptions:
      • Office Hours: If feasible, designate specific times for open communication via open doors in the office or “escape” into home office.
      • Visual Cues: Headphones or a “Do Not Disturb” sign can signal your need for focused work.
      • Email/Slack Boundaries: Don’t feel obligated to respond immediately to every message. Set expectations for response times. You may want to set a respective status as with NoHello.
    • Communicate Your Needs: Respectfully let colleagues know when you need some quiet time to process. A simple “I need a bit of focused time to think this through” can go a long way and also demonstrated, that you take the topic serious.

    Communicating Effectively as an Introvert

    While introverts may not always be the loudest voices in the room, they often excel at communication in other ways.

    • The Power of Written Communication: Introverts often thrive in writing. Utilize email and Slack to deliver thoughtful responses, proposals, and feedback. This allows you to carefully craft your message and avoid feeling put on the spot.
    • One-on-One Conversations: Introverts often flourish in deeper, one-on-one connections. Initiate these conversations to build relationships and foster understanding. People will get to know you better and understand, that you care about the topic despite being bit more silent in lager groups.
    • Preparing for Group Discussions:
      • Jot Down Key Points: Writing down your thoughts beforehand can help you articulate them with clarity and confidence.
      • Practice Your “Elevator Pitch”: For quick contributions, rehearse concise statements. This might work for some. But don’t let practicing stress you out.
    • The “Pause” is Your Friend: It’s okay to take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. Don’t feel pressured to fill silence.

    Leveraging Introverted Strengths in Collaboration

    Introverts bring a unique and valuable skillset to collaborative environments. I build my career upon these strenghts and ultimately when it comes to collaboration a mix of those in a team are required.

    • Deep Listening: You’re likely an excellent listener, capable of truly understanding different perspectives. Use this to connect people by explaining what you understood and try to find common ground – especially if the others can’t stop arguing.
    • Thoughtful Problem Solving: You excel at analyzing information and offering well-considered solutions.
    • Detail Orientation: You often notice details others miss, leading to higher-quality work.
    • Written Documentation: You’re skilled at creating clear documentation to improve team understanding.
    • The “Second Opinion” Value: Position yourself as a reliable source for providing a thoughtful, balanced perspective after initial brainstorming.

    👉 Also read: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    Conclusion

    You can thrive in a collaborative workplace without compromising who you are. Embrace your introversion, leverage your strengths, and establish boundaries that protect your energy. Don’t strive to change who you are, but rather learn how to work as you are.

    The stories you tell yourself and what you belief in matters. Start by implementing one or two strategies from this post. Perhaps schedule some dedicated recharge time in your calendar this week. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. You don’t need to change who you are to thrive – you just need to learn how to work as you are.

    With this I leave you with Susan Cains TED talk about “The power of introverts”

  • Silence the Doubters: How to handle “You Can’t”

    Silence the Doubters: How to handle “You Can’t”

    We’ve all been there. The well-meaning, or sometimes not-so-well-meaning, voices that consistently whisper, or even shout, “You can’t do that.” Whether it’s a family member, a colleague, or even a stranger, these pronouncements can be incredibly discouraging.

    The most significant obstacle to your success isn’t the difficulty of the task itself, but rather the negativity of others … well and sometimes also yourself.

    What you’ll find inside:

    A disclaimer (and a cucial point): this isn’t about ignoring sensible warnings or engaging in reckless behavior. Obviously, don’t rob a bank. This post isn’t a celebration of stubbornness or disregard for practicality. This blog post focuses on navigating the constant negativity of naysayers, particularly when you feel trapped in a situation where you can’t easily avoid them.

    The Baseline: Don’t Listen. (Really.)

    The core principle here is simple, but surprisingly difficult to implement: don’t listen to the “you can’ts.” More often than not, those pronouncements stem from the other person’s limited perspective, not from an objective assessment of your capabilities. They’re projecting their own fears, insecurities, and limitations onto you.

    Think about it. Someone telling you “you can’t just learn coding and start a SaaS Start-Up” might be speaking from their own fear of failure or a lack of experience in the tech-world. They may see all the potential difficulties – the cost, the work, the competition – and assume you’re incapable of overcoming them. But what they don’t see is your passion, your resourcefulness, your willingness to learn, and your unique vision.

    Also read: “Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory“

    Why Do They Say “You Can’t”?

    There are several underlying reasons why people feel the need to shut down your ideas with a blanket “you can’t.”

    • Lack of Imagination: Some people simply lack the ability to envision possibilities beyond their own experience. If they haven’t done it, it must be impossible. It’s a failure of imagination, not a judgment of your potential.
    • Projected Limiting Beliefs: This is a big one. We all carry around limiting beliefs – things we believe to be true about ourselves and the world that hold us back. When someone sees you attempting something outside their comfort zone, it can trigger their own insecurities. They subconsciously project their limitations onto you, telling you that you can’t do it because they can’t.
    • Fear of Your Success: This can be subtle, but it’s real. Your ambition and willingness to take risks might make others uncomfortable. They may fear that your success will highlight their own lack of action or courage.
    • Genuine (But Misguided) Concern: Sometimes, people think they’re protecting you from disappointment or failure. They may genuinely believe they’re offering helpful advice, but their message comes across as discouraging.

    The Self-Assessment: Are You Ready to Believe in Yourself?

    Before dismissing all naysayers entirely, it’s crucial to do a little self-assessment. Ask yourself these questions:

    • Would I be enthusiastic to tell my friends and family about it? (But don’t tell them yet!) This gauges your internal passion. If the thought energizes you, it’s a good sign. Also checks on your moral compass of what you are about to do is in the realm of your “tribe”.
    • Am I capable of imagining how I have accomplished it? Can you visualize success? Can you mentally walk through the steps? This demonstrates a degree of feasibility in your own mind. If you can almost feel what you are about to imagine, then you are on the right track.
    • Am I capable of learning it? Is the skill or knowledge required within your reach? Are you willing to invest the time and effort to acquire it? Do you know, what you don’t know?
    • Am I capable of putting into action what I learned? Do you have the discipline and motivation to translate knowledge into action? Also here, are you willing to invest the time?

    If you answer “yes” to all these questions, then the only thing left to do is… just do it. Don’t overthink it, don’t seek endless validation, and don’t make a big deal out of it.

    Read also: “Trust your instincts“

    Start taking small steps toward your goal, and let your actions speak for themselves. Once you feel traction and initial sparks of success, start the show and tell tour.

    Three Habits for Coping with the “You Can’t” Crowd

    Okay, so you’ve decided to ignore the negativity and pursue your dreams. But what about dealing with the people who constantly tell you “you can’t”? Here are three practical habits to help you cope:

    1. The “Thank You, Moving On” Technique: When someone tells you “you can’t,” simply say “Thank you for your input,” and then immediately change the subject. This acknowledges their comment without engaging in a debate or allowing it to derail your momentum.
      Why it works: It asserts your boundaries and prevents them from drawing you into a negative conversation. You’re politely but firmly shutting down their attempt to control your narrative.
    2. The “Information Diet” Strategy: Limit your exposure to the negativity. If there’s someone in your life who consistently undermines your goals, reduce the amount of time you spend with them, or avoid discussing your ambitions altogether.
      Why it works: You’re protecting your energy and creating a supportive environment for your dreams to flourish. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and constant negativity will drain your motivation.
    3. The “Reflective Question” Technique: When someone says “You can’t do that,” instead of getting defensive or arguing, respond with a calm, open-ended question. For example, “What makes you say that?” or “Can you help me understand your perspective?”. Read also “the lost art of asking“.
      Why it works: This forces the person to articulate the reason behind their doubt. Often, their reasoning is flimsy or based on assumptions. It also shifts the focus from you to their own perspective, making them examine their own limitations. It doesn’t necessarily change their mind, but it can expose the weakness of their argument.

    Final Thoughts

    The world will always have its share of naysayers and the will cross your path anyways. Don’t let their limitations define you.

    Projecting limiting beliefs is a complex interplay of cognitive biases, emotional defense mechanisms, and neurological processes. It’s rarely about intentionally trying to bring someone down, but rather a reflection of the observer’s own internal world.

    Understanding this can help us to be more empathetic towards those who project negativity, while also strengthening our own resolve to pursue our goals, regardless of what others might believe.

    Remember, the only person who can truly tell you “you can’t” is yourself.

  • The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    We live in an age of self-proclaimed expertise. Social media has amplified voices and created a culture where everyone seems to have an opinion – and feels compelled to share it – instantly. This puts immense pressure on all of us to have the “right” answer at our fingertips, to appear knowledgeable and confident at all times. But the real power doesn’t lie in having the answer, but in knowing how to ask the right questions.

    What you’ll find inside:

    For many, asking questions feels vulnerable and me being sensitive to others am no exception to that. We worry about appearing ignorant, interrupting the flow of conversation, or simply bothering someone. But this reluctance is holding us back. Asking isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a demonstration of intellectual humility, a catalyst for learning, and a surprisingly powerful tool for innovation and understanding.

    This isn’t just about clarifying details or seeking directions. It’s about cultivating a mindset of curiosity, a relentless pursuit of the why behind everything, and a willingness to admit – and even embrace – the fact that we don’t have all the answers.

    Beyond the Surface: The Question Behind the Question

    Think about the last time someone asked you a question. Did they simply accept your initial response, or did they delve a little deeper? A truly insightful questioner doesn’t stop at the surface. They’re interested in the underlying assumptions, the context, and the motivations behind your answer. They’re asking the question behind the question.

    This is where the real magic happens. Let’s say someone asks, “What’s the best way to market my new product?” A basic answer might involve listing different marketing channels. But a genuinely curious questioner would follow up with:

    • “What problem does this product solve?”
    • “Who is your ideal customer?”
    • “What are your biggest concerns about launching this product?”
    • “What have you tried already, and what were the results?”

    These aren’t just follow-up questions; they’re attempts to understand the context of the original question. They reveal the assumptions the person is making, the challenges they’re facing, and the true needs driving their inquiry. By understanding these underlying factors, you can offer far more valuable and tailored advice. John G. Miller wrote a book on this subject called “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life“

    Making Asking a Habit: Embracing “I Don’t Know”

    The biggest obstacle to asking good questions is often internal. We’re afraid of appearing foolish, or we fall into the trap of believing we already know enough. But the truth is, we all have gaps in our knowledge and best lessons are learned through failure. The world is incredibly complex, and no one can possibly know everything.

    The key is to reframe our perception of asking questions. It’s not about admitting ignorance; it’s about acknowledging the limits of our understanding and actively seeking to expand it. Think of it as an investment in your own intellectual growth. Your curiosity might even make you an expert whom people will pay for their advice.

    Make asking questions a habit. Practice it in all aspects of your life, from casual conversations to professional meetings. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not familiar with that – can you explain it to me?” or “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about…?”

    This isn’t just about being polite; it’s about signaling your genuine interest and creating a space for open dialogue. People generally enjoy sharing their knowledge and expertise. When you demonstrate a willingness to learn, you’ll be surprised how readily they’ll offer their insights.

    What Constitutes a “Good” Question? (And Avoiding the Obvious)

    So, what does a good question actually look like? It’s not about complexity or cleverness. It’s about clarity, relevance, and a genuine desire to understand.

