Tag: relationship

You mentioned last night feeling like you don’t have a true friend, and it resonated with me. I often felt profoundly alone during my younger years, so I wanted to share my perspective.

It’s a strange paradox, isn’t it? To be surrounded by people – acquaintances, colleagues, even romantic partners – and still feel utterly alone. I think, especially at your age, there’s a pressure to “have it all”; success, social life, a perfect image. This can inadvertently create barriers to genuine connection.

Why having friends anyway

People are social creatures. We have a long history of living togWe’re social creatures, hardwired for connection. For millennia, living in groups meant a higher chance of survival. Today, in a world where information is at our fingertips, it’s tempting to become self-sufficient. We can learn anything, solve any problem, often without asking for help. And that drive for independence is valuable – it fosters growth.

But let’s be real: nothing great has ever been achieved by a single person. And the same applies to you. Your musical inspiration comes from the artists who came before you. Even sending a simple WhatsApp message relies on the knowledge passed down through generations and someone teaching you how to read and write.

Friends are the people who inspire us to try new things, encourage us when we’re doing well, and talk us out of bad ideas. They’re the sounding boards, the cheerleaders, the honest critics we all need.

Last year was incredibly challenging for me. Crisis after crisis hit, and my priority was simply being there for my loved ones. Giving up wasn’t an option. I realized I have a small circle of true friends – but even with them, I hesitated to share my struggles. It was a chance encounter – a reunion with four friends after a year apart – that reminded me of the power of connection. In an instant, we were back to where we left off. And it was one friend’s vulnerability – his willingness to share his own hardships – that made me feel truly “not alone.” It’s a moment I’ll cherish forever.

Beyond Acquaintances: Identifying True Friends

You truly see someone’s character in a crisis. This applies to everyone, including your friends. When faced with adversity, people act according to their values. You will be disappointed by some, but surprised by others.

Determining if a friend is truly a friend comes down to the quality of the relationship. You need to invest time and energy to understand their motivations and character. Here’s what I look for:

1. Trust is the foundation of any strong friendship. It means you can confide in each other without fear of betrayal. Trusting friends keep your secrets, act with integrity, and are dependable. Without trust, it’s hard to maintain a meaningful and lasting connection.
2. Mutual respect in a friendship means valuing each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries. It involves appreciating and honouring each other’s individuality, even when you disagree. Respect is also the foundation of honesty, even when it’s difficult. They give you constructive feedback and tell you the truth, even if it might be hard to hear.
3. Reciprocity & Support
   A good friendship is a two-way street. It involves being there for each other through thick and thin. This includes providing emotional support during tough times and celebrating each other’s successes and happiness. Both parties should invest time, effort, and care into the relationship. If only one is doing all the giving while the other does all the taking, it won’t work out on the long run.

Keep your friends close

If you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, hold onto them. Don’t let birthdays, holidays, or simple check-ins fall by the wayside. Reach out and ask how they’re doing. It’s easy to let life get in the way, to prioritize everything above the people who matter. But as we get older, priorities multiply. Make the effort to nurture those connections – you won’t regret it.

Two habits to strengthen your friendships:

Here are three actionable habits, rooted in the idea that strong friendships require consistent effort, to help you nurture those vital connections:

1. The “Check-In” Ritual:

• Action: Send a quick IM or make a short call to one friend each week, specifically asking how they’re doing and genuinely listening to their response. Don’t make it about you – focus on them.
• Why it Works: Consistent, intentional check-ins demonstrate you care and are thinking of them, even when life gets busy. It builds trust and strengthens the emotional bond by showing you’re present and invested in their well-being. It combats the tendency to only reach out when you need something.

2. The “Shared Experience” Boost:

• Action: Once a month, intentionally plan a small activity with a friend – a coffee date, a walk, a movie night, even a virtual game. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive.
• Why it Works: Shared experiences create lasting memories and strengthen the emotional connection. It provides opportunities for conversation, laughter, and deeper understanding. It moves the relationship beyond superficial interactions and fosters a sense of closeness.

Conclusion

In a world that often champions self-reliance, it’s easy to underestimate the profound power of human connection. True friendship isn’t about having a large social circle; it’s about cultivating a few meaningful relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual support. These bonds aren’t simply a source of comfort during difficult times – they enrich our lives, inspire our growth, and remind us that even in our most independent moments, we are never truly alone. So, cherish those who stand by you, nurture those connections, and remember that investing in friendship is investing in a happier, more fulfilling life.