From Reacting to Witnessing: A Path to Inner Growth

The phone call came on a Tuesday. My friends said two words – ‘it’s over’ and ‘forever’ – and suddenly, the carefully constructed life I’d built felt like it was crumbling around me. I spent the next few weeks in a fog of anxiety, convinced I was a failure. It wasn’t a life-or-death situation, but it felt like everything I believed in was slipping away.

Then came a realization that changed everything: I am not my thoughts.

This simple truth, once embraced, somehow unlocked a transformation. A year later, I stand as a testament to the power of that shift. I’ve reclaimed my health, lost weight and maintained it through consistent exercise (something my former self would have scoffed at!), and rediscovered the joy of reading. Most importantly, I’m finally feel free to express myself authentically.

Don’t mistake my optimistic writing for a finished story. Healing isn’t linear. Our brains are masters of illusion, conjuring painful flashbacks or projecting future fears. But with distance, I know I’ve reached a new level of growth.

This “aha” moment wasn’t just for me. I believe this understanding – that you are not your thoughts – is a powerful key to unlocking potential for anyone trapped in a cycle of negativity. It’s a message I’m driven to share.

Recommending the book: “Don’t believe everything you think” by Jospeh Nguyen

Don’t you know? Your thoughts are not you

I started to dig into why I didn’t realized this earlier in life. Apparently it’s incredibly common to have that “aha” moment relatively late in life. And most of the people realizing that your perception creates your reality, and therefore your feelings, perceive this as a game-changer. Btw. it’s the core principle behind many philosophies and therapeutic approaches (like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Stoicism, and mindfulness).

It’s not about denying that external events have an impact. It’s about recognizing that your interpretation of those events is what determines your emotional response.

–> also worthwhile to read: Don’t believe everything you think

The realization of your thoughts are just projections of the past or future and not you as individual, will impact you in several dimensions:

• Empowerment: You will discover that you have more control over your emotional state than you thought. You’re no longer a victim of your circumstances.
• Resilience: You can develop the ability to navigate difficult situations with greater equanimity. Because you will start focusing on the things you can control right now.
• Personal Growth: You can consciously choose thoughts and beliefs that support your well-being. Ranging from little things like choosing the words you use when talking to yourself, up to challenging the main beliefs you use to guide you in life.
• Freedom: You can break free from limiting patterns of thinking and behavior.

Every time I catch myself acting like a hamster trapped in a wheel, I remind myself to reflect if it is really me or just my brain on autopilot.

Conditioned to believe in objective reality

This understanding often eludes us for so long. But why is it so difficult to grasp?

From a very young age, we’re taught to believe that the world happens to us. We learn to react to external events, and our parents/caregivers often focus on fixing the problem rather than teaching us how to manage our response to it. “You’re sad because you fell? Let me make it better.” This reinforces the idea that the external event caused the sadness.

It could be that this was necessary in our evolutionary past – reacting quickly to external threats was crucial for survival. Analyzing our interpretation of a threat would have been too slow. “Bear! Run!” was more effective than “What does this bear mean?” Over time our brains are got incredibly efficient at filtering information and creating narratives. As a result we don’t consciously choose every thought we have. This creates the illusion that our thoughts are simply reflections of reality, rather than constructions of it.

Over time, we develop patterns of thinking that become automatic. We react to situations in the same way we always have, without questioning whether those reactions are serving us.

The blindspot is you

This conditioning to believe in objective reality is so profound, that it’s surprisingly difficult to step back and observe your own thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. Trying to analyze your thoughts while you’re having them is like trying to see your own brain. When we’re caught up in strong emotions, it’s even harder to step back and see that those emotions are being fueled by our thoughts.

We’re so accustomed to being the thinker, the feeler, that we are not able to imagine that we can also be the observer of those processes. It’s a subtle but crucial distinction. Our minds are constantly generating stories, interpretations, and judgments, and we often mistake these mental constructs for reality itself. This is also why our vocabulary molds our reality. Breaking free from this automatic pilot requires conscious effort and a willingness to question everything we think we know.

Conclusion

I don’t believe that one can have this realization just by reading the lines above. Though I feel, that it is important to share it and break the belief of what is truly possible.

My next step is to practice observing my thoughts and feelings without judgment. Start noticing the connection between my thoughts, emotions, and my reactions. This takes practice, but it’s incredibly rewarding. I feel like getting into flow state more easily since I started with this habit.

I feel like being on a powerful path of self-discovery! Already looking forward how this realization continues to unfold and reveal new layers of understanding.