    If you’re starting from a place of “knowing nothing” about a topic (which is a great place to start!), here are some general questions that can kickstart a conversation:

    • “Can you explain that to me like I’m five?” This forces the other person to break down complex concepts into simple, understandable terms.
    • “What are the biggest challenges in this area?” This reveals the pain points and obstacles that others are facing.
    • “What assumptions are we making?” This helps to uncover hidden biases and potential blind spots.
    • “What are the different perspectives on this issue?” This encourages a broader understanding and avoids narrow thinking.
    • “What does success look like in this context?” This clarifies the goals and objectives of the conversation.
    • “What are the key trade-offs we need to consider?” This promotes a more nuanced and realistic assessment of the situation.
    • “How does this connect to…?” (complete the sentence with something you do understand). This builds a bridge between the unfamiliar and the familiar.

    Of course, you want to avoid asking questions that are painfully obvious or have already been answered. Asking “What is the capital of France?” in a geography lesson isn’t exactly insightful. Pay attention to the context and demonstrate that you’ve made an effort to understand the basics before diving into more complex inquiries.

    Training Yourself: The Power of Self-Questioning

    Asking questions isn’t just something you do to others; it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and critical thinking. Practice questioning your own assumptions, beliefs, and motivations.

    • “Why do I believe this?”
    • “What evidence supports this claim?”
    • “What are the potential consequences of this decision?”
    • “What am I missing?”

    Regular self-questioning can help you identify your biases, challenge your assumptions, and make more informed decisions. It’s like giving your brain a regular workout, strengthening your ability to think critically and creatively.

    Asking Isn’t a Magic Bullet: Learning from the Answers (and Beyond)

    It’s important to remember that asking questions isn’t a silver bullet. It won’t magically solve all your problems or provide you with all the answers. But it will open doors to new perspectives, deepen your understanding, and empower you to learn and grow.

    The real value lies in listening to the answers you receive, and then using that information to fuel further inquiry. Don’t be afraid to follow the rabbit hole, to explore unexpected connections, and to challenge your own preconceived notions.

    Asking the right questions is a lifelong pursuit. It’s a skill that requires practice, patience, and a genuine curiosity about the world around you. But the rewards are immeasurable. So, embrace the art of asking, and unlock the power of learning, growth, and innovation.

    I leave you with a TED talk by Karen Maeyens about her perspective on why we should ask questions.

  • AI & Journaling: Unlock Deeper Self-Awareness

    AI & Journaling: Unlock Deeper Self-Awareness

    For years, I’ve been a dedicated journaler. All started with a “Dear Diary” kind, but quickly resolved to a question-based approach. I pick a prompt – anything from “What makes me truly alive?” to “What’s a belief I hold that most disagree with?” – and just write. It’s incredibly freeing, but often leaves me with a sprawling mess of thoughts.

    Lately, though, I’ve been experimenting with a new layer to this practice: AI analysis. And the results have been surprisingly profound.

    What you’ll find inside:

    From Stream of Consciousness to Structured Insight

    Let’s be honest, sometimes my journal entries read like a brain dump. Valuable, maybe, but lacking clear structure. That’s where AI comes in. I paste my entries into an AI chatbot (I’ve been experimenting with Gemmini, Grok and Deepseek) and ask it to analyze the post. Specifically, I ask it to summarize the overall impression, identify key themes, and point out any recurring patterns.

    What’s a childhood dream you’ve let go of, and what did that loss teach you about yourself?

    @gabriel.live.24

    The first time I tried it, I was skeptical. Could an algorithm really understand my inner world? But the analysis was eerily accurate. It pulled out nuances I hadn’t consciously recognized, and synthesized my scattered thoughts into a coherent narrative.

    For all interested, I am using a self hosted version, since I am not trusting anyone with my personal data.

    Why This Works: The Power of External Perspective

    We’re notoriously bad at objectively analyzing ourselves. Our brains are wired to confirm existing beliefs and filter out information that challenges them. AI, on the other hand, provides a neutral, external perspective. It doesn’t have emotional baggage or pre-conceived notions. It simply identifies patterns and provides insights based on the data.

    This doesn’t mean the AI is telling me what to think. It’s more like a skilled mirror, reflecting my own thoughts back to me in a new light. It allows me to step outside of my own head and see myself with greater clarity.

    How This Habit is Leading to More Clarity in Life

    Here’s how combining journaling with AI analysis has impacted my life:

    • Deeper Self-Awareness: I’m uncovering hidden beliefs, motivations, and patterns of behavior I wasn’t aware of before.
    • More Coherent Narrative: The AI helps me connect the dots between different entries, creating a more cohesive understanding of my life story.
    • Improved Decision-Making: By identifying my core values and priorities, I’m making more intentional choices that align with my authentic self.
    • Increased Emotional Intelligence: The process of analyzing my own thoughts and feelings is helping me better understand my emotional landscape.
    • A Shift from Reaction to Reflection: I’m moving away from simply reacting to life’s events and towards a more thoughtful, reflective approach.

    Is This Right for You?

    I’m not suggesting that AI should replace traditional journaling. The act of writing itself is incredibly valuable. But if you’re looking for a way to take your journaling practice to the next level, I highly recommend experimenting with AI analysis.

    Here are a few tips to get started:

    • Be specific with your prompts. Instead of just asking the AI to “analyze my entry,” ask it to focus on specific themes or patterns.
    • Don’t blindly accept the AI’s analysis. Use it as a starting point for further reflection.
    • Remember that the AI is just a tool. Ultimately, the insights you gain are your own.

    This isn’t about letting an algorithm define you. It’s about harnessing the power of AI to unlock your own self-understanding and create a more meaningful life. It’s about going beyond the page to truly see yourself.

    Looking for inspiration for new journaling prompts? I share mine on threads @gabriel.live.24

  • Unlock Your Potential by Asking the Right Questions

    Unlock Your Potential by Asking the Right Questions

    In an age of instant information – where answers to almost anything are just a Google search or LLM prompt away – it’s fair to ask: is knowledge really that important anymore? Why commit to a lifetime of learning when information is so readily available? Let’s explore whether the pursuit of knowledge still holds value in a world obsessed with quick answers.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Not knowing is default for everyone

    “Not knowing” is the default state for all of us, and for much of history, simply finding information was the challenge. So why go to school? While the stories of successful dropouts capture headlines, they represent the exception, not the rule.

    Formal education isn’t solely about accumulating facts; it’s about building a foundational understanding of core concepts. More crucially, it’s about learning how to learn – cultivating the skills to independently acquire knowledge, critically evaluate information, and adapt to a changing world. Ideally, education should spark curiosity, igniting a commitment to lifelong learning that extends far beyond the classroom and empowers us to navigate complexity with confidence.

    Applying knowledge matters

    Knowing about something isn’t the same as knowing how to do it. Applying knowledge is about intentional action – taking what you’ve learned and actively using it to solve problems or create something new.

    Consider Pythagoras’ theorem – most of us learned it in school, but how often do we consciously use it in daily life? Perhaps you’re hanging a picture and need to ensure it’s level, or calculating the diagonal length of a new TV to see if it fits in your space. These seemingly small applications demonstrate the power of translating abstract knowledge into practical solutions. It’s in these moments that learning truly comes alive.

    But what happens when you have the knowledge, yet still struggle to apply it – that frustrating gap between understanding and execution? The best course of action isn’t to beat yourself up, but to question the knowledge itself.

    Revisit the fundamentals, ask clarifying questions until you arrive at the same understanding consistently, and then, crucially, ask yourself: ‘What do I need to know to start applying this?’

    Break down the task into smaller, manageable steps, and focus on the specific skills or information you’re lacking. It’s through this iterative process of questioning, refining, and applying that true mastery emerges.

    Learning is to ask the right questions

    True learning isn’t about passively receiving information; it’s about actively seeking it through thoughtful questions. Asking questions isn’t just a sign of curiosity, it’s a demonstration of intellectual humility – acknowledging what you don’t know.

    For many, this takes courage, as exposing gaps in our knowledge can feel vulnerable, a perceived weakness. But this fear is misplaced. Consider the foundation of all scientific discovery – it began with a question.

    Beyond personal growth, questioning is a powerful leadership tool. A well-placed question doesn’t just prompt you to rethink assumptions, it forces those you direct it towards to critically examine their own perspectives.

    So, how do we learn to ask the right questions? That’s a fantastic starting point for any journey of learning.

    Habits to cultivate a curious mind

    Turning questioning into a habit requires conscious effort, but the rewards are significant.

    1. The ‘Five Whys’ – Uncovering Root Causes

    • How to Implement: When you encounter a problem, statement, or situation, start by asking “Why?” After you receive an answer, ask “Why?” again about that answer. Repeat this process five times (or until you reach a fundamental reason).
    • Why it Works: This technique bypasses superficial explanations and forces you to drill down to the core of an issue. Often, the initial answer is a symptom, not the root cause. Each “Why?” peels back a layer, revealing deeper insights and prompting more targeted questions. It’s incredibly effective for problem-solving, process improvement, and understanding complex systems.

    2. Assumption Busting – Challenging Your Beliefs

    • How to Implement: Consciously identify your assumptions about a topic, situation, or person. Then, actively ask yourself, “What if my assumption is wrong?” Explore the implications of that possibility. Consider alternative explanations and perspectives.
    • Why it Works: We all operate with ingrained biases and assumptions. These can blind us to new information and limit our understanding. Challenging these assumptions forces us to think critically, consider different viewpoints, and avoid making hasty judgments.

    3. The Beginner’s Mind – Embracing Curiosity

    • How to Implement: Approach every situation as if you know nothing about it. Ask basic, seemingly obvious questions – “What is this?”, “How does it work?”, “What are the fundamental principles at play?”. Resist the urge to rely on pre-existing knowledge or make quick assumptions.
    • Why it Works: When we think we already know something, we stop truly seeing it. The beginner’s mind cultivates a state of open-mindedness and curiosity, allowing us to absorb new information and identify gaps in our understanding. It prevents us from falling into the trap of confirmation bias to seeking out information that confirms our existing beliefs.

    By consistently practicing these habits, you’ll not only improve your ability to ask better questions but also cultivate a more curious, open-minded, and insightful approach to learning and problem-solving. It does not take much, to stand out of the crowed.

    For all the book worms, I recommend reading “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life” by John G. Miller.

  • The Power of connection: Friendship first

    The Power of connection: Friendship first

    You mentioned last night feeling like you don’t have a true friend, and it resonated with me. I often felt profoundly alone during my younger years, so I wanted to share my perspective.

    What you’ll find inside:

    It’s a strange paradox, isn’t it? To be surrounded by people – acquaintances, colleagues, even romantic partners – and still feel utterly alone. I think, especially at your age, there’s a pressure to “have it all”; success, social life, a perfect image. This can inadvertently create barriers to genuine connection.

    Why having friends anyway

    People are social creatures. We have a long history of living togWe’re social creatures, hardwired for connection. For millennia, living in groups meant a higher chance of survival. Today, in a world where information is at our fingertips, it’s tempting to become self-sufficient. We can learn anything, solve any problem, often without asking for help. And that drive for independence is valuable – it fosters growth.

    But let’s be real: nothing great has ever been achieved by a single person. And the same applies to you. Your musical inspiration comes from the artists who came before you. Even sending a simple WhatsApp message relies on the knowledge passed down through generations and someone teaching you how to read and write.

    Friends are the people who inspire us to try new things, encourage us when we’re doing well, and talk us out of bad ideas. They’re the sounding boards, the cheerleaders, the honest critics we all need.

    Last year was incredibly challenging for me. Crisis after crisis hit, and my priority was simply being there for my loved ones. Giving up wasn’t an option. I realized I have a small circle of true friends – but even with them, I hesitated to share my struggles. It was a chance encounter – a reunion with four friends after a year apart – that reminded me of the power of connection. In an instant, we were back to where we left off. And it was one friend’s vulnerability – his willingness to share his own hardships – that made me feel truly “not alone.” It’s a moment I’ll cherish forever.

    Beyond Acquaintances: Identifying True Friends

    You truly see someone’s character in a crisis. This applies to everyone, including your friends. When faced with adversity, people act according to their values. You will be disappointed by some, but surprised by others.

    Determining if a friend is truly a friend comes down to the quality of the relationship. You need to invest time and energy to understand their motivations and character. Here’s what I look for:

    1. Trust is the foundation of any strong friendship. It means you can confide in each other without fear of betrayal. Trusting friends keep your secrets, act with integrity, and are dependable. Without trust, it’s hard to maintain a meaningful and lasting connection.
    2. Mutual respect in a friendship means valuing each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries. It involves appreciating and honouring each other’s individuality, even when you disagree. Respect is also the foundation of honesty, even when it’s difficult. They give you constructive feedback and tell you the truth, even if it might be hard to hear.
    3. Reciprocity & Support
      A good friendship is a two-way street. It involves being there for each other through thick and thin. This includes providing emotional support during tough times and celebrating each other’s successes and happiness. Both parties should invest time, effort, and care into the relationship. If only one is doing all the giving while the other does all the taking, it won’t work out on the long run.

    Keep your friends close

    If you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, hold onto them. Don’t let birthdays, holidays, or simple check-ins fall by the wayside. Reach out and ask how they’re doing. It’s easy to let life get in the way, to prioritize everything above the people who matter. But as we get older, priorities multiply. Make the effort to nurture those connections – you won’t regret it.

    Two habits to strengthen your friendships:

    Here are three actionable habits, rooted in the idea that strong friendships require consistent effort, to help you nurture those vital connections:

    1. The “Check-In” Ritual:

    • Action: Send a quick IM or make a short call to one friend each week, specifically asking how they’re doing and genuinely listening to their response. Don’t make it about you – focus on them.
    • Why it Works: Consistent, intentional check-ins demonstrate you care and are thinking of them, even when life gets busy. It builds trust and strengthens the emotional bond by showing you’re present and invested in their well-being. It combats the tendency to only reach out when you need something.

    2. The “Shared Experience” Boost:

    • Action: Once a month, intentionally plan a small activity with a friend – a coffee date, a walk, a movie night, even a virtual game. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive.
    • Why it Works: Shared experiences create lasting memories and strengthen the emotional connection. It provides opportunities for conversation, laughter, and deeper understanding. It moves the relationship beyond superficial interactions and fosters a sense of closeness.

    Conclusion

    In a world that often champions self-reliance, it’s easy to underestimate the profound power of human connection. True friendship isn’t about having a large social circle; it’s about cultivating a few meaningful relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual support. These bonds aren’t simply a source of comfort during difficult times – they enrich our lives, inspire our growth, and remind us that even in our most independent moments, we are never truly alone. So, cherish those who stand by you, nurture those connections, and remember that investing in friendship is investing in a happier, more fulfilling life.

  • A theory of the dead collective

    A theory of the dead collective

    In a world that often rewards simply showing up, it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. We’ve all experienced environments where things seem to drift along, fueled by a quiet expectation of nothing much happening.

    But what if you could cut through the noise, not with grand gestures, but with consistent, proactive steps? In this post, we’ll explore why taking initiative – even in small ways – can be a powerful differentiator. Because in a sea of passivity, even a ripple of proactive effort can make you stand out and drive real results.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Dead Internet Theory

    So you might already have read this before: the internet is dead. This is at least a theory that is discussed for several years already.

    The Dead Internet theory claims, that the majority of online activities is generated by bots rather than human interactions. Around 2010 people started to notice, that the majority of online traffic is generated by bots. This is for example search engine crawling websites or spambots flooding your inbox with unwanted advertisement. While it was easy to spot bot content in the early day, this game changed even more dramatically with the introduction of AI impacting not only your inbox but also all major social media platforms. This lead to the conclusion that the internet is not as real or interactive anymore.

    But this post is not about AI and how you can use it for your personal benefits to shine online. The Dead Internet theory is merely a reflection of our society with an important underlying principle.

    Pareto principle

    The pareto principle was named after Vilfredo Pareto, an Italian economist. He observed that approx. 80% of Italy’s land was owned by about 20% of the population. While the ration can vary, the core idea is that a large portion of results often accounts to a small portion of causes.

    This relates very well to the dead internet theory in many aspects. Be it user engagement where on any given platform, only a small percentage of users might generate the majority of discussions, feedback, and interactions. Similarly, a small percentage of creators produce the bulk of viral or impactful content.

    The Dead Internet Theory and the Pareto Principle together illustrate that they often set the stage for a small but significant proportion of people who are the cause of many influential aspects of our life and beliefs. Understanding this dynamic can help not only in the online world.

    Is it dead yet? A case for Dead Collective Theory

    Let us experiment with both, by combining the Pareto Principle with the Dead Internet Theory and postulate the “Dead Collective Theory”. In this theory we suggest that in the real world only a small percentage of individuals may be responsible for driving significant collective changes. Yeah you might have realized that already, but there is more to that:

    To some extent real life has become similar to what we experience online, so let’s face it: most of us choose to become consumers rather than produce or complete tasks ourselves, even if we have the capability to do so.

    Cooking vs. eating out, driving vs. uber, handwerker vs. DIY, consuming via social media instead of searching for blogs to read. We often prioritize convenience, quality, and efficiency by consuming services instead of producing or completing tasks
    independently.

    How many of you are capable of navigating with a map and compass? But why should you anyways, there is an app for that. In some aspects of our lifestyle, the dominant habit of consuming has caused the majority of the collective to lose certain knowledge, centralizing it instead within a few individuals

    By know you might already have a hint, where I am heading towards: your chances of being the one-eyed among the blind.

    A huge potential for your success in life

    If most of the collective is consuming and therefore passive, even the smallest initiative to take action will let you stand out the masses. Reaching the absolute peak involves various elements and is worth a separate blogpost; however, surpassing the majority, to be one of the 20%, can be simpler than anticipated.

    Learning to repair your bike is only a few YouTube videos away. From there general home improvement topics are an easy next step. It only takes some of your determination and willingness to try. Once you understood that, there is no limit to what you can learn. Each lesson you take, will compound: be it cooking, understanding the basics of quantum mechanics, file your tax reports.

    The journey toward success begins with a single, crucial step—taking action and it is ok to scratch your need first, but share it with others. It’s essential to understand that merely starting is often more important than waiting for someone else to do it for you. You can initiate this process by engaging in actions, even if they seem random at first. This approach helps cultivate a mindset of openness and awareness, enabling you to identify problems around you that resonate with your personal drive to solve them.

    Engaging in activities indiscriminately serves as an admirable starting point because it instills the habit of creating rather than consuming. As you immerse yourself in various tasks, regardless of their nature, you begin developing a proactive attitude. The real transformation occurs when these actions become intentional; that is, when you choose to engage in them with purpose and direction. This shift marks the true beginning of your ascent toward excellence.

    To truly excel, it’s vital to make taking action a habitual part of your life. Consistency in this practice reinforces discipline and builds momentum, propelling you steadily upwards.

    In conclusion, by consistently practicing intentional action, you create pathways to uncover opportunities and overcome challenges, steadily advancing toward the top.

    Habits to get sh*t done

    These aren’t revolutionary, but they’re reliable habits I use to persuade myself getting started. They work because they address common psychological barriers to productivity: procrastination and overwhelm.

    The “5-Minute Kickstart”

    Action: When you’re avoiding a task, tell yourself you’ll work on it for just 5 minutes. Set a timer.  That’s it.

    Why it Works:This bypasses the biggest hurdle: starting. Our brains often exaggerate how awful a task will be! 5 minutes feels manageable, even for things we dread. Once you start, momentum builds. You’ll often find you keep going past the 5 minutes because it’s not as bad as you thought. It’s about lowering the activation energy to get going.Think of it like pushing a swing – a little push gets it moving, and then it swings on its own.

    The “One Thing Focus Day”

    Action: Every day, identify one important thing you absolutely need to get done. Just one! Focus all your energy on completing that one thing.

    Why it Works: Overwhelm is a productivity killer. Big to-do lists feel impossible. By focusing on one thing, you eliminate decision fatigue and create a clear target. Completing that one thing gives you a sense of accomplishment, which motivates you to tackle more. It’s about prioritizing and making progress, not trying to do everything at once. Small wins build up to big results.

    Conclusion & Further readings

    In an environment where passivity prevails, taking proactive initiatives, even small ones, allows individuals to stand out by leveraging their unique strengths and adding value through action and innovation.

  • Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    It has recently become fashionable to regard whatever we feel inside as true voice of nature speaking. Following this voice blindly might be a mistake assuming that it leads to self-improvement or personal growth.

    What you’ll find inside:

    I belief in “Follow your gut feeling”

    Since I was little I belief, that when in doubt about important decisions my gut feeling will always tell me the right thing to do. In retrospect I can proudly say that following this belief, I was true to myself. The decisions I made follow a pattern of core beliefs and experience base learnings from decades of trial and error. And in total, things worked out for me thanks to a big portion of luck.

    Trust your mind, but trust your heart more. 

    by anon

    When considering what kind of role model I want to be for my son, I’m uncertain whether adhering strictly to a “trust your instincts” philosophy remains relevant, given today’s prevalent focus on seeking instant gratification (read also why social media is fast food for you brain) and dopamine-driven behaviors.

    There are so many distractions accepted as cultural norms in our today’s life, that you might get the wrong answer when listening to your inner voice.

    Let us explore the origins of this belief of trust in our inner voice, before we answer the question when you should listen to it.

    Origin of “Trust your gut feeling”

    The concept of “trust your gut feeling” often is associated with listening to an inner voice or intuition, appears across various cultures and religious traditions, though it may not always be explicitly articulated as such.

    • Western Philosophy and Psychology: The idea of following one’s instincts or intuitions can be traced back to ancient Greek philosophy. Thinkers like Plato and Aristotle recognized the role of innate knowledge or instincts in human decision-making. In modern times, this concept is explored in psychology through ideas about intuition and subconscious processing.
    • Eastern Philosophies: In many Eastern traditions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, there’s an emphasis on inner wisdom and self-awareness. The practices of meditation and mindfulness aim to quiet the mind and tune into one’s deeper understanding or “inner voice.”
    • Indigenous Cultures: Many Indigenous cultures around the world place a strong emphasis on intuition and connecting with the natural world. Wisdom is often seen as something that comes from within and through harmonious interaction with nature.
    • Christianity and Other Abrahamic Religions: While not explicitly about gut feelings, these traditions emphasize listening to one’s conscience or seeking divine guidance. The idea of an “inner voice” can be linked to the belief in a personal relationship with God or the Holy Spirit guiding believers.
    • New Age and Spiritual Movements: In more contemporary spiritual movements, there is often a focus on intuition as a source of insight and truth. Practices such as channeling, energy work, and intuitive healing emphasize trusting one’s inner wisdom.

    While “trusting your gut feeling” may not originate from any single religion or culture, it reflects a universal human experience related to accessing deeper knowledge within oneself.

    Gut feeling and todays world

    While there is a cultural foundation of trusting one’s gut feeling, I get the impression that it is used today out of its original context. This context is actually prerequisite for your inner voice to be useful and aligned with your personal development or growth ambitions.

    It is self-awareness. Without it your inner voice might lure you in the following pitfalls:

    You and I have pre-existing beliefs or desires that shape our perceptions. Relying solely on intuition can lead to decisions based on what aligns with these existing biases rather than objective reality. This is called confirmation bias and limits growth by reinforcing existing patterns and preventing new learnings.

    Intuition is often intertwined with emotions. In a world of constant stimuli and distractions, emotional response can become misleading and lack of critical thinking. This is especially true if your intuition is paired with typically quick and instinctual reactions. As an illustration of my point, consider observing your actions on a challenging morning following a poor night’s sleep, before you’ve had any caffeine or food: imagine handling a child who is resistant to getting ready for school while also having a meeting scheduled in just 30 minutes. Any difference in your behavior compared to a regular morning after a decent sleep?

    Gut feelings are often formed from subconscious processing. Your subconscious mind is your autopilot and based on beliefs and experiences you had in your past as described in the summary of “biology of beliefs”. In addition to that the subconscious mind expects immediate outcomes of benefits. How can you aim for longterm personal development or personal growth when solely building on the foundation of already existing experience driven by your subconscious?

    This is by the way also the reason around the hype of why habits work so well. You transform your personal growth plan into small micro step called habits that are executed consistently and hence transformed into your subconscious mind to run on autopilot.

    When to listen to your heart

    Any gut feeling concerning dopamine related topics will most likely not be in your favor.

    It’s crucial to understand that seeking pleasure is an instinctive reaction aimed at preserving our species rather than benefiting us personally. This explains why your brain might lean towards a healthy salad, but your instincts crave pizza instead.

    When it comes to decisions influenced by dopamine and instant gratification, relying on gut feelings often won’t be advantageous. Because you know already the answer: just one more. Be it coffee, TikTok, Peanut Butter Cupcakes etc.

    With that said, you might wonder what else to listen to, if not your gut feelings? The answer is worth a dedicated blogpost and I promise to come back this in the future. For now, just acknowledge that there are several voices talking in your head. Every single of them with their own agenda.

    Conclusion

    • Trusting our gut feelings or listening to your heart has a cultural foundation and is a universal human experience.
    • The trust is used out of its original context of being self-aware.
    • If you are not aware of yourself, all the answers you get from your gut or hear is “just one more”. This is especially true for all the dopamine influenced decisions.

    Further readings

  • On taking Risks – how to make sure to stay in the game

    On taking Risks – how to make sure to stay in the game

    Every single thing you do in life is based on some calculation of risk versus reward. Even your decision of getting out of bed every morning. But live is not about avoiding risks but about knowing which ones are worth taking.

    What you’ll find inside:

    No guts, no glory

    Life means taking risks. It comes in different flavors and individual tolerance to each of us. Chances that you die because of heart decease are 80 times higher, than getting run over by a car according to the National Safety Council.

    Let me tell you a story about me being irrational about taking risks:

    My former girlfriend and I spent seven wonderful years together, and decided it was finally time to take the plunge and pop the big question. I planned the perfect moment during our ski trip in the beautiful Alps, with the sun shining and stunning views surrounding them.

    But as the first day of skiing passed, I felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach—but they weren’t just from the chilly mountain air. I had the engagement ring tucked neatly in my pocket, but every time I thought about proposing, my courage took a nosedive. The next day began with the same anxious routine.

    Panic set in when a startling thought hit me: what if something terrible happened and I missed my chance? That realization fueled my determination.

    On our break at a breathtaking spot, I took a deep breath, dropped to one knee, and finally asked my girlfrien to marry me. The combination of the stunning landscape and my finally heartfelt words made it an unforgettable moment.

    Each of us is unique, and so are our experiences. If after reading this story you wonder, “What’s wrong with this person?” that’s fine, as you might act differently.

    I wanted to share the story of proposing to my wife because it’s a perfect example of how taking risks can feel strange initially. Your body will literally try to make you stop. Emotions are the language of our bodies, and they may activate and spark thoughts or doubts about your plan simply because your body is not yet accustomed to what your mind intends.

    Most of what you’ll do for the first time feels like uncharted territory. The truth is: it is not. While you and I feel unique and special with our life situation, dreams and actions reality is it is not so unique as you think. You are not alone.

    In order to understand if the risk you are about to take is worth it, seek to understand if someone in this great wide world had already a similar challenge and shared it. From my experience Reddit is a great platform for asking such questions.

    Be Curious and upmost optimistic

    Avoiding risks is the worst you can do in your life. You and I are exposed to risk every morning we stand up. But hiding in bed will not lead to a fulfilled life.

    Hiding in bed will not lead to a fulfilled life.

    Whatever you do, commit fully. No half-hearted efforts. Your life is precious and deserves more than mediocracy. Your attitude required to take especially significant calculated risks must be utmost optimistic.

    Pursuing your dreams with all the risks included will bring numerous challenges. Your body may urge you to stop, as it feels uncomfortable. Family and friends might struggle to understand your vision and try to dissuade you. Even your surroundings might deem your plans ridiculous. Approach these headwinds with curiosity. Examine the underlying forces that fuel these arguments and the rationales behind them.

    And things will fail. You can calculate and plan for every risk expect the things that are too crazy for you to imagine. These are the ones that will do the most harm as you will not have a plan for how to deal with them.

    But the world advances, and so will you. That is why you should fail early and often. The sooner you fail and learn from it, the more likely it is that the negative impact of the risk will lessen over the course of your life. See also my post about planning.

    Be Mindful, Not Afraid

    Sh*t happens – that is why you should be mindful of the endeavors with significant risks and know that failure is part of the game. The only certain advice I have when it comes to risk taking: Don’t take risks that mean game over for you. By this I don’t imply end of your life – which is obvious to avoid, but will this drop you out of whatever you are up to?

    Fear of missing out: FOMO became famous in the context of the Crypto / Bitcoin hype. It is the anxiety or worry that you might miss an exciting or rewarding experience, and it can lead to impulsive, poorly thought-out decisions driven by the desire to avoid feeling left out or regretful.

    Overconfidence: What you should truly be wary of is taking substantial risks without any thought, which often happens when you’ve done something countless times before. But this one time, you overlook a changed parameter and, possibly in a hurry, do what you always do—potentially making things worse.

    Leveraged risk: Buying stocks using borrowed funds or adding additional people for your project to meet a deadline that is already on the critical path.These tactics might work out, but will multiply the risk with the potential consequence of you losing it all at cost of your reputation or financial bankruptcy.

    Single points of failure: If too many things of you plan rely on one thing working. Since if this fail your entire plan will fall apart.

    The Art of Risk-Taking: Habits to Keep You in the Game

    1. Habit of Taking Calculated Risks

    • Action: Evaluate potential opportunities and challenges, then make a decision to take action even if the outcome is uncertain.
    • How it Works: This habit involves a thoughtful assessment of risks and benefits. By gathering information, considering possible outcomes, and then acting, you can make informed decisions that push you out of your comfort zone while minimizing potential downsides.

    2. Habit of Persistence

    • Action: Continue to pursue goals despite obstacles and setbacks.
    • How it Works: Persistence requires a mindset that does not give up easily. When faced with challenges, this habit involves seeking alternative solutions, learning from failures, and continually moving forward. Many successful people attributes much of their success to persisting through difficulties and not allowing temporary setbacks to derail his long-term goals.

    3. Habit of Seeking Mentorship and Guidance

    • Action: Actively look for mentors and listen to their advice and experiences to guide your own journey.
    • How it Works: Mentors can provide valuable insights, support, and wisdom based on their own experiences. Seeking mentorship involves identifying individuals who have achieved what you aspire to and building a relationship with them.

    Further readings

  • Planning personal growth done right?

    Planning personal growth done right?

    When you are young and see your future self thriving, achieving dreams, and growing into the person you aspire to be. Once you grow older, you might catch yourself saying “I had big plans”. Or even be sad about the fact, that your plans didn’t work out yet.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Most of the people I know get the planning wrong, as their plans don’t survive reality. It is not only the plan itself, but the process of planning itself. It helps you figure out if what you’re doing right now makes sense.

    You don’t have to be smart, but have a plan

    People often think success comes from being intelligent. But having a good plan can be just as important, or even more important. While smart people think fast, a plan offers structure and direction. It is a blueprint for anyone, regardless of their intellectual abilities, to achieve their goals.

    With defined steps in place, you can navigate obstacles with confidence and focus, ensuring that your efforts are aligned with your objectives. Having a good plan and thinking ahead means you don’t have to rely on sudden, brilliant ideas. It shows that steady, step-by-step efforts can make up for not being the smartest.

    Gru on planning, but missing execution step

    You plan, God laughs

    The trouble with plans is that only those that work in the real world are helpful. Exactly this is the hard part of planning and we will get to that.

    But even bad plans are better than nothing. Because the process of planning is equally important as the plan itself. Crafting a plan helps in cultivating valuable skills such as discipline and time management. When you work with a plan, you are more likely to develop a problem-solving mindset, as the process requires thinking ahead and analyzing potential outcomes. This strategic approach encourages continuous learning and adaptability, which are crucial traits in any field.

    Hope for the best, plan for the worst

    Even if you don’t have all the answers at the onset, a plan allows you to identify resources and support systems you may need, ensuring that you are not working in isolation. Planning helps us do things better. It shows that anyone can succeed if they organise, try hard, and keep going.

    What makes a good plan?

    Our future is filled with unknowns – this is reality for all of us. A good plan does not pretend this was not true. It embraces the this fact with room for errors. Because the more you need specific elements in your plan to be true, the more fragile your plan becomes.

    Margin for mistake can come in different forms for you plan and planning process:

    • Loose timeline: Not relying that e.g. you have to master a skill by a defined deadline. If you do, this will be a bonus on top, but if you don’t, there should not be extra punishment.
    • Flexible thinking: This could be a wiggle room for interpretation of your personal growth aspiration. Loosing five pounds in three months might be harder to achieve than becoming someone that lives healthy. See also goals vs system oriented thinking.
    • Use of resources: Be it time, money, machines or other people – you can adopt the way on how you make use of it. Being cost-effective or extravagant might help in overcoming the challenges you might face.

    I got it wrong for so many years that leaving room for error has nothing to do with being conservative. Conservative thinking is about avoiding a certain level of risk. You do not want to limit yourselves, especially if it is about personal growth plans.

    Following this advice you are planning for what is not going according to your plan. I feel that especially the wiggle room for mistakes in planning is under appreciated. If considered well it will raise your odds to succeed by allowing you to stay on course with your plan. It allow you to change course without abandoning the whole plan and start over again or even worse quitting.

    But keep in mind: Even your best plan is just an idea unless you put it into action.

    Conclusion

    • A plan is the lynchpin between your intention and the actual action. 
    • Plans are only useful, if they can survive reality. And all our future reality is filled with unknowns.
    • Many plans don’t work out not because they’re bad, but because they’re just okay when they actually need to be perfect.

    Further readings: