Gabriel.LIVE

Tag: food-for-thought

  • “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    “Solve for Happy” Changed My Perspective on Suffering and Joy

    I remember scrolling through podcast episodes, as prep for a business trip, when I stumbled upon an interview with Tony Robbins and Mo Gawdat. Gawdat, a former Chief Technology Officer at Google X, wasn’t talking about AI or groundbreaking tech. He was talking about happiness. That, in itself, was unusual. But it was how he talked about it that truly grabbed my attention.

    What you’ll find inside:

    He spoke with a quiet authority, a profound calm, and a story that was… devastating. His son, Ali, had tragically passed away, and Gawdat had embarked on a journey to understand how to navigate such immense grief, not by avoiding it, but by fundamentally changing his relationship to it.

    If you observe the people close to you, some are seemingly unflappable in the face of hardship, and I wonder: what’s their secret? Why are some capable of finding something positive, even in the darkest of times, while others feel almost miserable if little things didn’t work out?

    Gawdat’s story, and the framework he developed in his book, “Solve for Happy,” offered an answer, and it wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t about positive thinking or “looking on the bright side.” It was about understanding the engineering of happiness, the underlying mechanisms that create our experience of joy and suffering.

    Happiness: The Default Setting

    The core idea of “Solve for Happy” is surprisingly simple: happiness is our default state. Think about a baby. Before the world layers on expectations, trauma, and learned patterns, they are pure, unadulterated joy. They aren’t worried about the future or dwelling on the past. They’re simply experiencing the present moment.

    Read also: “Flow – the psychology of optimal experience”  by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

    Gawdat argues that this inherent joy isn’t lost, it’s masked. Our brains, designed for survival, constantly analyze, predict, and categorize, creating a complex web of beliefs and expectations that ultimately distort our perception of reality. We are, essentially, running a constant, complex algorithm, and the results are rarely what we think they are.

    Read also: Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, where he depicts that your brain is goal seeking machine

    The Illusions and Blindspots: Where the Algorithm Fails

    This algorithm, as Gawdat describes it, is riddled with illusions and blindspots. Here are a few key ones:

    • The Illusion of Control: We desperately believe we can control external events. We plan, strategize, and worry, all in an attempt to shape the world around us. But the truth is, a huge amount of life is unpredictable. Accepting this isn’t about resignation, it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering.
    • The Illusion of Separation: We perceive ourselves as separate from the world, from other people, from the universe. This creates feelings of loneliness, fear, and inadequacy. Recognizing our interconnectedness can foster empathy, compassion, and a sense of belonging.
    • The Illusion of Time: We get stuck in the past (regret, resentment) or the future (anxiety, worry), missing the beauty and opportunity of the present moment. Our brains are excellent at remembering and predicting, but terrible at experiencing the now.
    • The Limitation of Imperfection: We hold ourselves and others to unrealistic standards, leading to disappointment and frustration. Accepting imperfection is key to fostering self-compassion and building healthy relationships.

    The Story We Tell Ourselves

    Crucially, Gawdat argues that the events themselves aren’t the source of our suffering. It’s our interpretation of those events. Our brains are constantly constructing narratives, filling in gaps, and assigning meaning. None of these narratives are “reality” – they’re just stories we tell ourselves.

    Read also: “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” by Joseph Nguyen

    Think about a time someone apologized to you. The apology doesn’t erase the event that caused pain. But it changes how you feel about it, right? Because it alters the narrative. It signals a shift in intention, a recognition of harm, and an offer of reconciliation. This realignment between your internal world and the external world, Gawdat argues, is what brings relief.

    This leads to a powerful point: thinking alone has no impact on the reality of our lives. Endless analysis, rumination, and worry don’t solve problems, they create them. Overthinking doesn’t prepare you for the future; it steals the joy from the present. It’s a waste of precious mental energy, and it leads only to suffering with no benefits whatsoever.

    Remember: Always look on the bright side of life.

    Choosing Happiness: A Conscious Act

    Happiness, then, isn’t something that happens to you; it’s something you choose. It starts with awareness – a conscious recognition of your emotions, thoughts, and patterns. You have to become the observer of your own mind, rather than being swept away by its currents.

    Gawdat proposes several habits to cultivate this awareness. He emphasizes the importance of reframing your thinking and focusing on what you can control. Here are a few that I’ve found particularly helpful:

    • Success Journal: This isn’t about listing achievements. It’s about intentionally rewriting your brain to see the positive events in your life. Each day, write down at least five things that went well, no matter how small. It retrains your brain to focus on abundance and gratitude.
    • Awareness Break: Several times a day, pause and engage your senses. Recognize ten things around you, naming them, smelling them, tasting them, hearing them, feeling them. It grounds you in the present moment and disrupts the constant stream of thoughts.
    • Gratitude Walk: I’ve added this to the mix. Every morning, I go for a walk and, with each step, I consciously identify something I’m grateful for – the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds, the opportunity to breathe. It’s a simple practice, but it sets a positive tone for the entire day.

    My Biggest Takeaway from “Solve for Happy”

    If I had to distill all of Mo Gawdat’s insights in “Solve for Happy” down to a single, most impactful concept, it would be this: suffering isn’t caused by what happens to you, but by the story you tell yourself about what happens.

    While the book delves into illusions, algorithms, and practical habits, that core idea is the foundation upon which everything else is built. It’s profoundly liberating because it shifts the focus of control. We often feel helpless when life throws challenges our way, believing the events themselves are the problem. Gawdat argues that the problem isn’t the event, but the interpretation we assign to it.

    This isn’t just positive thinking; it’s a recognition of how our brains construct reality. We don’t experience events objectively; we filter them through our beliefs, past experiences, and expectations, creating a narrative that shapes our emotional response.

    Recognizing this allows you to:

    • Interrupt negative spirals: You can challenge the stories you tell yourself and reframe them in a more constructive light.
    • Reduce reactivity: You can create space between the event and your reaction, choosing how you respond instead of being swept away by automatic emotional patterns.
    • Take ownership of your happiness: You realize that you have the power to change your experience, not by changing the external world, but by changing your internal narrative.

    For me, that concept was the most impactful because it wasn’t about avoiding suffering – it’s about changing your relationship to it. It’s a shift from feeling like a victim of circumstance to becoming the author of your own experience. And that, ultimately, is a profoundly empowering realization.

    I’d love to exchange with you on this topic. Please comment or reach out to me on threads: https://www.threads.com/@gabriel.live.24

  • The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    The Lost Art of Asking: Why the Right Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

    We live in an age of self-proclaimed expertise. Social media has amplified voices and created a culture where everyone seems to have an opinion – and feels compelled to share it – instantly. This puts immense pressure on all of us to have the “right” answer at our fingertips, to appear knowledgeable and confident at all times. But the real power doesn’t lie in having the answer, but in knowing how to ask the right questions.

    What you’ll find inside:

    For many, asking questions feels vulnerable and me being sensitive to others am no exception to that. We worry about appearing ignorant, interrupting the flow of conversation, or simply bothering someone. But this reluctance is holding us back. Asking isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a demonstration of intellectual humility, a catalyst for learning, and a surprisingly powerful tool for innovation and understanding.

    This isn’t just about clarifying details or seeking directions. It’s about cultivating a mindset of curiosity, a relentless pursuit of the why behind everything, and a willingness to admit – and even embrace – the fact that we don’t have all the answers.

    Beyond the Surface: The Question Behind the Question

    Think about the last time someone asked you a question. Did they simply accept your initial response, or did they delve a little deeper? A truly insightful questioner doesn’t stop at the surface. They’re interested in the underlying assumptions, the context, and the motivations behind your answer. They’re asking the question behind the question.

    This is where the real magic happens. Let’s say someone asks, “What’s the best way to market my new product?” A basic answer might involve listing different marketing channels. But a genuinely curious questioner would follow up with:

    • “What problem does this product solve?”
    • “Who is your ideal customer?”
    • “What are your biggest concerns about launching this product?”
    • “What have you tried already, and what were the results?”

    These aren’t just follow-up questions; they’re attempts to understand the context of the original question. They reveal the assumptions the person is making, the challenges they’re facing, and the true needs driving their inquiry. By understanding these underlying factors, you can offer far more valuable and tailored advice. John G. Miller wrote a book on this subject called “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life“

    Making Asking a Habit: Embracing “I Don’t Know”

    The biggest obstacle to asking good questions is often internal. We’re afraid of appearing foolish, or we fall into the trap of believing we already know enough. But the truth is, we all have gaps in our knowledge and best lessons are learned through failure. The world is incredibly complex, and no one can possibly know everything.

    The key is to reframe our perception of asking questions. It’s not about admitting ignorance; it’s about acknowledging the limits of our understanding and actively seeking to expand it. Think of it as an investment in your own intellectual growth. Your curiosity might even make you an expert whom people will pay for their advice.

    Make asking questions a habit. Practice it in all aspects of your life, from casual conversations to professional meetings. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not familiar with that – can you explain it to me?” or “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about…?”

    This isn’t just about being polite; it’s about signaling your genuine interest and creating a space for open dialogue. People generally enjoy sharing their knowledge and expertise. When you demonstrate a willingness to learn, you’ll be surprised how readily they’ll offer their insights.

    What Constitutes a “Good” Question? (And Avoiding the Obvious)

    So, what does a good question actually look like? It’s not about complexity or cleverness. It’s about clarity, relevance, and a genuine desire to understand.

    If you’re starting from a place of “knowing nothing” about a topic (which is a great place to start!), here are some general questions that can kickstart a conversation:

    • “Can you explain that to me like I’m five?” This forces the other person to break down complex concepts into simple, understandable terms.
    • “What are the biggest challenges in this area?” This reveals the pain points and obstacles that others are facing.
    • “What assumptions are we making?” This helps to uncover hidden biases and potential blind spots.
    • “What are the different perspectives on this issue?” This encourages a broader understanding and avoids narrow thinking.
    • “What does success look like in this context?” This clarifies the goals and objectives of the conversation.
    • “What are the key trade-offs we need to consider?” This promotes a more nuanced and realistic assessment of the situation.
    • “How does this connect to…?” (complete the sentence with something you do understand). This builds a bridge between the unfamiliar and the familiar.

    Of course, you want to avoid asking questions that are painfully obvious or have already been answered. Asking “What is the capital of France?” in a geography lesson isn’t exactly insightful. Pay attention to the context and demonstrate that you’ve made an effort to understand the basics before diving into more complex inquiries.

    Training Yourself: The Power of Self-Questioning

    Asking questions isn’t just something you do to others; it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and critical thinking. Practice questioning your own assumptions, beliefs, and motivations.

    • “Why do I believe this?”
    • “What evidence supports this claim?”
    • “What are the potential consequences of this decision?”
    • “What am I missing?”

    Regular self-questioning can help you identify your biases, challenge your assumptions, and make more informed decisions. It’s like giving your brain a regular workout, strengthening your ability to think critically and creatively.

    Asking Isn’t a Magic Bullet: Learning from the Answers (and Beyond)

    It’s important to remember that asking questions isn’t a silver bullet. It won’t magically solve all your problems or provide you with all the answers. But it will open doors to new perspectives, deepen your understanding, and empower you to learn and grow.

    The real value lies in listening to the answers you receive, and then using that information to fuel further inquiry. Don’t be afraid to follow the rabbit hole, to explore unexpected connections, and to challenge your own preconceived notions.

    Asking the right questions is a lifelong pursuit. It’s a skill that requires practice, patience, and a genuine curiosity about the world around you. But the rewards are immeasurable. So, embrace the art of asking, and unlock the power of learning, growth, and innovation.

    I leave you with a TED talk by Karen Maeyens about her perspective on why we should ask questions.

  • The Static in Your Focus: How Feelings Hijack Your Attention (and How to Tune Back In)

    The Static in Your Focus: How Feelings Hijack Your Attention (and How to Tune Back In)

    We all strive for focus, read productivity hacks, optimize our workspaces, and even try mindfulness techniques. But what if the biggest obstacle to your focus isn’t external distractions, but the internal world of feelings?

    What you’ll find inside:

    I recently spoke with a friend who confessed she struggles to contribute in meetings. She has valuable ideas, but is paralyzed by the fear of saying something “wrong”. She’s convinced it will sound foolish, or she’ll miss a crucial detail. My response wasn’t to tell her to just “push through it”. I explained that fear isn’t bad. It’s a primal signal – a caution flag waving to say, “Hey, assess the situation!”. It’s meant to make you cautious, not freeze you solid or make you flee the room.

    This conversation sparked a deeper realization: we often treat feelings as enemies of productivity and deep work – something to suppress or ignore. But what if they’re actually vital signals, constantly communicating information we need to navigate life effectively? And what if learning to interpret those signals is the key to reclaiming our focus?

    Feelings: The Body’s Language

    Think about it this way: thoughts are the language of the mind, processing information and forming conclusions. Feelings are the language of the body, offering a visceral response to that information. Just as we can’t ignore important thoughts, we can’t afford to dismiss our feelings. Feeling something – joy, sadness, frustration, even discomfort – means your body or your unconscious is trying to tell you something.

    Ignoring these signals in the name of productivity might seem effective in the short-term. You power through, ignoring the nagging anxiety or the quiet disappointment. But on the long run, this is like running a car with a flashing warning light. You might keep going for a while, but eventually, something will break down – burnout, chronic stress, a loss of motivation, or even physical illness.

    However, and this is crucial, feelings also have a knack for derailing us. They can act like a radio signal getting lost in static, overwhelming our ability to concentrate on the task at hand. That’s because feelings are powerful, demanding attention, and often triggering impulsive reactions.

    Four Horsemen of Negative Feelings & What They’re Trying to Tell You

    Let’s examine my top of the most common culprits that steal our focus by playing on infinite loop in your head:

    • Anxiety: Often experienced as a racing heart, shallow breathing, and a sense of dread.
      What it communicates: “Something feels uncertain, a potential threat exists, prepare to respond!”
      Positive aspect: Anxiety, when acknowledged, can fuel proactive problem-solving. It can make us more aware of potential risks and encourage us to take steps to mitigate them.
    • Anger: A powerful emotion characterized by frustration, irritation, and a desire for justice.
      What it communicates: “A boundary has been crossed, a need is not being met, something is unfair!”
      Positive aspect: Anger, when channeled constructively, can be a powerful motivator for change. It can drive us to stand up for ourselves and others, and to address injustice.
    • Insecurity & Self-Doubt: A nagging feeling of inadequacy, questioning your abilities and worth.
      What it communicates: “You’re stretching beyond your comfort zone, you’re vulnerable, there’s a fear of failure.”
      Positive aspect: Self-doubt, surprisingly, can lead to growth. It encourages us to seek feedback, to learn and improve, and to approach challenges with humility. Also remember that is always a journey into the unknown and insecurity is part of it.
    • Regret: A painful emotion stemming from past actions or inactions.
      What it communicates: “You value something you didn’t prioritize, a lesson needs to be learned, a course correction is needed.”
      Positive aspect: Regret, when processed, can be a powerful teacher. It helps us clarify our values, make better decisions in the future, and cultivate greater self-awareness. It indicates, that you now are aware of your past mistakes.

    If you’d like to explore further on our emotions, I recommend to follow up on Lisa Feldman Barrett, who explains that emotions are not hardwired responses but are constructed by the brain based on past experiences and context.

    Reclaiming Your Focus: Three Powerful Habits

    So, how do you navigate this internal landscape of feelings without getting completely derailed? Here are three habits to cultivate:

    1. The “Boundary Setting” Exercise (Ongoing): Identify situations or people that consistently trigger negative emotions. Then, consciously set boundaries to protect your energy and well-being. This could involve saying “no” to extra commitments, limiting contact with toxic individuals, or clearly communicating your needs.
      Why it works: Boundaries reduce the frequency of triggering situations, minimizing emotional overwhelm and restoring a sense of control.
    2. The “Feeling-Focused Question” (When Distracted): When you notice your focus drifting, instead of berating yourself for being distracted, ask yourself, “What feeling is contributing to this distraction?” Is it anxiety about a deadline? Frustration with a task? Boredom? Once you identify the feeling, acknowledge it (“Okay, I’m feeling anxious right now.”) and briefly explore what’s triggering it. Why it works: This shifts you from reacting to the feeling to understanding it. Understanding creates space and allows you to choose a more conscious response.
    3. The “Micro-Action” (When Feeling Overwhelmed): Instead of trying to “fix” a feeling or immediately “power through” your work, take a small, actionable step. If you’re feeling anxious about a large project, break it down into the smallest possible task (e.g., “Write one paragraph.”). If you’re feeling frustrated, take a 5-minute break to stretch or listen to music.
      Why it works: Micro-actions create a sense of momentum and control. They interrupt the cycle of overwhelm and allow you to gradually regain your focus.

    Listen to the Signal

    Feelings aren’t enemies to productivity; they are important signals. Just like any signal, the stronger the feeling, the more important it is to listen in. Ignoring them might offer temporary gains, but ultimately leads to burnout and disconnection.

    By cultivating emotional awareness, learning to interpret those signals, and responding with compassion and action, you can reclaim your focus, navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience, and unlock your full potential. The static may never disappear entirely, but you can learn to tune it out – and listen to the messages beneath.

  • Be responsible – unique skill for self-growth

    Be responsible – unique skill for self-growth

    Accept that you are responsible for your current life situation. Bad things happen to us every day. But it is about how we (re)act and what choices we make.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Life seems less of a burden, when you have someone else to blame. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. Once you get used to it, you will feel more energetic out of your victories and less anxious of consequence from failure.

    Being responsible does not stop at admitting when you have done something wrong. This is a first, but important step of a journey. It will take practice to get used to apologize. Once you get used to it, the “you’re responsible” mindset will make you try really hard to give all you have in order to fill this role of a responsible person. You will try to live up to your expectations.

    And as you don’t want to be responsible for everything, you will have to make up your mind on what is important to you.

    Responsibility – what’s the point

    What is it that you care so much about, that it is a no-brainer, you want it to be successful, safe, whole or just there for you and others. Is it your partner, your cat or your job?

    But others come second – you have to feel responsible for yourself first and this is your body and your mind. Without you being well, there is not much you will be able to do for others on the long run.

    Let us start with your mind: It is your reaction to external circumstances that you cannot control that is crucial when takin responsibility for yourself. Because who you give responsibility has the authority over you. Life is full of situations that are beyond our control, such as the weather, traffic, or other people’s actions. For example, getting upset about heavy traffic won’t make the cars move faster, but it will increase your stress levels. If you’re feeling moody simply because clouds are obscuring the sun, then you’re allowing the weather to dictate your mood.

    Neither me or you want to be dependent on random events – this is majorly stupid, but sometime, this is what we do. Therefore how you choose to respond to these circumstances is very important. You can’t control the situation, but you can control your reaction to it. This will greatly influence your happiness, stress levels, and overall well-being.

    If you blame external circumstances or other people for your feelings or actions, you’re essentially giving them authority over your life. However, if you take responsibility for your responses, you retain the authority and control over your own life. For example, instead of saying “The traffic made me late,” you could say “I didn’t plan enough time for traffic delays.” This shifts the responsibility back to you and gives you the authority to make changes in the future.

    Know what is important for you

    Accept that you are in control of what you think and how you perceive everything you read, hear or see. Observe how your brain filters all this information and molds your perception of your current situation based on your beliefs and past experiences.

    Once you acknowledge that you’re personally accountable for every aspect of your life, you truly become responsible for everything in it. However, this can be overwhelming and turn into a pitfall, as you can’t “boil the ocean” and you should not. If you know already what matters to you most, focus on it solely.

    In case you are not certain of the things that truly matter to you, start the other way around. Decide what is not important to you, and start saying “No” to those things in life. To help you with that try the following two questions to reflect:

    • Am I only doing this task out of habit, guilt, or a sense of obligation, rather than genuine necessity or desire?
    • What would happen if I simply stopped doing this task, and is that outcome acceptable to me?

    Reflecting on your answer to those questions will help to find a way forward. And if it turn out, that you took the wrong path – apologize (also to yourself) and take responsibility to change your course in life.

    Habits to strengthen your sense of responsibility

    By cultivating these habits you’ll develop a stronger sense of responsibility and become more adept at focusing your energy on the things that truly matter.

    1. Choose what you care about

    Action: Prioritize what truly matters to you based on your core values. Make a conscious decision to care about and invest your energy in those things. Ignore or disengage from trivial or unimportant issues.

    Why it works: Focusing on what’s truly important helps you take responsibility for your priorities. Choosing your battles wisely conserves energy and reduces stress. Aligning your actions with your values fosters a sense of purpose and accountability.

    2. Take Responsibility for Your Problems

    Action: Accept that problems are a natural part of life and that you are responsible for addressing them. Instead of blaming others or external circumstances, focus on what you can control. Ask yourself, “What can I do to improve or resolve this situation?”

    Why it works: Taking ownership of your problems empowers you to find solutions. Focusing on what you can control fosters proactive responsibility. Accepting problems as natural helps you build resilience and emotional maturity.

    3. Practice Rejection and Failure

    Action: Deliberately seek out experiences where you might face rejection or failure. Embrace these experiences as opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what you’ve gained from each experience, regardless of the outcome.

    Why it works: Facing rejection and failure builds emotional resilience and mental toughness. Embracing these experiences helps you take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. Learning from failures fosters continuous personal growth and improvement.

    Conclusion

    • Taking responsibility for your life puts you in the driver’s seat, allowing you to make decisions and shape your future.
    • Accepting responsibility fosters self-awareness, emotional maturity, and resilience.
    • It helps you make better, more informed decisions that align with your values and goals.
    • In order to feel responsible, you’ll have to know what you care about and what to skip.
    • Finally taking responsibility reduces your feelings of helplessness and victimhood.
  • Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    Hidden Truth About Trusting Your Instincts

    It has recently become fashionable to regard whatever we feel inside as true voice of nature speaking. Following this voice blindly might be a mistake assuming that it leads to self-improvement or personal growth.

    What you’ll find inside:

    I belief in “Follow your gut feeling”

    Since I was little I belief, that when in doubt about important decisions my gut feeling will always tell me the right thing to do. In retrospect I can proudly say that following this belief, I was true to myself. The decisions I made follow a pattern of core beliefs and experience base learnings from decades of trial and error. And in total, things worked out for me thanks to a big portion of luck.

    Trust your mind, but trust your heart more. 

    by anon

    When considering what kind of role model I want to be for my son, I’m uncertain whether adhering strictly to a “trust your instincts” philosophy remains relevant, given today’s prevalent focus on seeking instant gratification (read also why social media is fast food for you brain) and dopamine-driven behaviors.

    There are so many distractions accepted as cultural norms in our today’s life, that you might get the wrong answer when listening to your inner voice.

    Let us explore the origins of this belief of trust in our inner voice, before we answer the question when you should listen to it.

    Origin of “Trust your gut feeling”

    The concept of “trust your gut feeling” often is associated with listening to an inner voice or intuition, appears across various cultures and religious traditions, though it may not always be explicitly articulated as such.

    • Western Philosophy and Psychology: The idea of following one’s instincts or intuitions can be traced back to ancient Greek philosophy. Thinkers like Plato and Aristotle recognized the role of innate knowledge or instincts in human decision-making. In modern times, this concept is explored in psychology through ideas about intuition and subconscious processing.
    • Eastern Philosophies: In many Eastern traditions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, there’s an emphasis on inner wisdom and self-awareness. The practices of meditation and mindfulness aim to quiet the mind and tune into one’s deeper understanding or “inner voice.”
    • Indigenous Cultures: Many Indigenous cultures around the world place a strong emphasis on intuition and connecting with the natural world. Wisdom is often seen as something that comes from within and through harmonious interaction with nature.
    • Christianity and Other Abrahamic Religions: While not explicitly about gut feelings, these traditions emphasize listening to one’s conscience or seeking divine guidance. The idea of an “inner voice” can be linked to the belief in a personal relationship with God or the Holy Spirit guiding believers.
    • New Age and Spiritual Movements: In more contemporary spiritual movements, there is often a focus on intuition as a source of insight and truth. Practices such as channeling, energy work, and intuitive healing emphasize trusting one’s inner wisdom.

    While “trusting your gut feeling” may not originate from any single religion or culture, it reflects a universal human experience related to accessing deeper knowledge within oneself.

    Gut feeling and todays world

    While there is a cultural foundation of trusting one’s gut feeling, I get the impression that it is used today out of its original context. This context is actually prerequisite for your inner voice to be useful and aligned with your personal development or growth ambitions.

    It is self-awareness. Without it your inner voice might lure you in the following pitfalls:

    You and I have pre-existing beliefs or desires that shape our perceptions. Relying solely on intuition can lead to decisions based on what aligns with these existing biases rather than objective reality. This is called confirmation bias and limits growth by reinforcing existing patterns and preventing new learnings.

    Intuition is often intertwined with emotions. In a world of constant stimuli and distractions, emotional response can become misleading and lack of critical thinking. This is especially true if your intuition is paired with typically quick and instinctual reactions. As an illustration of my point, consider observing your actions on a challenging morning following a poor night’s sleep, before you’ve had any caffeine or food: imagine handling a child who is resistant to getting ready for school while also having a meeting scheduled in just 30 minutes. Any difference in your behavior compared to a regular morning after a decent sleep?

    Gut feelings are often formed from subconscious processing. Your subconscious mind is your autopilot and based on beliefs and experiences you had in your past as described in the summary of “biology of beliefs”. In addition to that the subconscious mind expects immediate outcomes of benefits. How can you aim for longterm personal development or personal growth when solely building on the foundation of already existing experience driven by your subconscious?

    This is by the way also the reason around the hype of why habits work so well. You transform your personal growth plan into small micro step called habits that are executed consistently and hence transformed into your subconscious mind to run on autopilot.

    When to listen to your heart

    Any gut feeling concerning dopamine related topics will most likely not be in your favor.

    It’s crucial to understand that seeking pleasure is an instinctive reaction aimed at preserving our species rather than benefiting us personally. This explains why your brain might lean towards a healthy salad, but your instincts crave pizza instead.

    When it comes to decisions influenced by dopamine and instant gratification, relying on gut feelings often won’t be advantageous. Because you know already the answer: just one more. Be it coffee, TikTok, Peanut Butter Cupcakes etc.

    With that said, you might wonder what else to listen to, if not your gut feelings? The answer is worth a dedicated blogpost and I promise to come back this in the future. For now, just acknowledge that there are several voices talking in your head. Every single of them with their own agenda.

    Conclusion

    • Trusting our gut feelings or listening to your heart has a cultural foundation and is a universal human experience.
    • The trust is used out of its original context of being self-aware.
    • If you are not aware of yourself, all the answers you get from your gut or hear is “just one more”. This is especially true for all the dopamine influenced decisions.

    Further readings

  • Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory

    Embrace Failure To Achieve Victory

    As I watched my son take his first unsteady steps, I couldn’t help but be aware of the potential pitfalls and dangers around him.

    It was in these moments, observing my son growing up, that I began to truly understand why failing is the most normal thing in the world and starting to ask myself the question why we as grown-ups have such a hard time when it happens to us.

    What you’ll find inside:

    About trial and error while growing up

    Childhood is a continuous journey of trial and error. Every new skill, every milestone, we achieve through a series of attempts and failures. Even though my son figured out to e.g. open the door, he continued to experiment and explore different ways to achieve what he had in mind.  While researching on this topic, I learned is totally a normal thing for kids. They take the risk of failure just to explore whether there is an alternative to get things done.

    Continuous retry and failure of Patrick Star

    When we grow older our capability of handling failures changes the same way as experience success. There is a correlation when I think about it. 

    Latest in Kindergarden, kids start comparing themselves with others and potentially get the feeling that winning or being successful increases their acceptance amongst their peers and hence increases their social worth. This follows through in several aspects of today’s society. Being the smartest and getting the confirmation with excellent grades. Being the best by getting the confirmation of winning a tournament. Even team sports like soccer have their individual champions. Or what about social proof on social media by comparing who has the most followers? 

    Failure is a universal experience

    But everyone fails at some point, in some way. It’s the common thread that binds us all, from the toddler learning to walk to the CEO launching a new venture. Some of us are in a state of constant failure due to how they set goals. Yet, despite its universality, we often stigmatise failure.

    When I failed in my early days I remember that I was told to know better, since I was old enough to do better. In the majority of cases there is no „well done for trying“. We fear failure and avoid it because we feel ashamed when it happens.

    Avoiding to do something new because of fear of failure is a missed learning opportunity.

    Sometimes, our fear of failing is so intense that it stops us exploring new opportunities. The purpose of the emotion fear is to make us alert. But this emotion can actually hold us back in our comfort zone when we have the chance to grow and broaden our horizons.

    Stop the fear roller coaster and start fresh

    I reflected on all my main failures in the past and there were many from what I can tell. And since I tend to be hard on myself, I also asked a friend to share his point-of-view on my failures.

    Once I acknowledged, that my failures are not a reflection of my worth, but were an opportunity to improve, things got a lot easier. And with things I mean my approach to try our new stuff and experiment with my existing behaviour and habits. But getting to accept failures being part of the game is the hard part. How to get to this state is very individual. I will share with you what worked for me, as someone who was thought that failure are bad and to be avoided. 

    It all started with reflecting on my son’s behaviour of incautious learning. Be it learning riding a bike, swimming or building lego robots at some point, he got so frustrated that what he did was not according to what he had in mind, that got very angry and eg. Threw his half way built robot across the room. The robot was broken, he started crying because he was angry about the it and about himself on what he just did.

    It was a personal failure for him. He had a clear expectation in his mind, how the robot would look like and it didn’t match reality. Once we talked about that it is not OK to throw things around and all the emotions that overwhelmed him, he again started calmly to build the robot again – with a better version, as he stated. 

    From that I derived three actions to myself when it comes to personal failing: 

    1. Every time I fail emotions like frustration or anger are necessary vents to steam off. I let it happen. If possible, I try to direct these emotions into some kind of constructive activity. I figured that journaling it out of my head or any kind of immediate physical activity releases the initial spike of stress. 
    2. I reflect on why it is a failure and why I see it as such. Is it because of my own expectation towards the outcome or are there expectations by someone else. Especially if it me setting the bar high I ask someone who I trust for help to reflect. Depending on the topic this is my wife, friend or even good old internet.
    3. I accept failure by asking myself, if I tried with all I have. Sometime this is not case, then I need to understand why in order to improve the next time. But if I honestly answer this with a yes, I come to peace with the myself and my failure. 

    Don’t just “try again” or “try harder”

    If you are missing the standard phrases of „stand up, dust yourself off and try again“, it is because I believe they are too generic to be shared with anyone as actionable advice. Even for things you really want, it is too naive to blindly follow this advice. Some times it is better to quit, than wasting energy on a something with low probability of achievement and the early you know, the faster you can focus on something else. 

    For me, the main factor in deciding whether to try again is if it boosts my energy level. Consider my love for making music and playing the guitar. It feels so exciting and powerful to be the one creating the sound, melody, and rhythm.

    However, learning to play “Nothing Else Matters” has been a frustrating journey. I often fall short of my own expectations during practice because it just doesn’t sound like the original. Still my energy level increases with every try. That is why I see it as an important reflection point before trying again.

    If I give it my all, maybe even multiple times, and it leaves me feeling drained, I’m perfectly fine with accepting that this as a failure and moving on to something else. But stepping back and don’t trying again, doesn’t mean that you lost for ever. Just this time it didnt work out.

    From this failure, I learned something valuable. I was brave enough to try, and that courage will make it easier for me to attempt new things in the future.

    Summary: on failing and why it is the path to go for winners

    • Accept that failing is part of the game in everything you and also others do in life. 
    • As long as trying makes you feel engaged and brings positive energy you are on track.
    • Once trying is just a sucker of your energy change the approach or try something else.

    Further readings:

  • Social Media is Evil Fast Food For your Brain

    Social Media is Evil Fast Food For your Brain

    Bluesky is becoming more popular than X. Users say Bluesky feels like real social media again. This makes me want to speak out about how social media affects our performance. I will summarise how this influence impacts our success in important areas of life.

    What you’ll find inside:

    Observing my own Social Media consumption, I find myself regularly doomscrolling Insta, TikTok or Reddit especially before bedtime. „Just only ten more posts“ I say to myself. This is just to break this promise to myself with scrolling „just a few more“. It gets late and I fall asleep way too late and regret it afterwards – just to mention one similarity to junk food? But why do I doomscroll at all even though I am not searching for anything special.

    Our Brains prioritise novelty

    The part of our brain that responds to new stimuli is called the nigra/ventral segmental area. This area is closely connected to the hippocampus and the amygdala, which both help us learn and remember. The hippocampus compares stimuli against existing memories, while the amygdala responds to emotional stimuli and strengthens associated long-term memories.

    Let me explain why our brains work like that with an example of our early ancestors where survival was predominant. One day a young neanderthal women, let us call her Lizzy, discovered a hidden cave while searching for food in the forest. She thought, “This could be a cozy place to sleep!” Once she stepped into the cave, she heard a loud growl of a bear that was already living there. With a little luck Lizzy managed to escape. 

    But what happened in her brain during that experience? At first, her hippocampus compared the stimuli of seeing a new cave against existing memories. Initial reaction was „exciting, maybe a new shelter“ and lead her to explore the cave. The shock of discovering a bear inside, an intense emotion paired with rush of adrenaline, strengthened her long-term memory that a) this cave is not save and b) caves in general can be dangerous. 

    The reason she started exploring the cave in the first place is an important mechanism that encourages us to try new things. It was the anticipation of dopamine – sitting at a fire, have it warm, dry, save etc. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that plays a key role in reward, motivation, and pleasure. Exactly this anticipation of dopamine leads us to open up the social media apps and start scrolling – in most cases without a dedicated need other than pleasure.

    How sleep affects brain function and mental health

    But every brain can only process and store a limited amount of new information in long-term memory. Think of an all-you-can-eat buffet but for information. You open up TikTok and start scrolling to discover new and exciting topics like how to use a drill to clean your toilet, after that a sneezing panda and so on. Depending on your stomach or self discipline, you might stop to put new things on your plate at a buffet and give your stomach a chance to digest.

    Our brains equivalent to this is sleep. While we sleep all of the „plates we filled with information“ over the day are being „digested“. Repeating information will stick. Our brain transfers new information to long-term memory by considering emotional factors, but it discards the majority of information.

    Social Media fills your brain with information, you don’t need

    In contrast to an all-you-can-eat buffets most Social Media Apps are designed for mass consumption. Being it notifications about new posts or reactions, gamification aspects like badges or karma and followers count – all this has the sole purpose of this app becoming the dominant player in the market. You as user are the worker to achieve this goal. It is a system with a reinforcement loop to contribute and consume. Which means either you contribute with the 10th video of toilet scrubbing with a drill or you consume it. 

    At the end of the day, your „brains plate“ is filled with various kinds of these unspecific information. Potentially leaving no space left for information that matter to be successful in personal or professional part of your life. As with fast food, your basically bloated your brain with fun but irrelevant information. Incautious consumption of social media spreads our focus. But focus is what drives our energy towards goals, visions and purpose in life.

    My formula to avoid overconsumption of social media

    Did I bashed a bit too hard on Social Media and the bad schema the companies are up to. But like money, Social media is not bad or good. It depends on how conscious we use it. It is okey to get yourself distracted by all the fun stuff, since it is also a substitute to release stress.

    To reduce my screen time for social media apps I tried the built in features of my iPhone. At least in iOS it is too tempting to click on „15 more minutes“ once the time limitation screen pops up.

    Instead what worked for me is to hire an app guard. This sounds fancy but is just a deal with myself: Every time I crave to open any of my social media apps, I have to justify to myself, if I completed two other items already that I set for my personal growth. For me it is completing my daily streak of learning Spanish and tracking my calories and water consumption.

    I do this via apps on my mobile that are on the same screen as my social media apps. Every time I grab my mobile and want to chill on social media, I see these two other apps first which triggers me to ask: did I completed these two items? For the most cases it works for me to jump into the other apps and work towards my visions instead of incautiously „do social media“.

    Conclusion 

    • Each social media app designs its system for ease of use and consumption, relying on you to contribute to their success.
    • Our brain carves for new and exciting information which makes you doom scroll social media.
    • While we sleep, our brain processes all new information into long-term memory, making repeated information stick.
    • Our brains can store a limited amount of information in long-term memory. 
    • If you consume a lot of social media content unrelated to all the things you want to your aspriations, you sabotage your personal growth.
    • Limit your social media consumption by installing a social media guard, a habit that priorities topics of you personal growth first and makes social media second priority. 

    Further reading: