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Tag: food-for-thought

  • Be responsible – unique skill for self-growth

    Be responsible – unique skill for self-growth

    Accept that you are responsible for your current life situation. Bad things happen to us every day. But it is about how we (re)act and what choices we make.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Life seems less of a burden, when you have someone else to blame. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. Once you get used to it, you will feel more energetic out of your victories and less anxious of consequence from failure.

    Being responsible does not stop at admitting when you have done something wrong. This is a first, but important step of a journey. It will take practice to get used to apologize. Once you get used to it, the “you’re responsible” mindset will make you try really hard to give all you have in order to fill this role of a responsible person. You will try to live up to your expectations.

    And as you don’t want to be responsible for everything, you will have to make up your mind on what is important to you.

    Responsibility – what’s the point

    What is it that you care so much about, that it is a no-brainer, you want it to be successful, safe, whole or just there for you and others. Is it your partner, your cat or your job?

    But others come second – you have to feel responsible for yourself first and this is your body and your mind. Without you being well, there is not much you will be able to do for others on the long run.

    Let us start with your mind: It is your reaction to external circumstances that you cannot control that is crucial when takin responsibility for yourself. Because who you give responsibility has the authority over you. Life is full of situations that are beyond our control, such as the weather, traffic, or other people’s actions. For example, getting upset about heavy traffic won’t make the cars move faster, but it will increase your stress levels. If you’re feeling moody simply because clouds are obscuring the sun, then you’re allowing the weather to dictate your mood.

    Neither me or you want to be dependent on random events – this is majorly stupid, but sometime, this is what we do. Therefore how you choose to respond to these circumstances is very important. You can’t control the situation, but you can control your reaction to it. This will greatly influence your happiness, stress levels, and overall well-being.

    If you blame external circumstances or other people for your feelings or actions, you’re essentially giving them authority over your life. However, if you take responsibility for your responses, you retain the authority and control over your own life. For example, instead of saying “The traffic made me late,” you could say “I didn’t plan enough time for traffic delays.” This shifts the responsibility back to you and gives you the authority to make changes in the future.

    Know what is important for you

    Accept that you are in control of what you think and how you perceive everything you read, hear or see. Observe how your brain filters all this information and molds your perception of your current situation based on your beliefs and past experiences.

    Once you acknowledge that you’re personally accountable for every aspect of your life, you truly become responsible for everything in it. However, this can be overwhelming and turn into a pitfall, as you can’t “boil the ocean” and you should not. If you know already what matters to you most, focus on it solely.

    In case you are not certain of the things that truly matter to you, start the other way around. Decide what is not important to you, and start saying “No” to those things in life. To help you with that try the following two questions to reflect:

    • Am I only doing this task out of habit, guilt, or a sense of obligation, rather than genuine necessity or desire?
    • What would happen if I simply stopped doing this task, and is that outcome acceptable to me?

    Reflecting on your answer to those questions will help to find a way forward. And if it turn out, that you took the wrong path – apologize (also to yourself) and take responsibility to change your course in life.

    Habits to strengthen your sense of responsibility

    By cultivating these habits you’ll develop a stronger sense of responsibility and become more adept at focusing your energy on the things that truly matter.

    1. Choose what you care about

    Action: Prioritize what truly matters to you based on your core values. Make a conscious decision to care about and invest your energy in those things. Ignore or disengage from trivial or unimportant issues.

    Why it works: Focusing on what’s truly important helps you take responsibility for your priorities. Choosing your battles wisely conserves energy and reduces stress. Aligning your actions with your values fosters a sense of purpose and accountability.

    2. Take Responsibility for Your Problems

    Action: Accept that problems are a natural part of life and that you are responsible for addressing them. Instead of blaming others or external circumstances, focus on what you can control. Ask yourself, “What can I do to improve or resolve this situation?”

    Why it works: Taking ownership of your problems empowers you to find solutions. Focusing on what you can control fosters proactive responsibility. Accepting problems as natural helps you build resilience and emotional maturity.

    3. Practice Rejection and Failure

    Action: Deliberately seek out experiences where you might face rejection or failure. Embrace these experiences as opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what you’ve gained from each experience, regardless of the outcome.

    Why it works: Facing rejection and failure builds emotional resilience and mental toughness. Embracing these experiences helps you take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. Learning from failures fosters continuous personal growth and improvement.

    Conclusion

    • Taking responsibility for your life puts you in the driver’s seat, allowing you to make decisions and shape your future.
    • Accepting responsibility fosters self-awareness, emotional maturity, and resilience.
    • It helps you make better, more informed decisions that align with your values and goals.
    • In order to feel responsible, you’ll have to know what you care about and what to skip.
    • Finally taking responsibility reduces your feelings of helplessness and victimhood.
  • Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    It has recently become fashionable to regard whatever we feel inside as true voice of nature speaking. Following this voice blindly might be a mistake assuming that it leads to self-improvement or personal growth.

    What you’ll find inside:

    I belief in “Follow your gut feeling”

    Since I was little I belief, that when in doubt about important decisions my gut feeling will always tell me the right thing to do. In retrospect I can proudly say that following this belief, I was true to myself. The decisions I made follow a pattern of core beliefs and experience base learnings from decades of trial and error. And in total, things worked out for me thanks to a big portion of luck.

    Trust your mind, but trust your heart more. 

    by anon

    When considering what kind of role model I want to be for my son, I’m uncertain whether adhering strictly to a “trust your instincts” philosophy remains relevant, given today’s prevalent focus on seeking instant gratification (read also why social media is fast food for you brain) and dopamine-driven behaviors.

    There are so many distractions accepted as cultural norms in our today’s life, that you might get the wrong answer when listening to your inner voice.

    Let us explore the origins of this belief of trust in our inner voice, before we answer the question when you should listen to it.

    Origin of “Trust your gut feeling”

    The concept of “trust your gut feeling” often is associated with listening to an inner voice or intuition, appears across various cultures and religious traditions, though it may not always be explicitly articulated as such.

    • Western Philosophy and Psychology: The idea of following one’s instincts or intuitions can be traced back to ancient Greek philosophy. Thinkers like Plato and Aristotle recognized the role of innate knowledge or instincts in human decision-making. In modern times, this concept is explored in psychology through ideas about intuition and subconscious processing.
    • Eastern Philosophies: In many Eastern traditions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, there’s an emphasis on inner wisdom and self-awareness. The practices of meditation and mindfulness aim to quiet the mind and tune into one’s deeper understanding or “inner voice.”
    • Indigenous Cultures: Many Indigenous cultures around the world place a strong emphasis on intuition and connecting with the natural world. Wisdom is often seen as something that comes from within and through harmonious interaction with nature.
    • Christianity and Other Abrahamic Religions: While not explicitly about gut feelings, these traditions emphasize listening to one’s conscience or seeking divine guidance. The idea of an “inner voice” can be linked to the belief in a personal relationship with God or the Holy Spirit guiding believers.
    • New Age and Spiritual Movements: In more contemporary spiritual movements, there is often a focus on intuition as a source of insight and truth. Practices such as channeling, energy work, and intuitive healing emphasize trusting one’s inner wisdom.

    While “trusting your gut feeling” may not originate from any single religion or culture, it reflects a universal human experience related to accessing deeper knowledge within oneself.

    Gut feeling and todays world

    While there is a cultural foundation of trusting one’s gut feeling, I get the impression that it is used today out of its original context. This context is actually prerequisite for your inner voice to be useful and aligned with your personal development or growth ambitions.

    It is self-awareness. Without it your inner voice might lure you in the following pitfalls:

    You and I have pre-existing beliefs or desires that shape our perceptions. Relying solely on intuition can lead to decisions based on what aligns with these existing biases rather than objective reality. This is called confirmation bias and limits growth by reinforcing existing patterns and preventing new learnings.

    Intuition is often intertwined with emotions. In a world of constant stimuli and distractions, emotional response can become misleading and lack of critical thinking. This is especially true if your intuition is paired with typically quick and instinctual reactions. As an illustration of my point, consider observing your actions on a challenging morning following a poor night’s sleep, before you’ve had any caffeine or food: imagine handling a child who is resistant to getting ready for school while also having a meeting scheduled in just 30 minutes. Any difference in your behavior compared to a regular morning after a decent sleep?

    Gut feelings are often formed from subconscious processing. Your subconscious mind is your autopilot and based on beliefs and experiences you had in your past as described in the summary of “biology of beliefs”. In addition to that the subconscious mind expects immediate outcomes of benefits. How can you aim for longterm personal development or personal growth when solely building on the foundation of already existing experience driven by your subconscious?

    This is by the way also the reason around the hype of why habits work so well. You transform your personal growth plan into small micro step called habits that are executed consistently and hence transformed into your subconscious mind to run on autopilot.

    When to listen to your heart

    Any gut feeling concerning dopamine related topics will most likely not be in your favor.

    It’s crucial to understand that seeking pleasure is an instinctive reaction aimed at preserving our species rather than benefiting us personally. This explains why your brain might lean towards a healthy salad, but your instincts crave pizza instead.

    When it comes to decisions influenced by dopamine and instant gratification, relying on gut feelings often won’t be advantageous. Because you know already the answer: just one more. Be it coffee, TikTok, Peanut Butter Cupcakes etc.

    With that said, you might wonder what else to listen to, if not your gut feelings? The answer is worth a dedicated blogpost and I promise to come back this in the future. For now, just acknowledge that there are several voices talking in your head. Every single of them with their own agenda.

    Conclusion

    • Trusting our gut feelings or listening to your heart has a cultural foundation and is a universal human experience.
    • The trust is used out of its original context of being self-aware.
    • If you are not aware of yourself, all the answers you get from your gut or hear is “just one more”. This is especially true for all the dopamine influenced decisions.

    Further readings

  • Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory

    Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory

    As I watched my son take his first unsteady steps, I couldn’t help but be aware of the potential pitfalls and dangers around him.

    It was in these moments, observing my son growing up, that I began to truly understand why failing is the most normal thing in the world and starting to ask myself the question why we as grown-ups have such a hard time when it happens to us.

    What you’ll find inside:

    About trial and error while growing up

    Childhood is a continuous journey of trial and error. Every new skill, every milestone, we achieve through a series of attempts and failures. Even though my son figured out to e.g. open the door, he continued to experiment and explore different ways to achieve what he had in mind.  While researching on this topic, I learned is totally a normal thing for kids. They take the risk of failure just to explore whether there is an alternative to get things done.

    Continuous retry and failure of Patrick Star

    When we grow older our capability of handling failures changes the same way as experience success. There is a correlation when I think about it. 

    Latest in Kindergarden, kids start comparing themselves with others and potentially get the feeling that winning or being successful increases their acceptance amongst their peers and hence increases their social worth. This follows through in several aspects of today’s society. Being the smartest and getting the confirmation with excellent grades. Being the best by getting the confirmation of winning a tournament. Even team sports like soccer have their individual champions. Or what about social proof on social media by comparing who has the most followers? 

    Failure is a universal experience

    But everyone fails at some point, in some way. It’s the common thread that binds us all, from the toddler learning to walk to the CEO launching a new venture. Some of us are in a state of constant failure due to how they set goals. Yet, despite its universality, we often stigmatise failure.

    When I failed in my early days I remember that I was told to know better, since I was old enough to do better. In the majority of cases there is no „well done for trying“. We fear failure and avoid it because we feel ashamed when it happens.

    Avoiding to do something new because of fear of failure is a missed learning opportunity.

    Sometimes, our fear of failing is so intense that it stops us exploring new opportunities. The purpose of the emotion fear is to make us alert. But this emotion can actually hold us back in our comfort zone when we have the chance to grow and broaden our horizons.

    Stop the fear roller coaster and start fresh

    I reflected on all my main failures in the past and there were many from what I can tell. And since I tend to be hard on myself, I also asked a friend to share his point-of-view on my failures.

    Once I acknowledged, that my failures are not a reflection of my worth, but were an opportunity to improve, things got a lot easier. And with things I mean my approach to try our new stuff and experiment with my existing behaviour and habits. But getting to accept failures being part of the game is the hard part. How to get to this state is very individual. I will share with you what worked for me, as someone who was thought that failure are bad and to be avoided. 

    It all started with reflecting on my son’s behaviour of incautious learning. Be it learning riding a bike, swimming or building lego robots at some point, he got so frustrated that what he did was not according to what he had in mind, that got very angry and eg. Threw his half way built robot across the room. The robot was broken, he started crying because he was angry about the it and about himself on what he just did.

    It was a personal failure for him. He had a clear expectation in his mind, how the robot would look like and it didn’t match reality. Once we talked about that it is not OK to throw things around and all the emotions that overwhelmed him, he again started calmly to build the robot again – with a better version, as he stated. 

    From that I derived three actions to myself when it comes to personal failing: 

    1. Every time I fail emotions like frustration or anger are necessary vents to steam off. I let it happen. If possible, I try to direct these emotions into some kind of constructive activity. I figured that journaling it out of my head or any kind of immediate physical activity releases the initial spike of stress. 
    2. I reflect on why it is a failure and why I see it as such. Is it because of my own expectation towards the outcome or are there expectations by someone else. Especially if it me setting the bar high I ask someone who I trust for help to reflect. Depending on the topic this is my wife, friend or even good old internet.
    3. I accept failure by asking myself, if I tried with all I have. Sometime this is not case, then I need to understand why in order to improve the next time. But if I honestly answer this with a yes, I come to peace with the myself and my failure. 

    Don’t just “try again” or “try harder”

    If you are missing the standard phrases of „stand up, dust yourself off and try again“, it is because I believe they are too generic to be shared with anyone as actionable advice. Even for things you really want, it is too naive to blindly follow this advice. Some times it is better to quit, than wasting energy on a something with low probability of achievement and the early you know, the faster you can focus on something else. 

    For me, the main factor in deciding whether to try again is if it boosts my energy level. Consider my love for making music and playing the guitar. It feels so exciting and powerful to be the one creating the sound, melody, and rhythm.

    However, learning to play “Nothing Else Matters” has been a frustrating journey. I often fall short of my own expectations during practice because it just doesn’t sound like the original. Still my energy level increases with every try. That is why I see it as an important reflection point before trying again.

    If I give it my all, maybe even multiple times, and it leaves me feeling drained, I’m perfectly fine with accepting that this as a failure and moving on to something else. But stepping back and don’t trying again, doesn’t mean that you lost for ever. Just this time it didnt work out.

    From this failure, I learned something valuable. I was brave enough to try, and that courage will make it easier for me to attempt new things in the future.

    Summary: on failing and why it is the path to go for winners

    • Accept that failing is part of the game in everything you and also others do in life. 
    • As long as trying makes you feel engaged and brings positive energy you are on track.
    • Once trying is just a sucker of your energy change the approach or try something else.

    Further readings:

  • Social Media is Evil Fast Food For your Brain

    Social Media is Evil Fast Food For your Brain

    Bluesky is becoming more popular than X. Users say Bluesky feels like real social media again. This makes me want to speak out about how social media affects our performance. I will summarise how this influence impacts our success in important areas of life.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Observing my own Social Media consumption, I find myself regularly doomscrolling Insta, TikTok or Reddit especially before bedtime. „Just only ten more posts“ I say to myself. This is just to break this promise to myself with scrolling „just a few more“. It gets late and I fall asleep way too late and regret it afterwards – just to mention one similarity to junk food? But why do I doomscroll at all even though I am not searching for anything special.

    Our Brains prioritise novelty

    The part of our brain that responds to new stimuli is called the nigra/ventral segmental area. This area is closely connected to the hippocampus and the amygdala, which both help us learn and remember. The hippocampus compares stimuli against existing memories, while the amygdala responds to emotional stimuli and strengthens associated long-term memories.

    Let me explain why our brains work like that with an example of our early ancestors where survival was predominant. One day a young neanderthal women, let us call her Lizzy, discovered a hidden cave while searching for food in the forest. She thought, “This could be a cozy place to sleep!” Once she stepped into the cave, she heard a loud growl of a bear that was already living there. With a little luck Lizzy managed to escape. 

    But what happened in her brain during that experience? At first, her hippocampus compared the stimuli of seeing a new cave against existing memories. Initial reaction was „exciting, maybe a new shelter“ and lead her to explore the cave. The shock of discovering a bear inside, an intense emotion paired with rush of adrenaline, strengthened her long-term memory that a) this cave is not save and b) caves in general can be dangerous. 

    The reason she started exploring the cave in the first place is an important mechanism that encourages us to try new things. It was the anticipation of dopamine – sitting at a fire, have it warm, dry, save etc. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that plays a key role in reward, motivation, and pleasure. Exactly this anticipation of dopamine leads us to open up the social media apps and start scrolling – in most cases without a dedicated need other than pleasure.

    How sleep affects brain function and mental health

    But every brain can only process and store a limited amount of new information in long-term memory. Think of an all-you-can-eat buffet but for information. You open up TikTok and start scrolling to discover new and exciting topics like how to use a drill to clean your toilet, after that a sneezing panda and so on. Depending on your stomach or self discipline, you might stop to put new things on your plate at a buffet and give your stomach a chance to digest.

    Our brains equivalent to this is sleep. While we sleep all of the „plates we filled with information“ over the day are being „digested“. Repeating information will stick. Our brain transfers new information to long-term memory by considering emotional factors, but it discards the majority of information.

    Social Media fills your brain with information, you don’t need

    In contrast to an all-you-can-eat buffets most Social Media Apps are designed for mass consumption. Being it notifications about new posts or reactions, gamification aspects like badges or karma and followers count – all this has the sole purpose of this app becoming the dominant player in the market. You as user are the worker to achieve this goal. It is a system with a reinforcement loop to contribute and consume. Which means either you contribute with the 10th video of toilet scrubbing with a drill or you consume it. 

    At the end of the day, your „brains plate“ is filled with various kinds of these unspecific information. Potentially leaving no space left for information that matter to be successful in personal or professional part of your life. As with fast food, your basically bloated your brain with fun but irrelevant information. Incautious consumption of social media spreads our focus. But focus is what drives our energy towards goals, visions and purpose in life.

    My formula to avoid overconsumption of social media

    Did I bashed a bit too hard on Social Media and the bad schema the companies are up to. But like money, Social media is not bad or good. It depends on how conscious we use it. It is okey to get yourself distracted by all the fun stuff, since it is also a substitute to release stress.

    To reduce my screen time for social media apps I tried the built in features of my iPhone. At least in iOS it is too tempting to click on „15 more minutes“ once the time limitation screen pops up.

    Instead what worked for me is to hire an app guard. This sounds fancy but is just a deal with myself: Every time I crave to open any of my social media apps, I have to justify to myself, if I completed two other items already that I set for my personal growth. For me it is completing my daily streak of learning Spanish and tracking my calories and water consumption.

    I do this via apps on my mobile that are on the same screen as my social media apps. Every time I grab my mobile and want to chill on social media, I see these two other apps first which triggers me to ask: did I completed these two items? For the most cases it works for me to jump into the other apps and work towards my visions instead of incautiously „do social media“.

    Conclusion 

    • Each social media app designs its system for ease of use and consumption, relying on you to contribute to their success.
    • Our brain carves for new and exciting information which makes you doom scroll social media.
    • While we sleep, our brain processes all new information into long-term memory, making repeated information stick.
    • Our brains can store a limited amount of information in long-term memory. 
    • If you consume a lot of social media content unrelated to all the things you want to your aspriations, you sabotage your personal growth.
    • Limit your social media consumption by installing a social media guard, a habit that priorities topics of you personal growth first and makes social media second priority. 

    Further reading: